The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.21.14

July 21st, 2014 // 439 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, fresh off my brief stint in County, because apparently in Obama’s America, masturbating in the post office is frowned upon relaxing three-day hiatus, so I’ve the usual overstuffed sausage of celebrity nonsense for you. We’ve got Paris Hilton with a child who would have been better off in the care of Susan Smith, the best picture of Whoopi Goldberg you’ll ever see provided it actually results in the murder/suicide for which it was intended, and exactly what every single moment of Alec & Hilaria Baldwin‘s marriage looks like when she isn’t bending herself into a sex pretzel.

Hey, Stamos, what did you think of that Lindsay Lohan gallery earlier? S’what I thought,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Dormant Canadian
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hilaria, please try not to embarrass yourself by doing a downward dog on this mantlepiece.”

  2. Lea Michele Mouth Wide Open Giffoni Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t even hear her and I’m pressing y remote trying to change the channel.

  3.  Vin Diesel Derpface Dave Bautista Guardians Of The Galaxy Press Conference
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    I could so kick your ass!
    Keep dreaming asshole!

  4. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes child, you will be an acceptable sacrifice to high priestess Madonna. She will be pleased”

  5. Peter Dinklage Sunglasses On Nose Pushing Stroller
    renotastic
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice sunglass ‘stache.

  6. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    “Stop posting those weird photos on instagram!”
    “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my real daddy!”

  7. Drake Bodyguard In Batman T Shirt Hooray Henry's
    Commented on this photo:

    When did the keyboardist for the Roots become Drake’s bodyguard?

  8. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Dormant Canadian
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she just come from the vet?

  9. Newt Gingrich Daru Kowalkowski Whoopie Goldberg Calista Gingrich Bella Italia Tribute To Sophia Loren
    Commented on this photo:

    I lost track. Was Calista the girlfriend when Newt dumped the wife with cancer, or was that another girlfriend.

    • Yes. She was the one he was cheating on his dying wife with. Classy guy, that Newt.

    • jpc

      No, the girl he was cheating on cancer wife with was his second wife. Calista is the third wife: the one he started banging when he found out his second wife had MS..

      All class.

  10. Steven Seagal Red Glasses Panama Hat Mystery Woman Sage Gateshead
    Commented on this photo:

    *I love you Big Daddy Steven”
    “Shut up, baby. I know it.”

  11. Boris Johnson Drunk Laughing Healthier School Eating Promotion
    Rockin with Dokken
    Commented on this photo:

    One look at that mouth clears up how the keys for the Tower of London were made.

  12. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    Commented on this photo:

    “We should totally have a threesome with her…”
    “I’d suck on her for calories”
    “Yeah, whatever floats your boat”

  13. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    The world is fair…
    The world is fair…
    The world is fair…
    The world is fair…
    Damn you, Hollywood!!!

  14. Adrian Grenier Sweaty
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    Kill me! Kill me NOW! I can’t stand the stench any longer.

  15. Megan Fox Skinny Post Weight Loss Legs Minidress Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Shining example of a shitty personality ruining what should have been one of the most beautiful women in the world.

  16. Drake Bodyguard In Batman T Shirt Hooray Henry's
    Commented on this photo:

    “Quickly Robin! To the Blackmobile!”

  17. Katy Perry Cleavage See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    I see Lena Dunham is finally willing to let her feminist equals walk beside her.

  18. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    “Honey, I SWEAR, I was only looking to make sure your tits are better! They are SO MUCH BETTER! Please stop crying…”

  19. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh shit. That baby really did a number on her. She went from sexy masseuse to Lena Dunham in a year.

  20. Lady Gaga Butt Crotch Clutched By Dancer MGM Grand Hotel And Casino
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Thankfully, in the interest of nation security all dancers were quarantined by the CDC after the concert. However, an APB had to be issued regarding an escaped green wig.

  21. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    Bearded & paunchy, Leo starts to look like your unemployed brother-in-law, yet still gets to bang supermodels.

  22. Maria Shriver Looking Terrified At Cellphone
    Commented on this photo:

    “Someone needs to tell those two girls that is NOT what that cup is for!”

