The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.21.14

July 21st, 2014 // 439 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, fresh off my brief stint in County, because apparently in Obama’s America, masturbating in the post office is frowned upon relaxing three-day hiatus, so I’ve the usual overstuffed sausage of celebrity nonsense for you. We’ve got Paris Hilton with a child who would have been better off in the care of Susan Smith, the best picture of Whoopi Goldberg you’ll ever see provided it actually results in the murder/suicide for which it was intended, and exactly what every single moment of Alec & Hilaria Baldwin‘s marriage looks like when she isn’t bending herself into a sex pretzel.

Hey, Stamos, what did you think of that Lindsay Lohan gallery earlier? S’what I thought,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that not Jonah?

  2. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    The “A” in TCA stands for ass.

  3. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    I look like that. Tell me I look like that! LIE TO ME!!! *wipes tear*

  4. Will Smith Taking Cell Phone Picture
    Commented on this photo:

    He definitely got the hot dog.

  5. Peter Dinklage Sunglasses On Nose Pushing Stroller
    Commented on this photo:

    Decisions, decisions – does he ride the baby buggy or the bike?

  6. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    LeAnn, look how fat she is!

  7. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now that’s how you wear a bikini, I remember when you were skinny”

  8. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Commented on this photo:

    Eddie’s speech bubble: “Remember when you used to look like that? I do. Hit the gym, you fatass.”

  9. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww, Rosemary finally got Adrian back.

  10. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Commented on this photo:

    “Eddie, can you help me? I think I got something in my eye.”
    “Yeah…great story babe.”

  11. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Em
    Commented on this photo:

    She just took (and saw) her first selfie, didn’t she? Poor thing.

  12. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    I owe Jonah Hill an apology. I get it now, dude.

  13. Shia LaBeouf Skinny Jeans Tucked Into Combat Boots
    Mitch
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is he always dressed like a chick?

  14. Luke Wilson Double Chins Scruffy Looking
    Commented on this photo:

    Booze doesn’t cut it any longer, so the poor bastard’s gonna drink gas.

  15. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmph, the Sixth Sense isn’t as subtle as it used to be.

  16. Taryn Manning High Cleavage Palms Pool And Dayclub Guest DJ Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    Tina Fey looks like shit.

  17. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Fuck exercise. Don’t need to bother.

  18. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh no Leo. Don’t take workout advice from Jonah Hill.

  19. Megan Fox Skinny Post Weight Loss Legs Minidress Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    CptCreep
    Commented on this photo:

    Good god man!

  20. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m starving! Where did I put that broccoli, I know it was here… Damn it Jonah! You pulled this for the last time!!! *starts eating ham sandwich*

  21. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    Dafuq?

  22. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    Giving her the “You thoughtless little pig” look.

  23. Katy Perry Cleavage See Through Dress
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    On the left, Katy Perry photoshopped.
    On the right, before photoshop.

  24. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Lena Dunham had lipo done on her face.

  25. Katy Perry Cleavage See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    God, she’s fucking boring.

  26. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    They asked you what time it was?! You told them I’ll be out in 5 to kick their asses, right?

  27. Lea Michele Mouth Wide Open Giffoni Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    FACE OF DOG

  28. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    flabulicious! congrats on finally having that kid. now go away you bloated twat.

  29. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dammit Hilaria. I’m not going to let you turn my new daughter gay like Kim did with Ireland.”

  30. Jada Pinkett Smith Legs Abs Cutout Dress TCA Tour Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “…and then she said ‘sorry I’m straight, and I’m not into Scientology’ – then I started screeching and clawing like THIS”

  31. Boris Johnson Drunk Laughing Healthier School Eating Promotion
    beaver eater
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is sloth from Goonies doing out?

  32. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    If she is just getting the “Honey, I knocked up the maid” text, she really should have sprung for a better cell phone plan.

  33. Drake Bodyguard In Batman T Shirt Hooray Henry's
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not the only person thinking of Drake dressed as Robin from the Adam West “Batman” series, am I?

  34. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    “Duck, bitch!”
    – screamed the random black guy in the back of the theater.

  35. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry but this picture is mis-labeled. I’m almost certain that’s my shop teacher from high school in the mid-90′s

  36. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Kris Jenner
    Commented on this photo:

    the dream is over.. Go home folks nothing to see here

  37. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    Now we know what Maria Shriver was looking at.

  38. Will Smith Taking Cell Phone Picture
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    The Leaning Tower of Pisa… Boring!
    Knights’ Square… Yawn!
    The Church of St. Francis… Who?
    LOOK, a hamburger stand… Quick take a picture! This is gonna kill on Instagram!

  39. Olga Loera Giant Fake Boobs Bikini StripLV Magazine Cover Pool Party
    Commented on this photo:

    So wait ‘Mexico’ and ‘Olga’? I’m excited to see which way the racist posters take this one!

  40. Newt Gingrich Daru Kowalkowski Whoopie Goldberg Calista Gingrich Bella Italia Tribute To Sophia Loren
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    Making one of the Ninja Turtles black was a pretty bold choice.

  41. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Dormant Canadian
    Commented on this photo:

    LeAnn Rimes planning her next round of plastic surgery and, as she well knows, it’s going to hurt.

  42. Boris Johnson Drunk Laughing Healthier School Eating Promotion
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    At first I thought it was Chris Mathews, then I saw the teeth, definitely British dental work.

  43. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    *Parents hand Paris the baby through the car window while they stand outside*

    “Aw. He’s just so cute. I’ve al-CHEESE IT!!!”

    *Limo speeds off leaving parents in the dust*

  44. Piers Morgan Sunburn Derpface ITV Summer Party
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    That is the look of a guy who totally just left a “love stain” in the back of a courtesy car.

  45. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone tell her that’s not a Chihuahua.

  46. Newt Gingrich Daru Kowalkowski Whoopie Goldberg Calista Gingrich Bella Italia Tribute To Sophia Loren
    renotastic
    Commented on this photo:

    Marms = mom arms.

  47. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    renotastic
    Commented on this photo:

    Marms = mom arms.

  48. Lady Gaga Butt Crotch Clutched By Dancer MGM Grand Hotel And Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Never before have I wished I was a gay backup dancer. First time for everything.

  49. Will Smith Taking Cell Phone Picture
    Commented on this photo:

    Hungry in Italy. Go for burgers. Classy.

  50. Kelly Brook Cleavage Swimsuit Instagram
    renotastic
    Commented on this photo:

    Ahhh, the magic of Thinstagram.

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