Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is bursting at the seams from a weekend full of hidden paparazzi gems. Gems like Goldie Hawn‘s timeless beauty, which applies to Brooke Shields as well. Big black microphones start to look small in Serena Williams‘ hands, Ryan Phillipe‘s dick becomes a divining rod, Simon Cowell gives side boob a shot, and Jeremy Renner hits up the Lakers game with Travolta‘s masseuse.
Remember when James Franco played James Dean? Because James Franco really wants you to remember when he played James Dean,
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There is something different about Marcia Cross.
Why is Rumor Willis dressed as the Church Lady and groping random breasts?
“Oh yeah, Hasslehoff? Check THESE out, bitch.”
Oh, it’s like a pictogram. R-douche-B-E-L.
as he thinks “I don’t know, I just don’t see what Kim keeps raving about…”
Good charlotte that’s embarrassing.
Totally thought this was Joel Madden at first glance…
Bras are SO 1972.
She puts the “tit” in “titian haired cutie.” yum yum.
Even her son is staring at her ass.
Will Ferrell as Harry Carey without his glasses.
Oldie Hawn
A ginger with alabaster skin and a great rack. What more could I ask for?
Looks like he auditioned for a spelling bee.
What a smug prick. How about we get him and “the Hoff” to do a gladiator fight to the death on Pay-per-View…and then shoot the one who wins!
Kelly Bundy?
Thinking: “I still can’t believe I let that bitch talk me into a baby.”
It’s amazing what passes for talent these days.
I think something just came in between her and her Calvins.
You see kids, if you let one go just right, you get liftoff.
“Mommy, why are those guys staring at your boobies?”
Looking at the hot guy dancing above.
Must be a leftie. That would explain the carpal tunnel bandage from all the dildo work.
Either that or she’s been really rehearsing for her current role.
“Miss, I’m afraid if you’re going to be wearing that ass in public, you’re going to need a permit…”
All I remember are two movies. “There’s a Girl in My Soup”, and “Butterflies are Free”.
“Thank you ladies and gentlemen for the warm welcome. Here to give my announcement, because he knows nobody can do it better than he can, give it up for Kanye West…”
Really need to lay off the roids.
Later that day: “A bandage dress worn by Deena Cortese snapped and killed 12 innocent bystanders.”
On her way to Maury Povich.
She looks pretty good (except face). Probably trying to get back in the business. Maybe her mind cought up with her horse’s ass of a mouth and realized ditching a top TV series wasn’t such a good idea.
“Why yes, Will and I do swing, but your not our type.”
SHOW US YOUR TITS, SIMON. COME ON, we’ve all seen your manboobs… c’mon
I’ll bet I’m not the only person disappointed in Rita Ora’s crotch tonight.
My God, it’s Courtney Stodden’s mentor!
Must have got it while she was heels over head.
Dat no ass.
“Team leader to Raven…as soon as he gets the kid into the car, open fire!”
That bikini would look hot on a hot girl.
“Hey, Lady, jump up and down a few times. I think I see my car keys.”
Imaginably banging imaginary sheep.
Something tells me this chick would take it in the ass for a bottle of Grey Goose with a sparkler on it.
How fun it must have been getting her pregnant!
“OK, Pauly, now put the mic in your mouth, take off your shoes, and step into the puddle on the concrete floor…”
I would be willing to rub out the dings in her legs.
No fucking wonder — he’s in fucking Carson in So. California. All 142 people who showed up are potential homies.
And cousins…
I believe there are several sodomy and obscenity laws and ordinances that I would really enjoy violating with this woman.
Unfortunately some of Val’s fleas jumped onto that shapely woman’s legs and bit her shins all to hell.
could he be any uglier?
I just love that little space on her inner left thigh between her shorts and her skin…that’s where I’d like to sneak in a few fingers and a tongue. No, not all at the same time…sheesh!
I couldnt focus on anything else but THAT little space!!! hah! OMG! I am a closet lesbian!
Then I guess I must be, too. Hey wait…can guys be lesbians?
“As a special surprise for Brooke we have flown in, at great expense, her old pal TOM CRUISE…c’mon out, Tom!”
Hey, Kate, when you get home you and I are going to fill up your belly button with the precious bodily fluid of your choice.