Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which in today’s case happens to be a generous breast-filled smattering of all things not related to that sham marriage that miraculously lasted six years before getting alien-penised in the mouth. Anyway, we’ve got Kingston Rossdale who is going to want his mom to stop walking with him WAY before middle school, Jake Gyllenhaal who still has that beard, but at least she looks happy, Jonah Hill is hilarious again, and Arnold Schwarzenegger & Sylvester Stallone have the kind of macho fun that can only be found at the valet of a Beverly Hills salon.
Remember how hot Jane Seymour was in Wedding Crashers? Yeah…
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Tee Hee…alright I guess…but why would you want to call me “Maggie” in bed?
“And this is how I got my recording contract.”
something looks different…I just can’t tell what
[img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/02/[/img]
wait…I think I’ve got it!
Shorter hair?
[img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/02/JL-1-300_363.jpg[/img]
I think she’s using Marvin Acme’s Disappearing Reappearing Rack™.
The Adventures of Kingston and the Magical Aesexual Ostrich.
I thought Blackface was no longer politically correct?
I’d like to see a set of photo’s spaced at 3 month intervals from the time she was 18 to now. That way we could tell the approximate time she stopped looking like a human being.
Unfortunately, even the hottest babes get old.
I like how she feels it’s necessary to tug her waistband down a little to show us the tattoo. You know…in case her face doesn’t convey enough badass.
Look, I’m only going to say this one more time…I do not have a daughter named Melissa, and I have never been married to a man named Edgar.
Holy sh*t, it’s Scatman Crothers!
“How’d you like some ice cream, Doc?”
“Hey I know, lets go become Scientologists!”
The song “Redneck Woman” comes to mind.
If I make the 50 hairs on my head look all crazy, no one will even notice I’m almost bald!
Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?
He has surprisingly small hands.
no, i am not surprised by this.
Like a woman.. Shiny Buff
In every picture of a fat girl wearing shorts there’s a Simon Cowell in the background saying it all with a facial expression.
Dear Jane, please never purse your lips again.
And that was BEFORE the guy behind her shoved that water bottle up her ass!
I’m guessing her book “I can make you hot” is 3 chapters:
1. get fake boobs
2. get fake tan
3. profit
That’s the first time I’ve seen maternity pants with a stretch panel in the ass.
Sure, it’s all adorable and trophy wifey until she locks you in a raccoon cage and you end up shooting yourself in the chest and crying about how much it hurts while you take an hour to bleed to death.
I guess he isn’t that short.
Pointy.
Wow r these two still eating each other’s pussies? I thought they broke up.
this bitch is so fucking hideous. And to top it off she has a moronic voice.
It’s almost time to give Christopher Reeve his pocket watch back.
Nice.
I guess that it’s she, and not her sister, who’s taking it in the Duff for money these days.
She should read that book to her knees.
What the F! Superficial! If I want to see alot of pasty ass women in ill fitting shorts, I’ll go to Walmart.
She’s out looking for don’t bees.
This is the face I make every time I see you too
I thought this was Shauna Sand until I read the caption. She’s lost way too much weight. Tits on a stick… next!
Not attractive. How the fuck does she wipe her ass?!?!?!? There is no way she doesn’t leave brown streaks in her underwear.
“Bitch whatchusaid?”
This guy’s so lazy, he can’t even stand when he pumps gas. How about riding a bike, fatty.
Ok, Sharon we get it! You have boobs. With nipples. Ok, go away now!…
I’d hit that… in a Chris Brown sort of way.
Off to their bra fitting.
yeah, they are a chummy pair of bitches, aren’t they.
Like the stegosaurus the Kardashian is able to move its enormous bulk thanks to a secondary brain, twenty times the size of the one contained in its cranial cavity, located in the hip region of the spinal cord.
Dr, Quinn, Medicare Recipient.
More make-up please.
Ya, wish these trannys would at least make an effort to learn how to properly apply their war paint. If you’re going to try and pass off as a woman, go the extra mile. Wearing a thong, getting some implants, and knowing how to tuck your shlong is just the basics. Its the little details like shaving the moustache, faking the high pitch voice, and make-up, that takes it to the next level
She looks like she swallowed a watermellon.
So I’m guessing “Canada Day” makes a lot of men happy! Those Canadians are freaks, I tell you!
For a moment there, I thought that she was holding Verne Troyer.
She supervises the household staff, she eats once a week, she lives off her former musical glory–how does she manage all that and still find time to dress like a street corner hooker? She’s Super Mom!
Victoria’s Secret had a sale on Wonderbras.
I call chicken fillets and a side order of “notice me please”
He looks like an extra from Chariots of Fire.
Is she sexually harassing herself?
I love her hair!
Oh Damnnnnnnn! Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
This is the worst thing to come out of Canada since Nickelback.
Speaking of which, I want my nickel back.
Um….I think you’re forgetting that Bieber is from Canada. At least Carly is a reasonably attractive female, instead of just looking like one a la Bieber.
Thank you Ma’am for pointing me in the right direction, you’re such a sweet heart!!!