The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.12.13

August 12th, 2013 // 578 Comments

“Ms. Paltrow, here, I made you these brownies from scratch using all-purpose flour!”

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, capping off a day that brought you Maple Christ‘s naked ass, followed by his manly love-making, so on behalf of Fish and myself let me apologize and step right out of the way of Anthony Weiner wearing red pants because enough attention hasn’t already been paid to that area of his body, Kevin Jonas enjoying a whiff of the axe body spray he makes his “wife” wear, and James Franco wearing a cardigan while seated in a leather chair answering questions about his book, ‘A California Childhood,’ so let’s all just grab a loved one and wait for the collective worldwide eyeroll to shift the Earth off its axis.

Thanks dicknose, now we’ll never know how Breaking Bad ends,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

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  1. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    We should have a talk with his grim faced female supporter there…..why IS Weiner the right man for NYC?
    And what exactly is gonna happen to that big red bullhorn once the campaign is over?

  2. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    and people are wondering why I find Tara Reid attractive.

  3. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    rospo
    Commented on this photo:

    her surname tells it all.

  4. Melanie Griffith Antonio Banderas Valeria Mazza Starlite Benefit Gala
    Qmak
    Commented on this photo:

    “Melanie…the plastic surgery has made you look so sensual, so youthful. Let me put on the Puss N’ Boots outfit and chase you around again.”

    “No no, Melanie is over there.”

    “Aye caramba!”

  5. Melanie Griffith Antonio Banderas Valeria Mazza Starlite Benefit Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    At least one of them sharted a few seconds ago. Not willing to admit to it.

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s All Good?

    Is her next book going to be named, “Mama, Is Dat Cornbread Gluten Free?”

  7. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    Gin&Tonic
    Commented on this photo:

    fucking shit, what an idiot

  8. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “Kevin, I think you’d fit perfectly in that punch bowl. Anybody seen the free throw line? I love free throws. Ask Hayden.”

  9. Melanie Griffith Antonio Banderas Valeria Mazza Starlite Benefit Gala
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    Disturbing. Like accidentally walking in on your grandparents having sex…. I need a drink.

  10. Kate Moss Bikini Belly Weight Gain Bunny Phone
    Commented on this photo:

    Hello, helpline?
    How can I delete rabbit ears from my phone?

  11. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Dress Chef Set
    Gin&Tonic
    Commented on this photo:

    I fucking love this woman!

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Commented on this photo:

    “No Shallow Hal DVDs!!!!”

  13. Liev Schreiber Eating Ice Cream With Sons
    Commented on this photo:

    Last one to finish their ice cream has to go to Paltrow’s book signing.

  14. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Those teeth.

  15. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    …and now for the buttsex. The dry, gritty, sandy, buttsex…

  16. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    martian leader
    Commented on this photo:

    he looks like a black guy in white guy makeup.

    m

  17. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    So ‘Jupiter Ascending’ is a gay roller derby movie?

  18. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Some *EX* security guard just let a commoner come within touching distance!

  19. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t really care that the dude sends dick pictures to skanks. I don’t really care that he looks like a pervert waiting for his turn at the glory hole.

    But goddamn if I’m going to vote for someone who wears a guayabera shirt with orange pants.

    • Lemmiwinks

      I was going to give him a half point for using the megaphone as cover but he probably brought it along to alert the crowd if he gets a hard-on.

    • cc

      Thank fucking God you are here to tell me what kind of shirt that is. I was really wondering. In beige, it’s a common piece of attire amongst immigrants from the Indian sub-continent. Which begs the question…why show up dressed like a gay cab driver?

  20. Sean Penn Ripped Torso Shirtless
    Rico Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate that a 52 year old Sean Penn is in better shape than me.

  21. Guy With Banana Taped To Phone Anthnoy Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Qmak
    Commented on this photo:

    “Orange you glad I keep texting women pictures of my banana?”

  22. Ariel Winter Too Young For Ashton Shirt Yoga Pants
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she wore her “Never Too Young For Wilmer” shirt yesterday.

