The Crap We Missed – Monday 6.6.11

June 6th, 2011 // 722 Comments

Apparently, “taking a step back” from your marriage means posting more bikini photos on Twitter so guys want to do you. I’m on board.

Welcome to The Crap We Missed: The part of the day where we sift through the ungodly amounts of photos at our disposal and then hurl the best ones in your face like some sort of Internet Rip Taylor. No homo. — Okay, a little. Today, we’ve got Jessica Simpson taking a tour of Yale and wondering when they get to play Quidditch like that college Harry Potter goes to, Chyna returning to her (he/she porn) roots, Black Heff‘s sheer existence canceling out Tila Tequila and the most unbelievable Kirstie Alley photo you’ll ever see in your life. I guess Scientologists really do know magic.

We’re all dead.

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    tayker
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit! I wasn’t prepared for that.

  2. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Quijibo
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face irritates me. Her tits on the other hand…

  3. Armando

    Hey Adrianne call me I get to those extra three inches Chris could never reach

  4. Chyna Porn
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    I said then “don’t worry, she’ll be baack on her knees in no time”

  5. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Mark B
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet if her and John Merrick banged out a kid, it would be SOOOO adorable.

  6. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    Mark B
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one black, greasy dude. Looks like a Snickers bar dipped in water.

  7. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously, it’s June in fucking Italy. What the fuck are you doing wearing snow boots, you stupid fucking TROLL!?!?!

  8. Kate Gosselin
    ian
    Commented on this photo:

    They just let anyone in NY nowadays.

  9. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    the docta
    Commented on this photo:

    lamar odom is a fucking retard. hes a professional baller and for some reason he felt the need to settle down with this slobberino?? he is a disgrace to mankind.

  10. Sophie Turner
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Come to butthead……

  11. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    John Henry
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hit it. Like a railway spike.

  12. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    hobo killer
    Commented on this photo:

    Flava Flav?

  13. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    I have no words. But I need a towel.

  14. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    Seat Filler
    Commented on this photo:

    Now this what I expected the Shriver-Schwanegger to produce

  15. baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    Fellas, I have a fever!!! And the only prescription… is more thwap-thwap-thwap!!!

  16. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    RivernEygpt
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell did Kris Jenner screw 27 years ago?

  17. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Buttercup
    Commented on this photo:

    Honestly not jealous (ok, maybe bitter) but she tries way too hard. Weird for someone who shouldn’t have to. Dare I say it? She’s starting to have that look of being on the edge of “over” (Jenna James and Janice Dickinson style). The cave between her knockers is looking slightly Tori Spelling as well.

  18. Do_Freebirdr

    You know your modeling career is going great when you get your bikini pics taken in front of blow-up pool toys and a random man who’s probably watching his kids.

  19. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    Buttercup
    Commented on this photo:

    No more scowling at this age; it’s not sexy at some point.

  20. Chyna Porn
    Buttercup
    Commented on this photo:

    Who?

  21. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    how can u miss that?

  22. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder when the first lawsuit will pop up of someone choking on the Hoff?

  23. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a really bloated Julia Stiles…

  24. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    UnholyKrep
    Commented on this photo:

    Jennifer Beals laughed. A lot.

  25. Kirstie Alley Thin Skinny
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    I would hate to be anything breakable in the room where she undresses and releases all that compressed fat

  26. Chyna Porn
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    where’s the justice? we lose Macho Man yet still have this?

  27. Jon Hamm
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    he’s looking for a place to spit the load he just received

  28. Kourtney Kardashian Khloe Kardashian
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    so THAT’S where all of Kirstie’s fat went…

  29. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    Since the Two Coreys show ended with the death of one, what’s the odds we would lose a Jessica if they teamed up for a reality show?

  30. Black Heff Ice-T Coco Renew Vows
    UnholyKrep
    Commented on this photo:

    Black Heff?

    Nah, Heff wit.

  31. Ryan Seacrest Julianne Hough
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    Ryan Seacrest….OUT

  32. Mr. T
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    Yanno’, all I have to say about the T is, well done, sir! You have my deepest respect for fighting the good fight against that bastard cancer and coming out on top!

  33. Jon Hamm
    JMS
    Commented on this photo:

    Blue steel?

  34. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    would someone please get Tori Spelling an EpiPen, stat?

  35. Andrew Dice Clay
    vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    the secret to my fashion? two words: comfortable shoes!

  36. Commented on this photo:

    DOES THIS BACK HAVE A NAME?? If so, do tell!!!

  37. Sarah Gilbert
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Where did that lesbo get kids that look like her?

  38. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, Jessica Alba I can believe, but who let Jessica Simpson on that campus? Campus Police!!

  39. Jaime King
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked okay…nice dress, hair neatly styled; then you get down to the ‘ho shoes in the little girl pose. WTF?

  40. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are these bag ladies always pushing such tiny carts?

  41. Jocelyn Wildenstein
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    The new mask design for Phantom of the Opera II is horrifying!

  42. Andrew Dice Clay
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit! Hahahaha!!!

  43. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought that was Tila Tequila for a moment there. Hey Miranda, get some plastic surgery quick before your career goes in the toilet.

  44. dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    How pathetic do you have to be that you can’t even keep a Brady Bunch kid?

  45. Jessica Simpson Jessica Alba Yale University
    Shorty80
    Commented on this photo:

    Who would let these two idiots near this school? The IQ of everyone in a 5 mile radius must have plummeted.

  46. Jersey Shore Snooki JWoww
    Shorty80
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently MTV wants Italy to declare war on us.

  47. Adrianne Curry Bikini Twitter
    Steelerchick
    Commented on this photo:

    I hear Jerry Mathers from Leave it to Beaver is available.

  48. Tara Reid
    Shorty80
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she have some kind of corrective cosmetic surgery? We’ve only been subjected to certain angles and lighting, but it seems like she looks better these days.

  49. David Hasselhoff Freezer Pop Del Monte Smoothie
    Steelerchick
    Commented on this photo:

    Bite me!

  50. Kate Gosselin
    Steelerchick
    Commented on this photo:

    Ooompa Loompa

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