The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.15.13

July 15th, 2013 // 357 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily feature of celebrity schadenfreude where I also sometimes clumsily take a stab a relevant cultural events. This weekend saw the end of a high-profile murder trial that’s resulted in a new discussion about race relations in Ameri- OW! *grabs shock collar* Okay, alright, here’s Jay-Z‘s custom made fart-scented mic, the Hugh Jackman photoshop fantasy photo, and you know what? I don’t care, this needs to be said. It’s now become crystal clear to anyone with a brain that black people are still forced to follow a completely different set of social cues than white peo- AHH! OW, FUCK!! *opens Internet Constitution, flips to Article Four: Section Two – Bloggers shall not transpose the discussion of politics, race, or religion with the images of lesbians making blowjob faces or Gwen Stefani‘s hot ass in hotass leather hot pants*

Fine, point taken, you guys wi–WHY DID HE GET OUT OF THE CAR? YOU CAN’T SILENCE ME! (I look forward to your unbridled hate in the comments below),

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll fuck all three if them.

  2. Gwen Stefani Butt Leather Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, I love her ass. I want to bury my face in there.

  3. Pamela Anderson Haggard Face Obliphica Booth Cosmoprof Convention
    Commented on this photo:

    Pamela Anderson tries to remain perfectly still, as not to frighten Dr. Robert Bruce Banner behind her. She would hate for him to begin to transform into the Incredible Hu–OH NO!

  4. Prince William Charity Polo Match
    s45qu4tch
    Commented on this photo:

    This is how the horse taught me to count. 1… 2… 3…

  5. Bar Refaeli Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently she’s into choking during intercourse–those are a lot of prominent bands around her neck. I’d be delighted to put a collar on her and ride, ride, ride…

  6. Jane Lynch Blowjob Face Annie Broadway Final Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she’s planning to go straight and is working that jaw. She’s been out of practice.

  7. Bar Refaeli Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I got nuthin’. This goddess renders me snark-less.

  8. Pamela Anderson Haggard Face Obliphica Booth Cosmoprof Convention
    Commented on this photo:

    Your move, Angie Dickinson…

  9. William Fichtner Capri Pants Pissed Off Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh god, not another flash mob.

  10. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    Commented on this photo:

    Not seen: the stack of pizzas bungied behind the seat he has to have delivered in the next 10 minutes or it comes out of his paycheck.

  11. Mariah Carey Cleavage Bruised Shoulder Glittery Sling
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to do horrible, unspeakably sexy things to her.

  12. Pamela Anderson Haggard Face Obliphica Booth Cosmoprof Convention
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she doing the Pledge of Allegiance?

  13. Matthew McConaughey Scarlett Johansson Dolce & Gabbana Commercial Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “You want me to put that thing in my mouth?”

  14. Selma Blair Nipples No Bra Son Arthur
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice tits.

  15. Jay-Z Yahoo Wireless Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    He waxes his arms? How gangsta.

  16. Tulisa Contostavlos Bikini Floating On Raft
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m ready to release the Kraken.

  17. Anthony Weiner Laughing Hysterically
    Ratsass Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t think he’s laughing. I’m pretty sure he’s about to take the Jimmy Hoffa reality ride.

  18. Nikolaj Coster Waldau Neckbrace The Other Woman Set
    Ratsass Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re not paying you much when you have to be threatened with a shock collar to keep your ass on the set.

  19. Samuel L Jackson Wife LaTanya Richardson
    Commented on this photo:

    Props with sticking with your wife and not dumping her for a trophy wife. God knows the whores are just waiting for the opportunity.

  20. Jay-Z Yahoo Wireless Festival
    Mos
    Commented on this photo:

    Serious question: Are the super-duper-heavy-duty-industrial-strength-bigger-than-big gold chains worn ironically?

  21. Constance Marie Legs Butt Short Shorts Crouching Down With Child Mickey Through The Years Collection Launch
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, little girl, want to look like me when you grow up? Wave goodbye to food and periods!”

  22. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    Commented on this photo:

    The brunette in the middle needs to work on her hand/eye coordination as well as her hand speed. Have another go at this tomorrow, ladies.

