The Crap We Missed – Monday 5.19.14

May 19th, 2014 // 498 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, a super-sized selection of what happened to be a weekend of a zillion events, even though I definitely focused way too hard on The Expendables 3 premiere at Cannes. But there’s also stuff from The BAFTA Awards where Helena Bonham Carter somehow managed to look not homeless as well as Jason Statham discovering MDMA and I’m talking the good shit that can only delivered to you vaginally from Lindsay Lohan, not whatever bullshit Banderas slipped everybody at lunch.

And duh, butts. There will always be butts,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a lot of douche water.

  2. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Desperate to stave off yet another devastating tsunami, the Thai people have turned alternate forms of deterrents.

  3. Mel Gibson Bring Back Our Girls Sign Kellan Lutz Antonio Banderas The Expendables 3 Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    . . . but not the Jewish ones. And make sure they don’t look like a Vegas whore.

  4. Arnold Schwarzenegger Shirtless Filming With Ipad On Balcony Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Just a couple of straight guys hanging out.

  5. Rosario Dawson Swimsuit Cannes
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    What the heck is Octomom up to now?

  6. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    And then there’s Snipes in the background. Wondering exactly how it happened that two of the whitest guys in Hollywood showed up dressed like black guys.

  7. Mel Gibson Bring Back Our Girls Sign Kellan Lutz Antonio Banderas The Expendables 3 Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice touch, Photo boy.

  8. Prince Harry Greeting Group Of Children MAXXI Rome Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok then how old is this one?

  9. Gerard Depardieu Yelling From Backseat Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Welcome back to France, Monsieur. Here is your tax bill.

  10. Arnold Schwarzenegger Shirtless Filming With Ipad On Balcony Cannes
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “Lohan has got to be kidding posting this Cannes price list! ‘Dress up like a homely Latina housemaid’ is $1,000! I’ll be back – when she’s running a discount!”

  11. Antonio Banderas Sylvester Stallone Kelsey Grammer The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    “My friends, let me tell you about the first time I saw Melanie nude and literally froze in fear…”

  12. Trey Songz Holding Mic To Crotch
    Commented on this photo:

    It makes sounds. No seriously check this out…

  13. Busta Rhymes Fat Belly High As Shit Bodyguard
    Commented on this photo:

    More like Busta Scales, amirite?

  14. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Baldwin Daughter Carmen Hamptons
    Dildo Baggins
    Commented on this photo:

    Its gotta suck hanging around a bunch of old men all the times

  15. Tori Spelling Chest Hole Of Death Son Liam
    Commented on this photo:

    Are we sure she doesn’t have the power to create a singularity between her breasts?

  16. Samuel L. Jackson
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Morpheus didn’t swallow the fashion pill.

  17. Prince Harry Greeting Group Of Children MAXXI Rome Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s at a place called Maxxi, and a girl is handing him a pad.

  18. Pamela Anderson Nipple Slip Cleavage Drunk High Tired
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    Speaking of cans…

  19. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Even the seagulls won’t touch that clam.

  20. Tori Spelling Chest Hole Of Death Son Liam
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    How cute, he’s looking for a way out – just like his dad.

  21. Jay Leno Pulling Up Pant Leg Che Tempo Che Fa
    Commented on this photo:

    Invisible Rumer Willis?

  22. Kaley Cuoco Butt Riding Pants Horeseback Equestrian Tournament
    Kris Jenner
    Commented on this photo:

    I see Kaley Cuoco is trying to be the next superman

  23. Viggo Mortensen Jauja Photo Call 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Tell me your secrets to immortality Viggo! TELL ME!!!

  24. Mel Gibson Bring Back Our Girls Sign Kellan Lutz Antonio Banderas The Expendables 3 Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s see how long it takes for this to wind up on ‘proper’ news pages as a purportedly legitimate photo.

  25. Prince Charles Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall Exiting Plane
    Commented on this photo:

    “Did you just make a horse noise, sergeant?”

  26. Sofia Vergara Butt Bandage Dress Brad Pitt Annual Make It Right Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    They certainly made that right.

  27. Lena Dunham Striped Green Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Sometimes, even vertical stripes are not enough.

  28. Adriana Lima Cleavage Legs Slit Dress The Homesman Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    The paps can fly now?

  29. Pamela Anderson Nipple Slip Cleavage Drunk High Tired
    Commented on this photo:

    Despite the fuckuppery going on in her top, she’s looking a lot better lately. Cutting the hair and toning down the whore makeup seems to be a good move.

