The Crap We Missed – Monday 5.19.14

May 19th, 2014 // 498 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, a super-sized selection of what happened to be a weekend of a zillion events, even though I definitely focused way too hard on The Expendables 3 premiere at Cannes. But there’s also stuff from The BAFTA Awards where Helena Bonham Carter somehow managed to look not homeless as well as Jason Statham discovering MDMA and I’m talking the good shit that can only delivered to you vaginally from Lindsay Lohan, not whatever bullshit Banderas slipped everybody at lunch.

And duh, butts. There will always be butts,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Baldwin Daughter Carmen Hamptons
    Commented on this photo:

    “HA, HA, HA…FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE BABY!”

  2. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Shortly after this pic was taken, many beach go’ers were confused when they tried to push the whale back into the ocean and it said, “No, no… I’m just doing yoga”.

  3. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    It had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    I smell fish.

  4. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Stallone looks like he is wearing a mask of himself.

  5. Estella Warren Crazy Face Cleavage KM Fine Arts Group Show Opening
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she at a Terry Richardson shoot?

  6. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if Cannes will ever recover from the geritol gang being this year’s biggest draw.

  7. Rosario Dawson Swimsuit Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Man… she is at the point where her hotness could really go either way. I mean, I’d still do her but I wouldn’t be able to brag to my friends as much and… aw, who the hell am I kidding? If I banged Melanie Griffith tomorrow I’d brag to the world!

    So lonely…

  8. Arnold Schwarzenegger Shirtless Filming With Ipad On Balcony Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    “I vant to order some maid service.”

    “You mean room service?”

    “Ya sure. what did I say?”

  9. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    You guys, calm down, the caption is right. Morgan Fishburne ate Samuel. So, he is in this photo.

  10. Sam Neill Moustache TV BAFTA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “Cap’n…The Dylithium Crystals can’nae take this kind of pressure!”

  11. Lena Dunham Striped Green Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Still showing too much skin.

  12. Eva Longoria Butt Tight Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish our paparazzi wore helmets. Mainly because I wish high speed pursuits on motorcycles that end at concrete pillars happened more often.

  13. Dita Von Teese Cleavage Lingerie Launch Bloomingdales
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    The woman knows her angles. She’s not actually pretty at all, but this is a hot picture.

  14. Jason Statham Drunk High Gotha Club
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s weird to see him smiling. Why do I feel like my life is in danger all of a sudden?

  15. Brooke Burke Charvet Cleavage Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    I get the feeling she has to move a lot.

  16. Taylor Swift Crazy Skinny Legs Heels
    Commented on this photo:

    She’d make an interesting hood ornament.

  17. Sam Neill Moustache TV BAFTA Awards
    maoix
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t just suppress 65 million years of mustache instinct.

  18. Adriana Lima Cleavage Legs Slit Dress The Homesman Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture is very confusing – I’m sure from one angle she is very sexy, but from another angle very man-ish. It’s like looking at a picture of Adriana Lima! Wait a minute…

  19. Busta Rhymes Fat Belly High As Shit Bodyguard
    Commented on this photo:

    Shit France, you better watch out, he’s come to busta cheese.

  20. Micaela Schaefer Nipples See Through Lingerie 'Lieber Nackt Als Gar Keine Masche Book Promotion
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she needs a deutsche

  21. Kate Hudson Nipples Midriff
    Commented on this photo:

    Once upon a time there was Almost Famous. Now there is almost famous and soon to be followed up with…hey, nipples!

  22. Pamela Anderson Nipple Slip Cleavage Drunk High Tired
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great. Even young, gay Elvis thinks so.

  23. Taylor Swift Crazy Skinny Legs Heels
    Commented on this photo:

    Gee-Zuz CHRIST! Whenever I hear the name, “Taylor Swift” all I think is; “Oh, yah… that crazy chick with the arrested development of a girl in 8th grade.”

    Then I see pics like this where she’s just walking around and all I can think is, “Damn! How sweet would it be to be the subject of her next album?”.

  24. Busta Rhymes Fat Belly High As Shit Bodyguard
    Commented on this photo:

    Trainer: “Yo Busta, you remember to work out every day when you takin’ them steroids and drinkin’ protein shakes, right?”
    Busta: “No… “

  25. Prince Charles Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall Exiting Plane
    Commented on this photo:

    Dammit son, next time Camilla wants the dp, oil up that wanker.

