The Crap We Missed – Monday 7.15.13

July 15th, 2013 // 357 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily feature of celebrity schadenfreude where I also sometimes clumsily take a stab a relevant cultural events. This weekend saw the end of a high-profile murder trial that’s resulted in a new discussion about race relations in Ameri- OW! *grabs shock collar* Okay, alright, here’s Jay-Z‘s custom made fart-scented mic, the Hugh Jackman photoshop fantasy photo, and you know what? I don’t care, this needs to be said. It’s now become crystal clear to anyone with a brain that black people are still forced to follow a completely different set of social cues than white peo- AHH! OW, FUCK!! *opens Internet Constitution, flips to Article Four: Section Two – Bloggers shall not transpose the discussion of politics, race, or religion with the images of lesbians making blowjob faces or Gwen Stefani‘s hot ass in hotass leather hot pants*

Fine, point taken, you guys wi–WHY DID HE GET OUT OF THE CAR? YOU CAN’T SILENCE ME! (I look forward to your unbridled hate in the comments below),

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Shaun White Short Hair Skinny Jeans Tassle Belt Huge Gold Chain
    Joy
    Commented on this photo:

    Fellas, if you’re straight, do not wear “skinny jeans”. Unless of course you never want to get laid again… by a female.
    Signed
    ~ a female

  2. Selma Blair Nipples No Bra Son Arthur
    Tricky Fish
    Commented on this photo:

    The ratty hair, hemp necklace and artist’s shoes? Somebody’s been attending the Shia Lebouef Preschool of Douchenozzlery.

  3. William Fichtner Capri Pants Pissed Off Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    “Capri pants for men” — thought no sane man ever.

  4. Nikolaj Coster Waldau Neckbrace The Other Woman Set
    Tricky Fish
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit! It looks like “Ernest files a personal injury lawsuit”!

  5. Hugh Jackman The Wolverine Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    Photoshop – do your worst.

  6. Constance Marie Legs Butt Short Shorts Crouching Down With Child Mickey Through The Years Collection Launch
    MIRV
    Commented on this photo:

    “I wanna see Mickey Through The Years; not this attn-whoring c*nt.” -Smartest person so far on these.

  7. Justin Bieber Shirtless Playing With Old Guys Hair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Oops. Didn’t know I could piss that high.

  8. Pamela Anderson Haggard Face Obliphica Booth Cosmoprof Convention
    Commented on this photo:

    Why doesn’t Mark Cuban just put her out of her misery and hire her for the weekend?

  9. Serena Williams Butt Leg Stretch Yoga Pants WTA Tournament
    Commented on this photo:

    WTA Tournament? More like WTF?

  10. Bar Refaeli Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Have her tits deflated?

  11. Matthew McConaughey Scarlett Johansson Dolce & Gabbana Commercial Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait, why is your shirt on?”

  12. Nikolaj Coster Waldau Neckbrace The Other Woman Set
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    ACTING!

  13. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh no, don’t pull off my top in front of the paparazzi and make me briefly relevant!”

  14. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    Commented on this photo:

    That Delta Force remake looks incredibly lame.

  15. Justin Bieber Shirtless Playing With Old Guys Hair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “There’s no mop bucket, so I need you to kneel down”

  16. Shaun White Short Hair Skinny Jeans Tassle Belt Huge Gold Chain
    Commented on this photo:

    wow, he took the big dive from snowboard punk to metro sexual hipster in a big way.

  17. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    He styles hair now? Is there anything this man can’t do?

  18. Jose Canseco Girlfriend Leila Knight Bikini Alex Thomas Celebrity Golf Tournament Pool Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Smart thinking Jose. It’s always a good idea to bring a personal flotation device to a pool party.

  19. Jose Canseco Girlfriend Leila Knight Bikini Alex Thomas Celebrity Golf Tournament Pool Party
    Commented on this photo:

    All i see is steroids and a bad boob job, and badly shown off at that.

  20. Jose Canseco Girlfriend Leila Knight Bikini Alex Thomas Celebrity Golf Tournament Pool Party
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    His tweets are like drunk history. But he’s not goofing around.

  21. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s he doing with John Hamm’s cock ring?

  22. Tulisa Contostavlos Bikini Floating On Raft
    Commented on this photo:

    Let them breathe…

  23. Snoop Lion High As Shit
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve heard of half-baked. This must be twice baked.

