The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.12.13

August 12th, 2013 // 578 Comments

“Ms. Paltrow, here, I made you these brownies from scratch using all-purpose flour!”

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, capping off a day that brought you Maple Christ‘s naked ass, followed by his manly love-making, so on behalf of Fish and myself let me apologize and step right out of the way of Anthony Weiner wearing red pants because enough attention hasn’t already been paid to that area of his body, Kevin Jonas enjoying a whiff of the axe body spray he makes his “wife” wear, and James Franco wearing a cardigan while seated in a leather chair answering questions about his book, ‘A California Childhood,’ so let’s all just grab a loved one and wait for the collective worldwide eyeroll to shift the Earth off its axis.

Thanks dicknose, now we’ll never know how Breaking Bad ends,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I must say… if he’s gay, I can’t blame him.

  2. Guy With Banana Taped To Phone Anthnoy Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Redd Foxx is alive and well with a banana attached to his cellphone. nothing unusual about this.

  3. Sean Penn Ripped Torso Shirtless
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the photo of the word “asshole.”

  4. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she trying to be ironic, or are we supposed to believe a zombie actually supports human rights?

  5. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Dick Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    Give her a break people. Damn she’s in her 40′s , That’s like 80 in black years

  6. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Mary J Blech…

  7. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    SherriffBART
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’re all da white women at?

  8. Penny Marshall Kimono 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she borrow that from Leon Talley?

  9. Rose McGowan Midriff Nipples Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    ugh, she has gross knees…NEXT!

  10. Jennifer Garner Underwear Sticking Out Of Jeans
    CrashHell
    Commented on this photo:

    There Be Whales Here!!!

  11. Abigail Breslin Cleavage Dyed Blonde Hair Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    all grows up

  12. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I the only one who looks at that tight blonde body in this setup and hears porn music:
    - Hello, see you ordered hot, sweet and black.
    - I also wanted coffee. But, while we wait…
    … cue porn music.

  13. Melanie Griffith Antonio Banderas Valeria Mazza Starlite Benefit Gala
    kevin kenish from connecticut
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s a pretty good dude for sticking with Melanie. Dude’s a sex symbol and can get anyone her wants so it must be true love

    • Or he cheats on her relentlessly and she doesn’t say anything because her face looks like something Hannibal Lecter would borrow from a cop to escape custody.

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

        …or she doesn’t say anything because he’s the only man alive who’ll still go down on her like a trooper.

  14. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she was nice enough to turn her Fenty necklace back so the random guy that’s taking the photo before the buttseckin’ will recall who she was.

  15. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s retired from modeling, right? Please tell me I’m right.

    • Cock Dr

      People pay her millions for the use of her image.
      It’s just another reason to be angry and bewildered by it all.

  16. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Much o’Blige

  17. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do you like my beard?”

  18. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    Dirk Diggler
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet she’s got a Strap-on dildo big enough to kill a horse

  19. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t she just stunning??!!

  20. Melanie Griffith Antonio Banderas Valeria Mazza Starlite Benefit Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s not her fault. Her plastic surgeon was a real… well… you know.”

  21. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She may have hood love, but that trunk has been abused.

  22. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Dress Chef Set
    Dick Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey someone stretched out snooki

  23. Nelly Mismatched Shoelaces Rubber Shorts Teen Choice Awards
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    nice “kid-friendly” vibe.

  24. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Okay, I’m not fully versed in all things Jonas brothers. But, I was under the impression that tons and tons of girls liked these guys and they could probably have their pick from many, many, many attractive women. So, if all of my assumptions are correct, how did this happen?

  25. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    You would think that that trip to Barbados would have knocked all the dust off that ass.

  26. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I take it they really wanted Josh Brolin, but he wouldn’t be a part of this garbage.

  27. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    Commented on this photo:

    Plot Twist: Seth MacFarlane was Rick Astley all along…

  28. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    I get the feeling that a fart from that thing is going to sound like Sad Tuba.

  29. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s gollum’s mom.

  30. Jennifer Garner Underwear Sticking Out Of Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    Which reminds me…whatever happened to Sisqo?

  31. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Rihanna is here? Give her my number !

  32. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    is she melting?

  33. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess the next stop is the Edinburgh Bus Station.

  34. Savannah Guthrie Willie Geist The Today Show
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    nice smoker’s lips. ouch.

  35. Alicia Keys Gunt
    Commented on this photo:

    It doesn’t matter to me if she’s big or small or whatever…she just always has the worst sense of style when it comes to what looks good on her. She needs a stylist.

  36. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    Commented on this photo:

    Got us.

  37. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s still not a transsexual, eddie. give it up.

  38. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    someone channinged on his tatum. and not in a good way.

  39. Nelly Mismatched Shoelaces Rubber Shorts Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Vanilla Ice is going to be pissed when he gets in his Escalade and finds out Nelly cut up his seats to make a pair of shorts.

  40. Jennifer Garner Underwear Sticking Out Of Jeans
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    sadly, her wedgie’s more satisfying than affleck’s cock.

  41. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    For the last time, Mr Danger, that is not the type of “IT” I write about.

  42. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    And Starring, as Willis and Arnold…

  43. JWoww Cleavage Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I keep tilting my head to the left for some reason.

  44. Abigail Breslin Cleavage Dyed Blonde Hair Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Though I’ve seen paraplegics with shapelier calves, their tits were not even close.

  45. John Mayer Orgasm Face Onstage Playing Guitar
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesse Pinkman, age 51.

  46. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    Commented on this photo:

    It took three hours of makeup and prosthetics to transform Channing Tatum into his role as Seth Rogen.

  47. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung
    Bung, bung, bung, bung, bunghole…Mr Sandman, bring me a dream.

    • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

      haha

      make his fists the fastest that I’ve ever seen

      Gives me bruised lips like roses & clover

      Then tell him his lonely sparring days are over

  48. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “OK, can we lose the duckface?
    What?
    Oh, sorry…”

  49. Alicia Keys Gunt
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    I keep on fallin’
    In and out of love with you
    I never loved someone
    The way that I’m lovin’ you

    - The lyrics take on a whole new meaning when you realize all this time she was evidently singing about a donut.

  50. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    my 2 cents
    Commented on this photo:

    Never understood how she became a famous super model. Never will.

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