  23. Guy With Banana Taped To Phone Anthnoy Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m pretty sure that’s a plantain

  24. Michelle Rodriguez Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like the before and after in a “Weight Watchers” commercial.

  25. Rihanna Sand Covered Butt Bikini Instagram
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    No bruises? I guess she finally learned to STFU.

  26. James Franco Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    “I was originally going to call it ‘Californication’, but felt it would have been morally unethical to take ownership where the Douche Elders Duchovny and Kiedis had already tread…So I felt extolling the virtues of my Californian childhood really cuts the Gordian Knot of my California experience – and as such existence – to a Chakric level…oh excuse me…”

    :: farts into water bottle and sniffs deeply ::

  27. Keanu Reeves Eyes Closed Knit Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    “She’s right behind me, isn’t she?”

  28. Keanu Reeves Eyes Closed Knit Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    “Come with me, if you want to chill out.”

  29. Ariel Winter Too Young For Ashton Shirt Yoga Pants
    Rico Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t believe she is only 15. This is why I card women. You can’t tell anymore.

  30. Michelle Rodriguez Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    “Michelle…I’m YOU from the future. Do not do ‘Fast and Furious 7′…the lunch buffet is delicious!”

  31. Nelly Mismatched Shoelaces Rubber Shorts Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s weird to see the cast from “Little House on the Prairie” all grown up.

  32. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Dirty Budweiser Shirt Carrying Ice Over Shoulder
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone might want to be checking up on his girlfriend.

  33. James Franco Book Signing
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    “When I was a kid, I would always get beat up in the Black and Latino neighborhoods. And the Asian neighborhoods. And the people in the white neighborhoods didn’t particularly care for me either.”

  34. Madonna Paintball Field Son Rocco Birthday
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    It used to be so easy to find virgins to feed on to maintain your youth. Now even fucking Utah is tapped out!

  35. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    Bam
    Commented on this photo:

    Nutty Professor: The Humps

  36. Penny Marshall Kimono 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “Alright, you can take him; but remember, don’t feed him after midnight. And never, ever, EVER get him wet. “

  37. Kevin Jonas Kissing Wife Danielle Jonas Teen Choice Awards
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she supposed to look like that, or was there some sort of accident?

  38. Rick Astley Ascot Racecourse
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess we know what the grand prize was for the winner of the race.

  39. Eddie Murphy Humping Paige Butcher In Coffee Shop
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, I would probably be hiding behind my girl too if I had been in Pluto Nash.

  40. Channing Tatum Prosthetic Ears Blonde Hair Goatee Vest Jupiter Ascending Set
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope, I’m pretty sure he’s on the set of a gay BDSM porn.

  41. Penny Marshall Kimono 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m guessing she still works at the brewery?

  42. Shaquille ONeal Towering Over Kevin Hart 13th Annual Harold And Carole Pump Foundation Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    The only thing significant about this photo is that it’s the 10 millionth photo in which a person much shorter than Shaq gets their photo taken with him and everyone says, “Wow, he’s SO MUCH SHORTER!”

  43. Keanu Reeves Eyes Closed Knit Hat
    CrashHell
    Commented on this photo:

    So he must let the world go on thinking that he too is dead, until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him….*cue The Lonley Man music*

  44. Anthony Weiner Dominican American National Parade
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he a dentist now too?

  45. Sean Penn Ripped Torso Shirtless
    CrashHell
    Commented on this photo:

    SPICOLI LIVES…in ibiza…

  46. Keanu Reeves Eyes Closed Knit Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    “That Dominican guy stole my bananaphone.”

  47. Gwyneth Paltrow Book Signing East Hampton Library Authors Night
    Commented on this photo:

    Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
    The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
    Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
    The frumious Bandersnatch

  48. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Bilge could use a cellulite pump….

  49. Ariel Winter Too Young For Ashton Shirt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Didn’t someone who knows her say, “Maybe those really tight pants aren’t a good idea for going out in public?”

  50. Mary J Blige Butt Cellulite Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Evver notice that you never see Mary J. Blige and Montana Fishburne together? Hmmm?

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