The Crap We Missed – Monday 3.19.12

March 19th, 2012 // 392 Comments

Welcome to the first The Crap We Missed post in over a week, in which it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t disclose upfront that you almost got Rita Rusic for your Final Five, but then I came across these. Glad I’m back? Anyway, despite some debugging delays as a result of our shiny new customer service center – Seriously, complain all you want, nobody’s listening. – I’m happy to still bring your speed round of shame including two of my Crap favorites, here and here, as well as Alessandra Ambrosio absolutely pwning Jessica Simpson‘s pregnancy.

Anybody else lie awake all last week wondering if there was frozen-faced sideboob not getting posted to the internet?

Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Miranda Kerr Legs Denim Miniskirt
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    So she just got word someone porked Snooki.

  2. Dakota Fanning
    Commented on this photo:

    Must’ve just flown back from Ireland.

  3. Sinead O'Connor Jesus Sweatshirt Writing On Feet
    Xxoo
    Commented on this photo:

    I went to the doctor, and guess what he told me, guess what he told me?

    He said “girl, you gotta have difficult brown no matter what you do,” but he’s a fool..

    Coz nothing prepares.. nothing prepares.. for poo…

  4. Russell Brand Cape Leg Warmers
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Fly, Fatass, fly!

  5. Rachel Zoe Tight Pants Butt Son Skyler Playground
    Commented on this photo:

    Great, now I’ve gotta find a picture of a stripper in tennis shoes.

  6. Rachel Zoe Tight Pants Butt Son Skyler Playground
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She wears stilettos on the treadmill, I’m sure of it.

  7. Kate Middleton Shovel Dirt Pile
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Must be time to feed the Kardashians again.

  8. Kate Middleton Shovel Dirt Pile
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus christ- the handle of the shovel is thicker than her arms.

  9. Russell Brand Cape Leg Warmers
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    These are stunts designed to capture media attention, as he has detached himself from moneymaker KP. Don’t play into this douchebag’s ploy; don’t post his pranks.

    • spartacus

      WRONG! He dressed like this and acted like this years before knobbing that plastic Christian girl. he’s a great talented stand up comic and I smell jealousy.

  10. Duane Dog The Bounty Hunter Chapman Fat Gut Beth Chapman Bikini Cleavage
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    hard to believe, but her tits used to be way bigger. She kinda reminds me of britney spears…white trash. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  11. Jeff Goldblum Fur Collar Jacket Knit Hat
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t believe you let Ralphie’s mother dress you.”

  12. Holly Madison Butt Sports Bra Yoga Pants Stretching
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Good idea: Stretching before a run.
    Bad idea: Running in a jacket that says “Wedgie” on the back.

  13. Tara Reid
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    “This nipple tells me I should go east. That nipple tells me I should go west. I’m so confused!”

  14. Shaquille O'Neal Crossed Eyes
    Commented on this photo:

    Fixed,
    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/19/shaqueal o what-340_453.jpg[/img]

  15. Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant Belly No Bra Yoga Pants
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey LeAnn! Can I have the leftovers you barfed up?”

  16. Jeff Goldblum Fur Collar Jacket Knit Hat
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Was it that cold up there this weekend? They look ready for the tundra.

  17. Alessandra Ambrosio Cleavage Pregnant Belly
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m worried how her kid got so many beads at Mardi Gras.

  18. Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant Belly No Bra Yoga Pants
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s no excuse for this. Tights are NOT pants.

  19. Georgia Salpa Bikini Twitter
    InsertNameHere
    Commented on this photo:

    who?

  20. Chelsea Handler Dress Oversized Boots
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Ghandi: Fuck. What the hell was I thinking?

  21. Imogen Thomas Bikini
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, don’t look so confused, Imogen. We don’t know who is in that hammock either.

  22. Georgia Salpa Bikini Twitter
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno who this is.

  23. Carmen Electra Cleavage Butt Spandex Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Bring back BattleBots…it was Carmen’s greatest gig.

