The Crap We Missed – Monday 6.6.11

June 6th, 2011 // 722 Comments

Apparently, “taking a step back” from your marriage means posting more bikini photos on Twitter so guys want to do you. I’m on board.

Welcome to The Crap We Missed: The part of the day where we sift through the ungodly amounts of photos at our disposal and then hurl the best ones in your face like some sort of Internet Rip Taylor. No homo. — Okay, a little. Today, we’ve got Jessica Simpson taking a tour of Yale and wondering when they get to play Quidditch like that college Harry Potter goes to, Chyna returning to her (he/she porn) roots, Black Heff‘s sheer existence canceling out Tila Tequila and the most unbelievable Kirstie Alley photo you’ll ever see in your life. I guess Scientologists really do know magic.

We’re all dead.

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    If this pic doesn’t get Carmen Sandiego out of hiding, I don’t know what will…

  2. Mark Ballas
    Keyser Ballsy
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s where I inject the testosterone”

  3. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Bimbo and the Butch

  4. Andrew Dice Clay
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn! So sad Gene Simmons is down on his luck!

  5. Commented on this photo:

    Sexy

  6. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    crys
    Commented on this photo:

    Michael Kors is gonna kill someone when he sees this photo LOL

  7. Ryan Seacrest Julianne Hough
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, I give up. How many blocks is he standing on?

  8. Kate Gosselin
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    So THAT’S what Kelly Rippa’s navel hatched into.

  9. Sophie Turner
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    A little too Cocoish.

  10. Mr. T
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    You know, most people would just wear a jock or cup to keep their balls contained…

  11. Kate Gosselin
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still doing shit? Jesus woman you have fifteen fucking kids. How about you try taking care of one?

  12. Jack Black Kung Fu Panda 2
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    The guy pushing the cart seriously tells people back home that he “works in show business”.

  13. Mila's Labia Majora

    Hey Fish (and you other biased douchebags)…You know what you missed???

    WEINER WIFE SILENT…
    ‘To the best of my knowledge they were all adults’…
    WHACKED, NOT HACKED!
    TWITTER TEARS: WEINER ADMITS
    Congressman used Jewish stereotype while sexting…
    ‘Never had sex outside my marriage’…
    WEINERGATE: New pics hit the ‘net…
    WILL HOLD 4 P.M. PRESS CONFERENCE…
    Woman claims to have 200 explicit messages from NY DUMBocrat…

    Yea, your boy Anthony Weiner and his trysts, his stereotyping Jewish women, his abuse of power, his phone calls/computer connections that were taxpayer funded, his BOLD FACED lie to the camera and making up of story then recanting etc.

    Yea, thats the crap YOU missed.

    • Venom

      You need mental help.
      I will bet dollars to donuts that you are on a Watch List.

    • TomFrank

      I must have missed all those posts where Fish defended Anthony Weiner or otherwise spoke well of him politically prior to this whole imbroglio. According to Google, the only reference to Weiner on The Superficial was the passing comment Fish made about the photos last week.

      I also must have missed Fish’s posts on the Congressman who posed shirtless on Craigslist, the Congressman who sexually harassed his staff, the Senator who slept with his aide’s wife and then paid them hush money, or the Governor who flew to South America to see his mistress.

      The only political sex scandals I’ve seen here have been those of (Republican)
      Arnold Schwarzenegger—because he’s a movie star, not because he’s a former governor—and (Democrat) Eliot Spitzer, because… I don’t remember exactly. Something about his hooker being online or in a Girls Gone Wild video or something.

      So quit whining about double standards that don’t exist.

      • duh

        I know I’m a little late here…but there is a steady stream of leftist dogma at this site…you’re not paying attention. He can barely go two days without comparing something to Palin’s downey baby or whatever the hell.

  14. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m gonna just be honest about it and call her a bitch with fake tits because I’m jealous and would kill to be in her place.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Wow,honesty following stupidity is not becoming…she just had a baby, those aren’t fake tits, there temporary tits!

      • WilmaMankiller

        If you are a girl and you are jealous of another girl, you put down everything about her-fake tits,hair weave, lyposuction,etc. Even if you know all those things are hers you act that way because of the jealously.

  15. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    I hear next she’s going on tour as the lead singer in Warrant.

  16. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Jenny with a Y
    Commented on this photo:

    If she’s looking for another washed up child star, I hear Macaulay Culkin is single.

  17. Ari Ola

    Custom built for titty f***ing!!!