  30. Tori Spelling Chest Hole Of Death Son Liam
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m fairly certain the short one is a girl and the tall one isn’t.

  31. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    I feel as though any negative comment I make about his outfit will be somehow racist, so imma just keep my symbolic mouth shut.

    • fred

      Exactly. I mean, all we need now is for some asshole to say something stupid like “black guys really shouldn’t wear clothes that make them look like a walking watermelon.” The world really sucks sometimes.

  32. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. It’s perfect.

  33. Chris Christie 2nd Annual Champions Of Jewish Values Gala
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “When they said this was about Jewish values, I thought that meant I’d be getting Big & Tall suits at retail! Hahaha . . ha . . ahem.”

  34. Viggo Mortensen Jauja Photo Call 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks kind of like Jon Lajoie here, and that makes me happy.

  35. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Such veritable Hollywood roles like Indiana Jones, Frasier Crane, Rocky Balboa… and Nino Brown.

  36. Micaela Schaefer Nipples See Through Lingerie 'Lieber Nackt Als Gar Keine Masche Book Promotion
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    How about that, Micaela and Photo Boy get paid for doing the same thing(s).

  37. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    It does not surprise me that Coco’s pussy farts can rival Superman’s breathing out to hold back an oncoming wave.

  38. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    I smile with my eyebrows now.

  39. Jay Leno Pulling Up Pant Leg Che Tempo Che Fa
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’ve been holding on to a secret for over 20 years now, Doc. I’m the father of all of Demi Moore’s children.”

    “We know, Jay.”

    “How could you tell?

    “How could we not?”

  40. Prince Charles Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall Exiting Plane
    Commented on this photo:

    Imagine that Camilla Death Stare looking back at you from the mirror in the morning.

  41. Harrison Ford Kelsey Grammer Sylvester Stallone The Expendables 3 Photo Call Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    if someone pricks Sly’s cheek with a pin, the blood’s gonna shoot like 100ft.

  42. Lea Seydoux Cleavage Bitchface Saint Laurent Premiere Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a lovely photo of someone I’ve never heard of.

    • JC

      Look up “Blue is the Warmest Color” on any of the more reputable porn hosting sites, and enjoy her work.

      • The ‘porn’ in that sentence leads me to believe it’s not something that will be up my alley.

      • It definitely will be. She’s so fucking sexy.

      • I’m a (very) straight female. I’ll leave the lesbian porn scene Internet delving to you folks.

      • I did not know that. That makes 3 known women on this site now.

      • Why the fuck did someone downvote that? As far as I know, it’s true.

      • mimi

        oh I’m straight female too. I still would be curious to see this movie with the indeed very pretty Léa Seydoux (in French, “Léa Seydoux” sounds something like “Lea It’s sweet”). There are hot scenes but I don’t think it’s porn. (They don’t insult each other). And it’s part of a longer movie anyway. I agree, Lea was a class act at Canne in her Prada emerald green dress, Chopard cut diamond earrings, and her new hair color. (oh shut up, I know I’m on the Superficial, but you talk about clothes too (well, or lack thereof)).

      • anthony

        Hell I think she shows tits in all her roles.

  43. Melanie Griffith Bra Cleavage See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Have you seen my Antonio? We came to the airport together and in his dreamy Spanish accent I thought he he said he had to go to the can….with Sly…but I don’t know what that means. Anyway, I’ve been waiting here by the rest room for over an hour and he seems to have left without me seeing him. Have you seen my Antonio?”

  44. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry Coco, but that’s not why people can hear the ocean when their ears are near your vadge.

  45. Lena Dunham Striped Green Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like just anyone at the new Walmart in Rockland, Maine.

  46. Jay Leno Pulling Up Pant Leg Che Tempo Che Fa
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    “I couldn’t decide if I wanted to strangle Conan, or just knee him in the balls. In the end, I decided to just stab him in the back.”

  47. Coco Butt Side Boob String Bikini Leg Stretch Instagram
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Most beached whales just lay there and give up and die. Coco on the other hand has to make a spectacle of it.

    • Imagine being proud of a “ass” that’s mostly implants. Imagine. Then imagine going on Wendy Wiliams to “prove” your ass is real when there’s closeup pix of the incision scars on the internet. Imagine the IQ involved.

  48. Busta Rhymes Fat Belly High As Shit Bodyguard
    Commented on this photo:

    Busta Belt Buckle

  49. Rosario Dawson Swimsuit Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Love her.

  50. Jay Leno Pulling Up Pant Leg Che Tempo Che Fa
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder what would strike first, the heel or the chin?

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