  26. Antonio Banderas Sylvester Stallone Kelsey Grammer The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Grammar is happy they are throwing out the mexicans that are trying to take his job. Not sure why the young kid is so stoked, I bet he’s a Ron Paul supporter.

  27. Lea Seydoux Cleavage Bitchface Saint Laurent Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    I have absolutely no idea who this is, but hot damn if Google Images ain’t getting a work out for the next 6 minutes (Thas right, I’m fappin’ twice!)

  28. Lena Dunham Striped Green Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    This is why Louie CK doesnt bang fat chicks.

  29. Tori Spelling Chest Hole Of Death Son Liam
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    I only have two questions:

    1. Why does she ever wear anything other than a turtleneck?

    2. Why did she give her son the same haircut Jennifer Anniston had in 1994?

    Oh, and when did she turn into a chimpanzee in a white wig? So , three questions. I guess I have three questions, really.

    • Trek Girl

      You can’t blame the boys haircut on Tori, actually.

      His dad is responsible for that, and from what I can remember, she wasn’t too happy about it. Well, the situation resulting in the haircut, not the style itself, if I’m remembering correctly.

      It is a feminine haircut. I don’t understand why the stylist didn’t do the right haircut for his face… They should know better.

  30. Prince Harry Greeting Group Of Children MAXXI Rome Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait, wait, wait… is this another pic of that hot red head chick from Cannes that I’ve never heard about? Because if it is, my boner is VERY confused right now!

  31. Pamela Anderson Nipple Slip Cleavage Drunk High Tired
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the first documented sighting of a hooker paying for a “Corey Feldman”

  32. Arnold Schwarzenegger Shirtless Filming With Ipad On Balcony Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that guy on the right not the biggest looking pussy?

  33. Kaley Cuoco Butt Riding Pants Horeseback Equestrian Tournament
    Commented on this photo:

    I never thought I would envy her husband, until now…but just until I’m done fapping.

  34. Sam Neill Moustache TV BAFTA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “Damn, it! I forgot to take the mustache off from last night’s hipster gala, didn’t I?”

  35. Dita Von Teese Cleavage Lingerie Launch Bloomingdales
    Commented on this photo:

    This woman is hot from any angle. ANY ANGLE!!

    Sorry, I have no idea why I went all, “Alec Baldwin” there. My apologies.

  36. Mel Gibson Bring Back Our Girls Sign Kellan Lutz Antonio Banderas The Expendables 3 Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha! I almost missed it! Still laughing!

  37. Tori Spelling Chest Hole Of Death Son Liam
    Commented on this photo:

    Why’s her husband getting all the grief?

    I wouldnt want to bang the Crypt Keeper, either

  38. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Coco is not fat. Voluptuous, yes. But it’s clear she works out and is just generously proportioned.

  39. Sam Neill Moustache TV BAFTA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    No dead calm happening here, no sir.

  40. Mischa Barton Huge Butt
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    2 sets of spanks, a body condom, and a sausage casing, and she still has an ass 3 times the size of Coco’s.

  41. Gerard Depardieu Yelling From Backseat Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy always looks like he just shit himself or he’s going to shit himself at any time.

    And that’s not just because all people over 300lbs are in constant danger of a shit emergency.

  42. Samuel L. Jackson
    CrashHell
    Commented on this photo:

    “WAIT MEESTER! ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME IN THE STAR WARS! I CARRY YOU BAG!”

  43. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    Just don’t ask him about his vacation in Montana. Trigger word.

  44. Antonio Banderas Sylvester Stallone Kelsey Grammer The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    When I think action movies, I think Kelsey Grammer.

  45. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    cricket
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like a potato balanced on a tooth pick.

  46. Lena Dunham Striped Green Pants
    Hopalong
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it me or is she the George Costanza of HBO.

  47. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Dat ass keeps getting better.

  48. Sofia Vergara Butt Bandage Dress Brad Pitt Annual Make It Right Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Thought balloon for the woman on the right: “Dear Diary: Today, it happened. I stood within groping distance of Sofia Vergara’s ass.”

  49. Gerard Depardieu Yelling From Backseat Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    “Thees ees not ze McDonald’s drive-thru weendow! I have been DUPED!”

  50. Busta Rhymes Fat Belly High As Shit Bodyguard
    Commented on this photo:

    The debate on whether or not smoking weed stimulates your appetite appears to be over.

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