  18. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Cant stand this attention starved scab on society.

  19. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    A woman who looks like a cat is flipping the bird. There’s gotta be a Sylvester and Tweety joke in here somewhere.

  20. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Lick it.
    LICK IT.

  21. Kate Gosselin
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    What a fucking pig this hag is – not a single redeeming REAL quality about her.

  22. Jon Hamm
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Pocket pool and an unexpectedly jagged fingernail.

  23. Artofwar

    …Men should take this here as a learning experience, in reference to marrying half-dykes.

    Your half-dyke wife will aways have a suppressed longing for fish, you can’t possibly fry…..Artofwar

    • Just a Guy

      That is the best reason I have heard to Marry a Half-Dykes.
      As long as I can watch. And then play with my Wife :-)’

      • Artofwar

        …Yea, and once the excitement of watching your wife getting muffed dived grows old— you will find yourself bored, and half dykeless, because the other full-dyke stole your half-dyke wife.

        Once you’ve seen 20 or 40 females dyking it out, it seems to lose its dyke appeal, or at least it has for me….Artofwar

  24. Andrew Dice Clay
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    Hickory dickory dock, he now sucks dick for rock.

  25. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    The smaller one could actually fit into the Wookie’s purse.

  26. Chyna Porn
    Jenny with a Y
    Commented on this photo:

    Where did the hide the penis?

  27. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s putting them out there for us on a Silver Platter, because apparently she thinks that it is ♫ “Time to change…” ♫

  28. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    Jebus! He needs a fucking sham wow to sop up the grease he was apparently dunked in. I bet he smells like coconuts and asshole. However, he should probably get rid of his old vowels and renew those motherfuckers.

  29. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Neither of them could ever spell YALE on their own, maybe not even if we spot them a letter or two.

  30. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is that?!?!
    Seriously!
    What the fuck IS that?

  31. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    This elephant is extremely mal-nourished. Please alert PETA.

  32. Jaime King
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    This is Lohan if she ate right, worked out and actually had a job.

  33. Sophie Turner
    cuppy
    Commented on this photo:

    She going for the Marg Helgenberger look?

  34. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Jenny with a Y
    Commented on this photo:

    Not pictured: The villagers and their torches.

  35. Mr. T
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Rex Kwaen Do.

    “Do you think I got where I am by dressing like Peter Pan here?”

  36. Sophie Turner
    Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    AAAAA, I’m sick of seeing Justin Timberlake’s stupid boyband face everytime I go to a new page!

  37. Tara Reid
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    What could have been …

  38. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    Commented on this photo:

    David Hasselhoff unveils the new line of Baywatch Tampons.

  39. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    His cup almost looks like it says “Jack Off”, which would be a better fitting description.

  40. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    Jenny with a Y
    Commented on this photo:

    I see Anonymous has a new target.

  41. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s not enough that it’s got a face like a feline, now someone went and left it outside and the snails crawled all over it.

  42. hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    When the pic first pulled up, I thought they got the wrong side of her.

    Then I scrolled down and realized how wrong I was.

  43. Kate Gosselin
    Commented on this photo:

    “You’re not going to trick me with fake manhole prank again.”

  44. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    The magic of dancing as exercise. And Spanx. And liposuction.

  45. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Heeeeereee kitty kitty kitty.

  46. Andrew Dice Clay
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    No matter how far he falls, he will NOT give up the Elvis Blue Blockers.

  47. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    seals
    Commented on this photo:

    I never thought I’d see Jessica Alba looking fatter than Jessica Simpson…

    • Esoteric

      Yeah crazy what a little thing like being heavily pregnant will do to a body.

      See what I did there?

      No? Figures.

  48. Sarah Gilbert
    HumpinFrog
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t that the “Child Catcher” from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? He’s aging well.

  49. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    Commented on this photo:

    “Tragedy struck at the “Dance With Me Studios Presents: All The Right Moves Summer Invitational in New York City when three people were killed and 42 were seriously injured in a freak accident involving a Kirstie Alley wardrobe malfunction. Story at 11:00.”

  50. Andrew Dice Clay
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Mr. Dice Clay went out one day
    And sat himself down on the block.
    He thought with a shock:
    “I could suck dick for rock!
    But that would make me look totally gay.”
    So he put his phone to his ear,
    And said with a sneer:
    “I’m fuckin’ dyin’ here”.
    His agent responded:
    “Don’t be so despondent!
    Go fucking kill yourself!”

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