Apparently, “taking a step back” from your marriage means posting more bikini photos on Twitter so guys want to do you. I’m on board.
Welcome to The Crap We Missed: The part of the day where we sift through the ungodly amounts of photos at our disposal and then hurl the best ones in your face like some sort of Internet Rip Taylor. No homo. — Okay, a little. Today, we’ve got Jessica Simpson taking a tour of Yale and wondering when they get to play Quidditch like that college Harry Potter goes to, Chyna returning to her (he/she porn) roots, Black Heff‘s sheer existence canceling out Tila Tequila and the most unbelievable Kirstie Alley photo you’ll ever see in your life. I guess Scientologists really do know magic.
We’re all dead.
- The Superficial
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Photo: Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
“Wow, it’s so realistic! You even made it reek like alcohol!”
I wonder if anyone has what she’s so obviously looking for.
She has my attention. That’s what she is looking for.
So, how long till she hits 300 again? Place your bets, gentlemen.
6 months, tops.
I’m guessing she’ll be slim one whole year before she morphs into a sea lion again…
Very disturbing photo.
You know you’re a douchebag when you can’t even get the “douchebag lip-purse” right.
I’d eat me. I’d eat me so hard.
♫ Goodbye horses, I’m dying over you… ♫
+1, I bet he tucks better than buffalo bill too.
Where the hell did she find long-sleeved full-body Spanx?
I sense a new endorsement deal coming up.
Wow…Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez really DO make a cute couple!
LMAO!
Looks like Selena’s finally getting fed up with that little shit.
a little known fact about lord xenu. he invented spanx. and kirstie allie just traded her sea org membership for the best pair ever.
*checks amazon for pop instant corn sales*
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she looks pretty good here
That’s because her stomach is perfectly shadowed.
She’s looked worse, I’ll grant you that.
vera dimilo, is that you?
LOL!
Beats my “Why the long face?” comment all to hell.
who is this broad?
“Bring me Aubrey O’Day’s ham-shaped vagina.”
and that’s when the doctor said, “no, that doesn’t look normal at all. I’ve never seen armpit hair do that”.
Are she and Dina Lohan morphing into the same person?
JESUS H. M. F. CHRIST! she can change her name to Frankenstein now
OH MY GOD…I was eating! NOT cool, Fish, …NOT cool
Looking suprisingly good. Just don’t show me the belly.
Tru dat!
the friends with benefits movie ad makes me realize how much these two look like they could be sisters. same exotic look.
I guess she just tucked everything in the back?
There’s a John Deere on the other side of that backdrop burning rubber….
And it’s Abby Normal FTW!
thought it was a guy holy shit
Khloe: “This time I’d better cover the cameltoe. That’s why I brought the hige purse.”
Hmm… IQ of both combined?? 1? 2?
thats good enough for Yale
And not a single fuck was given that day.
Haha! That’s basically what I was thinking. That you for stating it eloquently.
Yeah, “that” is wrong.
She is gross. As a woman myself, I can appreciate the sexiness of another woman. This one, however, is nasty!
Please. Nobody can deny she has a pretty smoking body.
Unfortunately, there’s not enough tit in this picture to make up for the gratuitous amount of “gross” face though.
u need glasses drew!
If you had a penis, you would understand.
If OctoMom’s been doing porn all this time, why can’t she pay her damn mortgage?
perfect back
That look the wookie has…..she’s either ready to forage for food or is scoping out more places to shop.
definitely soon to be dating a marvel comics artist. she allowed a good grop shot of hers with Stan Lee. not as excessive as the Timberlake/Kunis one but just as close.
wait, if she’s sitting there, then who’s pushing the shopping cart?
:-)
Head and shoulders above the humans.
Take the test. One is pregnant. Can you guess which it is?
Here’s John Candy and his date Kourtney Kardashian steppin’ out on the red carpet at the premiere of “Uncle Buck: Witness Protection”.
Too soon.
TOTALLY looks like John Candy!!! I thought the same thing!!!
That’s not even mean. She DOES look like John Candy!!
She really does. Poor John Candy.
Now that you mention it, I think you’re right. But when I first saw the picture I thought she was Lon Chaney, Jr.
he just achieved the ultimate fantasy of having to suck himself off without surgery and a large penis.
or having to swallow his own load…
ummm. any guy can do that.
Attention Whore
I *LOVE* attention whores who look like this.
Bitter much, bing?
If you look close, you can see Jessica Simpson’s wearing a disguise, and it looks like a Mr. Potato Head nose.
she almost looks fuckable.
Still sounds like a truckstop waitress when she talks.
Has-been and passed-by.
Methinks someone has gotten their drunk on.
Hot meets boring.
“Oh wow, there are wheels on our luggage? You’re a genius, Snooks!”
Hey, Guy Fawkes…wake the hell up! If there was EVER a time to detonate a bomb, it’s RIGHT NOW!
Are there even words?
No.
Well look who turned up. Fat has-been and fatter has-been.
Night Elf Mohawk looks like shit in the daytime.
Mmmmmm, beer.
She did that to herself. Sickening.
Jennifer Aniston never looked hotter.
Thank God she got rid of all those damned kids. Now she’s a STAR! Wait, why is she famous again? Oh, right. The kids.
Nothing says “Max Muscle Training Gear” like Starbucks and a smoke. Hey, it works for Kirsten Dunst, right?
Tila Tequila looks different. Maybe it’s the hair.