The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.21.14

July 21st, 2014 // 439 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, fresh off my brief stint in County, because apparently in Obama’s America, masturbating in the post office is frowned upon relaxing three-day hiatus, so I’ve the usual overstuffed sausage of celebrity nonsense for you. We’ve got Paris Hilton with a child who would have been better off in the care of Susan Smith, the best picture of Whoopi Goldberg you’ll ever see provided it actually results in the murder/suicide for which it was intended, and exactly what every single moment of Alec & Hilaria Baldwin‘s marriage looks like when she isn’t bending herself into a sex pretzel.

Hey, Stamos, what did you think of that Lindsay Lohan gallery earlier? S’what I thought,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    Optical illusion pants are way easier than working out. They’re working, right? RIGHT??
    Eh, fuck it… I’m married!

  2. Kelly Brook Cleavage Swimsuit Instagram
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim K. could post 10 year old pictures of herself too and still wouldn’t look as hot as Kelly now.

  3. Sarah Hyland Cleavage Dizzy Feet Foundation Celebration Of Dance Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    She just keeps getting hotter.

  4. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    His heart won’t go on that much longer with that much insulation.

  5. Earvin Johnson III Short Shorts 1 Oak Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m starting to think that Magic announced he had HIV just so women would stop having unprotected sex with him.

  6. Will Smith Taking Cell Phone Picture
    Commented on this photo:

    Will Smith’s tweet: “I’m about to have a hamburger in Italy!”
    Bald guy tweet: “American black man may rob and kill me. Tell my wife I’m cheating on her.”

  7. Brooke Shields Open Mouth Screaming 3rd Annual St Barth Hamptons Gala
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she Maria Schriver’s secret love child?

  8. Aubrey ODay Veiny Cleavage Liquid Pool Lounge Aria Resort and Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes please.

  9. Katy Perry Cleavage See Through Dress
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she auditioning to be a future Tim Burton ex-wife?

  10. Peter Dinklage Sunglasses On Nose Pushing Stroller
    bojeaux
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s so cute when they get big enough to push their own strollers around!

  11. Kate Hudson Legs Heels Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn. She looks good.

  12. Jada Pinkett Smith Legs Abs Cutout Dress TCA Tour Press Conference
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    The praying mantis devours her mate after sex. So I guess it’s good for Will he’s aways hiding in the closet.

  13. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s a Stepford app now?

  14. Brooke Shields Open Mouth Screaming 3rd Annual St Barth Hamptons Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Still would. Always will.

  15. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Keno
    Commented on this photo:

    The T-800 just arrived in front of her…

  16. Olga Loera Giant Fake Boobs Bikini StripLV Magazine Cover Pool Party
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Swim to the buoys and make a left.

  17. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    She needed da money! OH!*

    *Joke’s on her, Dice has no money.

  18. Rita Ora Cleavage Leather Jumpsuit Black Widow Set
    Commented on this photo:

    A more convincing Black Widow than Scarlett Johansson.

  19. Jada Pinkett Smith Legs Abs Cutout Dress TCA Tour Press Conference
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    As soon as Jaden opens his mouth, I just want to claw his eyes out.

  20. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    cletus
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hickory dickory dock,
    This bitch was crushing my cock…”

  21. Shia LaBeouf Skinny Jeans Tucked Into Combat Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    “Alright it’s one dollar to look at it. Two dollars to touch it. Three dollars to watch ME touch it. Five dollars to touch it, while I touch my toes. Six dollars to touch it, while I touch YOUR toe…”

  22. Taryn Manning High Cleavage Palms Pool And Dayclub Guest DJ Performance
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    DJ = VD

  23. Adrian Grenier Sweaty
    Commented on this photo:

    The woman in the back is thinking of bashing his head in with that water bottle.

  24. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Does the baby’s parents think exposing an infant to herpes will inoculate him for life?

  25. Sarah Hyland Cleavage Dizzy Feet Foundation Celebration Of Dance Gala
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Love her. But apparently she loves Jon Hamm more.