  23. LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Miami Fashion Week Front Row
    David
    Commented on this photo:

    Next mark.

  24.  Vin Diesel Derpface Dave Bautista Guardians Of The Galaxy Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    In all my years, I have never witnessed more perfect casting than Vin Diesel as a tall plant like enforcer whose sole vocabulary consists of his name.

    Back me up on this one, Fish.

  25. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    David
    Commented on this photo:

    Leonardo DiFatrio. HA! RIGHT? HA! HAHA! Ha…

  26. Katy Perry Cleavage See Through Dress
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    still taking fashion advise from John Mayer, huh?

  27. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks pretty damn good. I mean before the black eye she gets in 3, 2, 1…

  28. John Stamos Licking Lips GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    He only has eyes for Mario Lopez….

  29. Shia LaBeouf Skinny Jeans Tucked Into Combat Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor Shia. The other parking valet is getting better tips.

  30. Jada Pinkett Smith Legs Abs Cutout Dress TCA Tour Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “So I pounced on him from behind like this… And he didn’t even flinch. It’s as if he was expecting it.”

  31. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    limeseeds
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait, that’s not North West. But you said it’s the infant child of the world’s most awful parents.

  32. Kelly Brook Cleavage Swimsuit Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Perfection.

  33. Lea Michele Mouth Wide Open Giffoni Film Festival
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank you. You know every time I’m invited to an award show I break one of my fingers. Ouch!

  34. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Tonethius
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone really think that she’s going to bounce back from this?
    I mean, fingers crossed and all, but I just don’t see it happening.

  35. Megan Fox Skinny Post Weight Loss Legs Minidress Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Phil Collins
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face gets more plastic every year, shame. Still beautiful but she needs to leave it the fuck alone.

  36.  Vin Diesel Derpface Dave Bautista Guardians Of The Galaxy Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “The biggest challenge for me was learning all of Groot’s lines.”
    “You say one line throughout the entire movie.”
    “He’s a deep and complex character.”

  37. Earvin Johnson III Short Shorts 1 Oak Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude looks like the love child of big bird and Fat Albert.

  38. Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin Angrily Glaring At Each Other Clever Little Lies Opening Night
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    As the rage escalates, the vein is starting to throb in Alec’s temple. Hilaria desperately tries to decide which yoga pose will defuse the situation quickest.

  39. Rita Ora Cleavage Leather Jumpsuit Black Widow Set
    David
    Commented on this photo:

    Would.

  40. Will Smith Taking Cell Phone Picture
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I must admit he looks really happy on this trip. All it took was the Atlantic Ocean separating him and his family.

  41. Kelly Brook Cleavage Swimsuit Instagram
    Phil Collins
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still very attractive, but she was on a whole different level back here. Stunning.

  42. Taryn Manning High Cleavage Palms Pool And Dayclub Guest DJ Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    more attractive in character.

  43. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pants Suit Post Baby Weight CBS Summer TCA Tour
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy fetch me my harpoon Batman!

  44. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    Eeww. Just, EWWWW!

    There’s no way he still has enough cash…

    • I hate admitting this, but I still would. I always had a think for Dice. Don’t ask for an explanation… I’m sure it’s buried somewhere deep between not having a dad since I was three, and my best friend’s drunken father screaming about putting needles in his dick and then passing out under her kitchen table after threatening to kill himself when I was 12. But it’s there.

  45. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    The only explanation is that George Clooney was her previous boyfriend.

  46. Kate Hudson Legs Heels Minidress
    Phil Collins
    Commented on this photo:

    Hellooooo nurse.

  47. Paris Hilton Holding Baby LAX
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh he’s beautiful.

    Now put him back on the roof where he belongs.

  48. Olga Loera Giant Fake Boobs Bikini StripLV Magazine Cover Pool Party
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s the principal smuggler for the Mexican drug cartels. Those boobs are filled with the finest Mexican booger sugar.

  49. Andrew Dice Clay Valerie Vasquez On Lap Making Out At Starbucks
    Commented on this photo:

    He must have made some good investments.

  50. Leonardo DiCaprio Shirtless Fat Gut Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he playing Lea Michelle in his next movie?

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