  24. Jane Lynch Blowjob Face Annie Broadway Final Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    They say there’s a first time for everything.

  25. Justin Bieber Shirtless Playing With Old Guys Hair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that Peter North?

  26. Serena Williams Butt Leg Stretch Yoga Pants WTA Tournament
    Commented on this photo:

    All I can think of is that bit bit Larry the Cable Guy does about his gramma farting in spandex pants. Caution-air brakes.

  27. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    Commented on this photo:

    The Era of Unfortunate Headscarfs ended a really long time ago, John.

  28. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    guy
    Commented on this photo:

    bunch of fucking haters, you all are.

  29. Jay-Z Yahoo Wireless Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oughga-loug-phalala-fallahg-gahllorgh-lough-thuurgh-groughalala…

    PEACE!!!”

  30. Matthew McConaughey Scarlett Johansson Dolce & Gabbana Commercial Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Those aren’t bongos.”

  31. Anthony Weiner Laughing Hysterically
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hyyyyyynnnnnnah!”

  32. Shaun White Short Hair Skinny Jeans Tassle Belt Huge Gold Chain
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s goes the street cred.

  33. Daniel Radcliffe Dark Circles Under Eyes Pale Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why of course I’d be happy to draw a penis in mouth!”

  34. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mario Lopez receiving The 2013 North America Crystal Vagina Award at the Manadalay Bay Hotel and Casino in Vegas. (July 14, 2013)”

  35. Hugh Jackman The Wolverine Press Conference
    awkward turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is the button, on the left wrist here, that you shove under the mens’ room stall in the Minneapolis airport. This one.”

  36. William Fichtner Capri Pants Pissed Off Look On Face
    awkarad turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    He has been in dozens of movies, but perhaps his most recognized role is that of the original model for the Ballard Street comic strip.

  37. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry, lots of type-o’s folks:

    “Mario Lopez receiving The 2013 North America Crystal Vagina Award at the Manadagay Gay Hotel and Gaysino in Vegays. (July 14, 2013)”

  38. Prince William Charity Polo Match
    awkward turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    Official Scorer 1: “What’s he doing now?”

    Official Scorer 2″ “Hell if I know, but just put him down for a hat trick like always.”

  39. Jose Canseco Girlfriend Leila Knight Bikini Alex Thomas Celebrity Golf Tournament Pool Party
    dmbishop
    Commented on this photo:

    Honey, after the pool party I really need to spend time on fixing the quantum fluctuations in the cold fusion reactor…

    OK sweetie, but first I have to swing over to the UN to give them the peace plan they tasked me with creating…

  40. Selma Blair Nipples No Bra Son Arthur
    awkward turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    There is a typo in the caption. It should read:

    “Selma Blair with her daughter Arthur in Los Angeles. (July 14, 2013)”

  41. Bar Refaeli Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not unattractive.

  42. John Cusack Scooter Headband All Black Outfit
    awkward turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    There is a typo in the caption. It should read:

    “Joan Cusack in Toronto. (July 13, 2013)”

  43. Matthew McConaughey Scarlett Johansson Dolce & Gabbana Commercial Set
    Commented on this photo:

    She doesn’t do it for me anymore. She used to be much hotter.

  44. Shaun White Short Hair Skinny Jeans Tassle Belt Huge Gold Chain
    awkward turtle
    Commented on this photo:

    No, no guys. You’ve got it wrong. The red tassle on the right front belt loop means he is NOT gay.

  45. Kelly Monaco Cheryl Burke Grabbing Shanna Moakler Breasts Bikini Nipple Slip
    dirk diggler
    Commented on this photo:

    Shanna Moakler is begining to get some Tara Reid stomach

  46. Gwen Stefani Butt Leather Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn she still looks fucking amazing.

  47. Mario Lopez North America Hairstyling Award
    Commented on this photo:

    He showed up to get a hairstyling award, really? How shit is his career?

  48. Daniel Radcliffe Dark Circles Under Eyes Pale Skin
    Pippi Longcocking
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know! It IS amazing that I’m still famous! I’m just as surprised as you are!”

  49. Prince William Charity Polo Match
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Avoid the steaming divot, not kill it with your mallet.

  50. Mariah Carey Cleavage Bruised Shoulder Glittery Sling
    Steve
    Commented on this photo:

    And out of the paparazzi’s incessant glare, nick cannon nurses a smashed skull.

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