  26. Earvin Johnson III Short Shorts 1 Oak Nightclub
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like Precious hit the lottery.

  27. Lady Gaga Butt Crotch Clutched By Dancer MGM Grand Hotel And Casino
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    “I swear I heard something like “Help me find the keys to my truck so I can drive out of this thing!”

  28. Earvin Johnson III Short Shorts 1 Oak Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    He needs some kneepads.

  29. Lea Michele Mouth Wide Open Giffoni Film Festival
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Erhmagherd! Er’ve gert ter sing er serler!

  30. Shia LaBeouf Skinny Jeans Tucked Into Combat Boots
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Here, I’m going back to Mexico. Looks like you need this more anyway.

  31. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t worry guys, it’s for a role…. a bread roll covered in gravy and deep fried that is.

  32. Jared Leto Ridiculous Clothes
    cletus
    Commented on this photo:

    Strong, the douche is with this one.

  33. Steven Seagal Red Glasses Panama Hat Mystery Woman Sage Gateshead
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    He kicks ass & follows Jimmy Buffet around the word with his trusted and beautiful sidekick Nice Hat Stupid. Steven Seagal IS Parrothead Fu Manchu. TNT. We know drama.

  34. Reese Witherspoon Butt Tight White Jeans
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Who do I have to piss off, curse at or just condescend to to get some service around here!

  35. Jason Derulo Shirtless Backup Dancers Bending Over Hard Rock Hotel And Casino Rehab
    Commented on this photo:

    A white girl’s ass is definitely my idea of rehab.

  36. Steven Seagal Red Glasses Panama Hat Mystery Woman Sage Gateshead
    Commented on this photo:

    Under Siege 3: A Modicum of Good Taste

  37. Megan Fox Skinny Post Weight Loss Legs Minidress Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards?

    We’ve officially run out of bullshit reasons for actresses to strut around in vagingo-exposing hooter skirts.

    Like Hollywood needs a reason.

  38. Iggy Azalea Huge Ass Leather Jumpsuit Black Widow Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Iggy and Rita? Now I’m very interested in this “Black widow” project.

  39. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck the toe, that’s camel hoof.

  40. Luci Ford Sideboob Butt Swimsuit Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, just go ahead and give yourself a wedgie. Perfect.”

  41. Newt Gingrich Daru Kowalkowski Whoopie Goldberg Calista Gingrich Bella Italia Tribute To Sophia Loren
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s rare to see a photo where every single smile says “I so don’t want to be here.”

  42. Boris Johnson Drunk Laughing Healthier School Eating Promotion
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Gervais dyed his hair for the third season of Derek? Bold move.

  43. Megan Fox Skinny Post Weight Loss Legs Minidress Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    What does Megan Fox have to do with sports?

  44. Peter Dinklage Sunglasses On Nose Pushing Stroller
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    If you love Mini KISS, then you’re gonna love Mini Michael McDonald!

  45. John Stamos Licking Lips GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    FINALLY A STAMOS PICTURE!

  46. Sarah Hyland Cleavage Dizzy Feet Foundation Celebration Of Dance Gala
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, wait…over there…that’s where I left that thought.

  47. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    My goodness, Leo has reached the Jack Nicholson stage of his career* at a young age.

    *The point at which you’ve won so many Oscars, grossed so many billions, and had sex with so many gorgeous women that you can be fat and bearded and it won’t at all prevent you from continuing to win Oscars, gross millions, and have sex with whomever you feel like.

  48. Boris Johnson Drunk Laughing Healthier School Eating Promotion
    Commented on this photo:

    Doesn’t he know that eggs are full of cholesterol? What’s healthy about a heart attack?

  49. Shia LaBeouf Skinny Jeans Tucked Into Combat Boots
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Excuse me, sir, but when I said I want my money back for Crystal Skulls, that was supposed to cover the Milk Duds and Cherry Icee, too

  50. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Frank is trying out the D.E.N.N.I.S system.

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