The Crap We Missed – Monday 3.28.11

March 28th, 2011 // 357 Comments

Toldcha Bieber Smurfed that.

Welcome to another exciting edition of The Crap We Missed. Thrill at the sight of Christina Aguilera being seconds away from telling Matthew Rutler to “mole her!” Marvel at Samantha Ronson’s new girlfriend who may or may not be Rashida Jones! And be astounded by the other-worldly crime-fighting skills of the Los Angeles Police Department!

All this.. and Paris Hilton contemplating eating food. GASP!

- The Superficial

Click Here to Start the Gallery

Photos: Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Taylor Momsen
    MondayNightSteve
    Commented on this photo:

    Too early for flapjacks?

  2. Milo

    I doubt Rashida Jones went lesbian on us considering she used to bang Sam’s brother Mark….that would also be really awkward

  3. Samantha Ronson
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    Personally, I think it is Ali Lohan dressed to look like Rashida….Sam can’t let Lindsay know she is actually sleeping with her younger sister, now that Linds is headed for jail! Hey, at least she is keeping it in the family!

  4. Kendra Wilkinson
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this side make me look like a fame whore?”

    • The Critical Crassness

      “If I stand just so, does it hide how much like Kim Kardashian’s, my ass really looks?”

  5. Christina Aguilera Matthew Rutler
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    The guy kissing Christina is playing Russian roulette because a woman who spends as much time completely shitfaced as she does could puke at any second.

  6. Keira Knightley
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a clear betrayal of the unspoken “masturbater/masturbatee” contract we had, Ms. Knightly.

  7. Paris Hilton
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    She isn’t eating it….the missing bite was taken by her “food tester” to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. She can’t even pose pretending to eat something, if it has been poisoned!

  8. Chris Jericho
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now, I know my profession consists entirely of me grabbing other men, and now I’m on a dancing show, and, yes, I’m going to Perez Hilton’s birthday party in this cute shiny vest that totally matches my shirt’s cuffs, but I’m here with a hot woman. Totally straight.”

    • reformed_druid

      Hot woman???? Zero tits, none, nada, zip, zilcho, not a single sign of where they should be. She’s kinda cute in the face.

  9. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    why is she so sad, it should be the guy who should be.

  10. Fergie
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s one of the best tuck jobs I’ve ever seen.

  11. Lindsay Lohan
    Senor Trout
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, Big Daddy Kane hasn’t aged a bit.

  12. Christina Aguilera Matthew Rutler
    Daemon8666
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re not kissing, she drank the last beer in the mini-fridge and he’s trying to get it back.

  13. Paris Hilton
    92gsr
    Commented on this photo:

    “I was eating it, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that it was made by a black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand sandwiches made by black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?”

  14. Taylor Momsen
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    She has to wear the label so everyone will believe she is trash, not just a trash wannabe!

  15. Keira Knightley
    Daemon8666
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she slumping so her hair looks longer?

  16. Taylor Momsen
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, look, the whores come with little heart labels now. Like beanie babies.

  17. Jude Law
    Commented on this photo:

    “And you can take that to the bank”

  18. Chris Jericho
    Commented on this photo:

    He keeps trying to give blood, but all they can draw is vinegar and water.

  19. Michelle Hunziker
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    Sarah Connor?

  20. Samantha Ronson
    Daemon8666
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s a car seat in the back for LiLo. Who needs kids when you have trainwreck next-door exes?

  21. Keira Knightley
    Senor Trout
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey look, its Julia Stiles’ frumpy twin sister Leotta.

  22. Paris Hilton
    Daemon8666
    Commented on this photo:

    You could make the caption “Paris Hilton eating meat” only no one would bother looking.

  23. Taylor Momsen
    Commented on this photo:

    Your roots are showing. So is your bra strap. Oh, also your deep seated resentment for your father.

  24. Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she prematurely blue herself.

  25. Taylor Momsen
    Senor Trout
    Commented on this photo:

    Says a lot about the lass that the first thing I thought was ‘no shit stain on the skirt. Good for her!’

  26. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad she’s not running while she’s eating it.

  27. Josh Duhamel
    Commented on this photo:

    What, Josh Duhamel has tiger blood now too?

  28. Taylor Momsen
    Commented on this photo:

    If you have to advertise what a bitch/slut/whore you are, you may be suffering from Avril Lavigne Syndrome. Check with your doctor.

    • noooooooo

      Pretty much, there’s owning a persona and just being a moron about it. “so trash” she might as well throw her blocks in a fit.

  29. Olivia Munn Comedy Awards
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    How can somebody so hot can be so boring?

  30. Charlie Sheen
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    McLovin !

  31. Keira Knightley
    Do_FreeBird
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like shit, and she is yesterdays news.

  32. Keira Knightley
    Commented on this photo:

    Keira,you should clean yourself up next time after you flap off.

  33. Samantha Ronson
    Commented on this photo:

    Daria has finally came out of the closet.

  34. Samantha Ronson
    suzi
    Commented on this photo:

    Rashida has been friends with the whole Ronson family for years and years and she was engaged to Mark. She is so not Samantha’s girlfriend!

    talk about jumping to conclusions. two women are riding in the same car so now they are dating? so stupid

  35. Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    This costume seems out of place until you consider that Perez went as Ruby Rhod and Justin Bieber as Leeloo.

  36. Lindsay Lohan
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    Pippi Longstocking: The Prostitute Years

  37. Keira Knightley
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Glad start making sequined trash bags?

  38. Josh Duhamel
    Commented on this photo:

    Those legs are smoother than Irina Shayk’s.

  39. Taylor Momsen
    KJ
    Commented on this photo:

    I haven’t seen such a profound lack of ass since that one round of Kesha pictures. I’m misquoting someone here, but it looks like some stood a frog up on its hind legs.

  40. Jude Law
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    “See that bird over there? Shagged her. And that one there? Shagged her. And that one? Didn’t shag her yet. But that one over there? Totally shagged her.”

  41. Keira Knightley
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s McNulty?

  42. Kendra Wilkinson
    Commented on this photo:

    Even the sunglasses look like they have a third chromosome.

  43. Samantha Ronson
    The Pope of Cleveland
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s like the Marcie to Ronson’s Peppermint Patty.

  44. Samantha Ronson
    Gerald Tarrant
    Commented on this photo:

    I would give Rashida Jones a cat bath.

  45. Selena Gomez
    diceman cumeth
    Commented on this photo:

    little girl blue. she needed the money–OH!!

    • The Critical Crassness

      I doubt Perez has anywhere near as much a Selena does money wise, I think she was there on behalf of her boyfriend who is in Europe and couldn’t attend… and she is wearing his costume !

  46. Josh Duhamel
    nikkol
    Commented on this photo:

    It seems like he’s using the Red Power Ranger as a living mirror…

  47. Christina Aguilera Matthew Rutler
    Agwings
    Commented on this photo:

    Obviously staged for the camera. Why else would be covering her extra chins?

  48. Olivia Munn Comedy Awards
    Daemon8666
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the smile of someone thinking, “Come on and snap it already, I gotta take a dump!”

  49. Charlie Sheen
    nikkol
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it snowing? Oh, that must be cocaine on the lens.

  50. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries
    DGS
    Commented on this photo:

    He should punt.

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