  24. Crystal Harris Cleavage Tight Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t this the bimbo that dumped Hefner?

  25. Carmen Electra Cleavage Butt Spandex Dress
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why did they name a nightclub after something you shat on?”

  26. Miss Bahamas Anastagia Pierre Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Bring in the Photoshoppers, there’s some work to be done here.

  27. Duane Dog The Bounty Hunter Chapman Fat Gut Beth Chapman Bikini Cleavage
    NOI
    Commented on this photo:

    Big boobs on a slim body- awesomeeeee
    Big boobs on a chubby the hell body- grossssss

  28. David Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess he doesn’t play the entire match with his hands in his shorts. Who knew?

  29. Coco Cleavage Ice-T Drunk
    NOI
    Commented on this photo:

    Dang gurl, she looking green

  30. Coco Cleavage Ice-T Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    ………………….finished! Next pic

  31. Shaquille O'Neal Crossed Eyes
    Commented on this photo:

    Man, I hope I’m as happy as he is when I turn 40!

  32. Russell Brand Cape Leg Warmers
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Black Marvel! No … wait … a bulbous head covered by a knit cap … one bony hand concealed under a cape … Ack! It’s Dr. Sivana in disguise!

  33. David Hasselhoff Hayley Roberts Laker Game
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s nice. The team gave her a jersey with her age printed on it.

  34. Russell Brand Cape Leg Warmers
    Commented on this photo:

    Hard to say… is he trying really hard, or is he such a giant douchenozzle that he’s not trying at all?

  35. Kate Middleton Shovel Dirt Pile
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, but when she was visiting Canada, did she offer to help me with my patio? What a royal bitch.

  36. Sinead O'Connor Jesus Sweatshirt Writing On Feet
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, Fish.
    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/19/Russell Connor-340_453.jpg[/img]

  37. Jeff Goldblum Fur Collar Jacket Knit Hat
    hhh
    Commented on this photo:

    These dog outfits are getting ridiculous.

  38. Michael Bolton
    Commented on this photo:

    Bolton, Michael Bolton…
    Seriously, you don’t who I am?
    “When a man loves a woman?”
    I used to bang Nicolette Sheridan?
    Awwhhh fuck it…

  39. Holly Madison Butt Sports Bra Yoga Pants Stretching
    hhh
    Commented on this photo:

    Normally when I quit a job I take off the uniform.

  40. Maria Menounos Butt Yoga Pants DWTS
    thx1138
    Commented on this photo:

    Now thats how u rock a plump ass. Take note on how its done Kim.

  41. Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant Belly No Bra Yoga Pants
    hhh
    Commented on this photo:

    Nomi Malone: I got my period.
    James Smith: Yeah right.
    Nomi Malone: Check.

    [James puts his hand down Nomi's pants]

  42. Michael Bolton
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here doning a Gere hairpiece in a vain attempt to stop people berating him for the Transformers franchise.

  43. David Beckham
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    AHH!!! I guess her foot really can go up there. Too bad she didn’t take her shoe back with her.

  44. Rachel Zoe Tight Pants Butt Son Skyler Playground
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait a minute…how can I be licking the chocolate off his hands if he never had chocolate to begin with?

  45. Rose McGowan Side Boob
    A Heterosexual Male
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘and if you follow my chin…’

  46. Duane Dog The Bounty Hunter Chapman Fat Gut Beth Chapman Bikini Cleavage
    G Spot Finder
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody call for the lifeguard for flotation devices?

  47. David Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    Finally moving beyond the Perma-Crotchgrab phase, Beckham hires a Personal Buttfondler.

  48. Holly Madison Butt Sports Bra Yoga Pants Stretching
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    She just feels so strange having clothes on in that position.

  49. Tara Reid
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    At least I’m STILL not Lindsay Lohan.

  50. Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant Belly No Bra Yoga Pants
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    With the choices I had at the bar last weekend, I’ll take her in a heartbeat.

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