The Crap We Missed – Monday 12.9.13

December 9th, 2013 // 408 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is set predominantly in Miami, because cold weather is for poor people. So while everyone from Texas to Pennsylvania got shellacked in the dick with ice this weekend, famous celebrities went to the beach for their bizarre mating rituals and to light money on fire. Please join me in slamming on them via our real mom, the Internet, for she never makes us feel guilty about how much more time we may or may not be spending at the in-laws this Christmas even though nobody set a time yet and probably won’t until the day before. Family holiday time, yay!! Anyway, here’s Patrick Dempsey making Chris Martin look like a Hell’s Angel, Hoda Kotb in a bikini because I’ve been dead inside for a long, long time, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers at Lady Gaga‘s secret show, so at least we all know who donated the cocaine sculptures.

Ok guys, no “low-hanging fruit” Farrah Abraham sex tape jokes on this one. You can do better than that,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    I think they’re a cute couple, they have a lot in common. Like bra size.

  2. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    Fucking shirts…how do they work?

  3. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hayden! Wladimir! Show us how big your anus is now”

  4. Kelly Bensimon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Shawn White finally got tired of living a lie?

  5. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s only a tiny strip of scar tissue away from having one huge, magnificent boob.

  6. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans Buying Carrots Whole Foods Son Luca
    Commented on this photo:

    5 bottles of wine, and a bunch of carrots. Why is shopping so complicated!

  7. Paparazzo Logan Fazio Butt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    HAH paparazzi! How do YOU like it when someone takes a picture of YOUR ass when you’re not expecting it and looks all flabby and gross and ….oh, hello.

  8. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    “I love working with Robin Williams, his constant ad-libbing doesn’t drive me at all nuts.”

  9. Adam Lambert Kathy Griffin TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Deina
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, is that mousse on your ear?…

  10. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Weeblo
    Commented on this photo:

    Discount hooker night at the Bellagio?

  11. Lady Gaga Bra Panties Jean Jacket
    Commented on this photo:

    She has some really ugly tits.

  12. Bret Michaels Jumping Split Bret Michaels Band 26th Annual Toys In The Sun Run
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t need nuthin…but a good rug.”

  13. Paparazzo Logan Fazio Butt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The face. Turn it back away.

  14. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    She plays Robin Williams mother right?

  15. Bret Michaels Jumping Split Bret Michaels Band 26th Annual Toys In The Sun Run
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish his brain hemorrhage would do an encore.

  16. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Commented on this photo:

    that discount boob job just makes her look like She-Hulk.

  17. Shakira Bra Cleavage See Through Shirt LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    what the hell happened to her?

  18. Paparazzo Logan Fazio Butt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear Logan,
    please stop turning around to show us your face.
    love,
    Men

  19. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    River Felix
    Commented on this photo:

    Neon Hitch? More like Neon Glitch.

  20. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    Odbarc
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why is there piss all over my leg?”
    Lady Gaga: “It’s art.”

  21. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Odbarc
    Commented on this photo:

    Ceasar Milan chops Steven in the neck says “Ttst, shut your mouth.”

  22. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like R Kelly is finally getting fed up with smart ass remarks regarding the cancerous growth on his dick.

  23. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Commented on this photo:

    When Micro Machines invented the scooter toy, they never could have foreseen the downfall of a hipster douche that would fit into the seat.

  24. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    Caught trying to find out whose breasts are expanding the most from the pregnancy. Hint; She lost.

  25. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    This photo is the ying to Billy Ray and his douchemobile’s yang.

  26. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    As a reward for learning the concept of ‘heel’, Britney’s leash and choke collar were removed. Something about those crazy eyes however makes me think they made a mistake.

  27. Bret Michaels Jumping Split Bret Michaels Band 26th Annual Toys In The Sun Run
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, as long as he is not trying to jump from one stage to another with spectators in between…

  28. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Hoda, the nanny called…they need the diaper back.

  29. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the heck is th…hey! Nipple!

  30. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    He needs to button up and she probably needs to gargle

  31. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    Still hot. Would do.

  32. Jonathan Rhys Meyers Crazy Coke Eyes Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus! I’m getting the shivers and the sweats from that look.

  33. Sting Yellow Teeth Pants Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    KHANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! Fuck off Sting…I’m a john at these secret gigs.

  34. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m liking Victoria Jackson with the straight hair.

  35. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere there is a catfish feeling offended.

  36. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    For a normal person…quite nice. For a celebrity…I can see why she always wears shades.

  37. Lady Gaga Bra Panties Jean Jacket
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Gaga has to pay more attention, the sequel she overheard being talked about was for trainspotting, not trannyspotting.

  38. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans Buying Carrots Whole Foods Son Luca
    Groaner
    Commented on this photo:

    This reminds me of a joke about two women working in a garden. When the first woman pulls a huge carrot from the ground, the other goes…hey, that reminds me of my husband Johnny. The first women says, really, that big? And the second woman says, no, that dirty.

  39. Bret Michaels Jumping Split Bret Michaels Band 26th Annual Toys In The Sun Run
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if he sang “every rose has it’s thorn”? I really like that one.

  40. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Could you please pass ahead? I don’t feel safe with you walking behind me.”

  41. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Vlad
    Commented on this photo:

    Attempted the Depp look, ended up with the Kraken.

  42. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Good girl! Leeeeft…….”

  43. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Photo Boy, you are a sick, heartless bastard.

  44. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Lokigwar
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice Teitz.

  45. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    I would go fucking bonkers having to listen to the ceaseless nattering of a “girlfriend” twenty years my junior.

  46. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s sober. She doesn’t like being sober.

  47. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit, that’s her real name…

  48. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t you think it’s a bit nippy in here?”
    “Yes. That’s why I’m walking behind you.”

  49. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s nice… they’ve got a heart on for kids. Wait…

  50. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    icu
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay wait! You’re going to fast. After my left foot touches the ground all the way, I lift up my right foot and put THAT ONE in front?”
    “Yes Bertney…..yes.”

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