  23. Snoop Lion High As Shit
    Commented on this photo:

    First time I’ve ever seen Snoop when he wasn’t loaded on something. *puts hand over mouth and laughs until he pees himself*

  24. Jose Canseco Girlfriend Leila Knight Bikini Alex Thomas Celebrity Golf Tournament Pool Party
    Commented on this photo:

    At least now we know where he hides his baseballs.

  25. Hugh Jackman The Wolverine Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “In the States, as well as in Australia, we wear white shirts like this whenever we fly Asiana Airlines. That way, when it crashes, we’re already dressed for going to Heaven.”

  26. Justin Bieber Shirtless Playing With Old Guys Hair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “Get back down there, Mister, you’re not done yet!”

  27. Serena Williams Butt Leg Stretch Yoga Pants WTA Tournament
    Commented on this photo:

    “My leg has been stuck like this for a week. Maybe that’s why I keep falling down.”

  28. William Fichtner Capri Pants Pissed Off Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a crappy picture of this guy. He’s actually pretty well known by sight and is a good actor. He was hilarious in “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” playing a gay detective.

  29. Mariah Carey Cleavage Bruised Shoulder Glittery Sling
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t particularly like her and wouldn’t know her music from a
    hurdy-gurdy, but I have been obsessed with her breasts for years. C’mon, girlfriend, drop your top.

  30. Nick Cannon Me Sexy Shirt Universal CityWalk Outdoor Concert Series
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, stupid, someone’s banging your wife in New York right now.

  31. Prince William Charity Polo Match
    Commented on this photo:

    “He seems to have a malady of the leg quite similar to the one with which Serena Williams has been suffering.”

  32. Pamela Anderson Haggard Face Obliphica Booth Cosmoprof Convention
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she’s walking the “last mile” to the execution chamber.

  33. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow… can you imagine hot hot this pic would have been 10 years and 20 pounds ago?

  34. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    Commented on this photo:

    John Cusack has found through experience that driving his motorcycle with his hand on the wind screen helps to dry his nail polish.

  35. Snoop Lion High As Shit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Nana! NANA! You’ve got some grey showing. They forgot to finish your colour when they did your permanent!”
    “See… thas why you always been my favourite o’ all my gran chilren’s”.

  36. Anthony Weiner Laughing Hysterically
    Commented on this photo:

    At the beginning of his career, Anthony Weiner considered changing his name to Tony Baloney.

  37. Nick Cannon Me Sexy Shirt Universal CityWalk Outdoor Concert Series
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy is such a shit head, he actually makes me understand why people are fans of Chris Brown.

  38. Shaun White Short Hair Skinny Jeans Tassle Belt Huge Gold Chain
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how much “they” paid him to cut his hair.

  39. Daniel Radcliffe Dark Circles Under Eyes Pale Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Quite frankly, without my glasses I’m as blind as a bat! Does that look anything like my name?”

  40. Samuel L Jackson Wife LaTanya Richardson
    Commented on this photo:

    “Not ONE motherfuckin’ Chinese restaurant in all of Italy? You suppose they have any Goddamned rib joints?”

  41. Daniel Radcliffe Dark Circles Under Eyes Pale Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yer a lizard, Harry!”

  42. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    Commented on this photo:

    Good grief!! So, maybe America’s crusade against brown-to-black people is NOT its greatest sin after all, eh, Fish?

  43. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how much they paid him to accept this thing. Or maybe he was already in Vegas anyway and he figured What the fuck. It comes with a free sandwich…

  44. Anthony Weiner Laughing Hysterically
    Commented on this photo:

    “Stop the car I smell a penny !”

  45. Cat

    Your anger makes me feel a little bit better about the Zimmerman thing. Bless you.

  46. Gwen Stefani Butt Leather Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    All those asian broads got in their car and then died in a fiery car crash. Gwen sucked whatever asian driving skills were left RIGHT out of them.

  47. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    seat filler
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey this is Canada helmets are required

  48. Hugh Jackman The Wolverine Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “From here to my fingertips. THAT’S the non-gay part of me…until it’s up John Travolta’s corn blaster”

  49. Jane Lynch Blowjob Face Annie Broadway Final Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    Inception “bwaaaah”

  50. Serena Williams Butt Leg Stretch Yoga Pants WTA Tournament
    Commented on this photo:

    Predators can play tennis?

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