The Crap We Missed – Monday 6.6.11

June 6th, 2011 // 722 Comments

Apparently, “taking a step back” from your marriage means posting more bikini photos on Twitter so guys want to do you. I’m on board.

Welcome to The Crap We Missed: The part of the day where we sift through the ungodly amounts of photos at our disposal and then hurl the best ones in your face like some sort of Internet Rip Taylor. No homo. — Okay, a little. Today, we’ve got Jessica Simpson taking a tour of Yale and wondering when they get to play Quidditch like that college Harry Potter goes to, Chyna returning to her (he/she porn) roots, Black Heff‘s sheer existence canceling out Tila Tequila and the most unbelievable Kirstie Alley photo you’ll ever see in your life. I guess Scientologists really do know magic.

We’re all dead.

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kate Gosselin
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    That dress hides a multitude of sins.

  2. Chyna Porn
    dotmatrix
    Commented on this photo:

    SNOO SNOO

  3. Jack Black Kung Fu Panda 2
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    Always an Asian man in the the background, squinting it all with his eyes.

  4. Kate Gosselin
    Govt. Cheese
    Commented on this photo:

    This is why Rich people are usually better looking. It’s amazing how MUCH better she looks now that she has some change in her pocket.

  5. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    After being kicked out of their 12th hotel, Jenny and Snooki seek other options.

  6. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    Bertha and Betty of the Butt Sisters.

  7. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    malberry
    Commented on this photo:

    nice jowls

  8. Ryan Seacrest Julianne Hough
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how long before she gives up on this whole older man thing she has going on?

  9. Sarah Gilbert
    malberry
    Commented on this photo:

    i’ll get you my pretty… and your little dog too

  10. Kate Gosselin
    Bill
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere, there are eight motherless kids being watched by strangers.

  11. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Biggie Biggie Biggie, can’t you see, somehow your words just hypnotize me…

  12. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    The joke ‘ll be on the two Jessicas when they discover Yale’s not a community college.

  13. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    dotmatrix
    Commented on this photo:

    She still appears in public? I thought she had been locked away in a dungeon or something.

  14. Tara Reid
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    I think it’s pretty cool how they used the leftover skin from her tummy tuck to make that designer handbag. Open the car’s trunk and you’ll find matching luggage.

  15. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    Lynette
    Commented on this photo:

    Ladies and Gentlemen…. the HOFSICLE!

  16. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    rough text
    Commented on this photo:

    That guy is smart. He didn’t even bothers with celebrities parties, magazine publisher, plus what ever took years for Hugh to accomplished. Homeboy, said fuck I am the black Heff I don;t have to work for anything. So what, im another of the millions wanna pimp leaving in grandmama’s basement and driving a nice pre owned BMW. Haters.

  17. Ryan Seacrest Julianne Hough
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    Time to change the battery on your Stepford date, Seacrest.

  18. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish I had a nickel for every time Eddy Murphy has sucked this guy’s toes…

  19. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    at the back of the head, the ears are touching under that wig. dude’s fucked.

  20. Jaime King
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    Her claim to fame is getting banged by Kid Rock. I dont know if her leg has been knocked around backwards or what.

  21. Andrew Dice Clay
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    I like how he’s pretending to own a cell phone by holding a cigarette pack to his ear. Yes indeedy, ADC has still got it!

  22. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Black Heff is SO black, when he gets in the limo the oil light goes on. BAM.

  23. Sophie Turner
    Eddie
    Commented on this photo:

    I like the Sophie Turner from Game Of Thrones better.

  24. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    rough text
    Commented on this photo:

    I knew it.

    There was a sale on skin transplant that day. Tara Rein got some on her stomach.

  25. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    How much herpes medication and candy bars are in your purse that you need to take luggage everywhere you go?

  26. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    close your mouth honey, you look like a trout.

  27. Jamie-Lynn Sigler
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she missed a spot shaving… on the back of her arm. Gooly-goo-goo!

  28. Sophie Turner
    Just a Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a Great Ass. Best looking Lawyer I have ever seen.

  29. Sophie Turner
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Not too shabby.

  30. Sophie Turner
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    I give up, is this Gunnar or Matthew Nelson?

  31. Mr. T
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks more like Ice T with a beard than T.

  32. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    We’re going to need a tiny hamburger!

  33. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Khloe reminds me of Matilda the Hun, a GLOW wrestler from the 1980s. Watch this and let me know what you think. The resemblance is incredible.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9z3jq_tammy-jones-vs-matilda-the-hun-crow_sport

  34. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    S'up Bitches!
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, where are the “you loser’s only wished you could hit that” posts from the fat chicks? There should have been at least one by now.

  35. Kate Gosselin
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate you, fame.

  36. Tara Reid
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    Glad to see her boobs arent nearly as deformed as they once were.

  37. Jack Black Kung Fu Panda 2
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Jack Black doing a spot-on impression of my dog.

  38. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    It must be Lt. Saavik’s 7th year.

  39. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I always told Paltrow to stop buying the cheap shit off of Charlie’s dealer, but Noooooooooo, someone wanted “to save money!!”

  40. Andrew Dice Clay
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “WaitaminUTE! You’re sayin’ I’m not an Italian? A, a fucking Jew, are YOU KIDDIN’ ME?!”

  41. Chyna Porn
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    (In a plastic surgeon’s office in the San Fernando Valley)
    “Can you give me lips that say, ‘DUHHH’?”

  42. Jack Black Kung Fu Panda 2
    hbw
    Commented on this photo:

    No ret faht in taxi, Mistah Brack!

  43. Jon Hamm
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn it. Even while making a goofy face, he’s still way hotter than I am.

  44. Mark Ballas
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Dis-a where I got da ouchy pitcha!

  45. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    WilmaMankiller
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope God would just go ahead and kill me instead of allowing me to walk around with a face that looks like I was attacked by a troop of chimps.

  46. Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Now that’s she’s single, why doesnt she just start posting pics of herself getting fucked by random dudes, like that guy’s wife in”Boogie Nights”?

    That fucking drivewall scene was hysterical.

    “What the fuck are you doing?”

    “What’s it look like they’re doing?”

    “That’s my wife.”

    “Shut up Bill, you’re embarassing me.”

  47. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Ham Beast with her ham bag.

  48. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr
    Keyser Ballsy
    Commented on this photo:

    More like Miranda Kerr-vaceous

  49. Jamie-Lynn Sigler
    Keyser Ballsy
    Commented on this photo:

    She smells of Turtle Wax and Dirty Sanchez.

    Would still hit.

  50. Sarah Gilbert
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a might disapproving look for someone who has only seen the lens of a paparazzi camera once a decade.

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