The Crap We Missed – Monday 12.9.13

December 9th, 2013 // 408 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is set predominantly in Miami, because cold weather is for poor people. So while everyone from Texas to Pennsylvania got shellacked in the dick with ice this weekend, famous celebrities went to the beach for their bizarre mating rituals and to light money on fire. Please join me in slamming on them via our real mom, the Internet, for she never makes us feel guilty about how much more time we may or may not be spending at the in-laws this Christmas even though nobody set a time yet and probably won’t until the day before. Family holiday time, yay!! Anyway, here’s Patrick Dempsey making Chris Martin look like a Hell’s Angel, Hoda Kotb in a bikini because I’ve been dead inside for a long, long time, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers at Lady Gaga‘s secret show, so at least we all know who donated the cocaine sculptures.

Ok guys, no “low-hanging fruit” Farrah Abraham sex tape jokes on this one. You can do better than that,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    katey
    Commented on this photo:

    ketchup and mustard — now with nipples!

  2. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    That baby’s gonna be confused as to which breasts to suck on.

  3. Jonathan Rhys Meyers Crazy Coke Eyes Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Commented on this photo:

    Did you say cocaine?

  4. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    So named for the multicolored spooge left on her bumper.

  5. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    I can see where she got her name. She certainly does look like she fell off the back of a pickup truck.

  6. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    19 year old rebellious teenager and the 39 year old guy.

  7. Mischa Barton Butt Tight Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    Boots inspired by Naruto.

  8. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    As rich as he is, he just can’t seem to find a shirt that works.

  9. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    The white Kanye and Kim.

  10. Jonathan Rhys Meyers Crazy Coke Eyes Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he just found out her secret.

  11. Jeremy Renner American Hustle Premiere New York
    Commented on this photo:

    “Just because I cupped Xenu’s princesses tiny balls in my hand like so, DOES NOT MAKE ME GAY!
    I blew him and that maybe made me gay”

  12. Sting Yellow Teeth Pants Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Commented on this photo:

    Another satisfied customer that will be having nightmares tonight.

  13. Amy Adams See Through Blouse American Hustle Premiere New York
    Commented on this photo:

    Just a beautiful woman. Plain and simple.

  14. Mischa Barton Butt Tight Jeans
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeans inspired by mom.

  15. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Polkadot Sundress Selfie Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Bicep bruises are in this season.

  16. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Yet another tragedy falling on December 8.

  17. Carla Gugino Cleavage American Hustle Premiere New York
    Commented on this photo:

    She has been absent from the site for FAR TOO LONG.

  18. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Please tell me they are just making fun of Taylor Swift and not actually making the heart symbol for real.

  19. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is my hair OK?”
    “Are my moobs ok?”

  20. Sting Yellow Teeth Pants Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    How secret can it be, if there are photographers there?

  21. Ozzy Osbourne Looking Confused Lether Jacket
    Commented on this photo:

    Prague? Looks like he’s in Cardiac Arrest to me.

  22. Sting Yellow Teeth Pants Lady Gaga Secret Gig Annabells
    Commented on this photo:

    Just saw R Kelly’s finale…

  23. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope they paid VERY well, Pat.

  24. Adam Lambert Kathy Griffin TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, Kathy’s face is more stretched back than Adam’s asshole.

  25. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    What kind of name is Allie Teilz LAX?

  26. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s all better y’all.

  27. Ozzy Osbourne Looking Confused Lether Jacket
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s fun to imagine a lot of these old rockers without their long dyed hair and dated rock outfits and picture them with bald heads, plaid shorts and tall socks with a bowling shirt. Like my grandpa.

  28. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s pretty much confirmed that Hayden has no gag reflex and a ridiculously high tolerance for pain. My kind of woman.

  29. Carla Gugino Cleavage American Hustle Premiere New York
    Commented on this photo:

    Shots of her make me wish there was a View Motorboat Size option for the photos.

  30. Aubrey O'Day Cleavage Legs Silk Robe Instagram
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh look. A half naked fame whore with an I-phone.
    How original.

  31. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Patch
    Commented on this photo:

    I see she hangs to the left…

  32. Kelly Bensimon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Ron Howard in a wig and a bikini…who would have thought.

  33. Adam Lambert Kathy Griffin TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Vanilla Ice is lookin pretty good for his age.

  34. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Commented on this photo:

    How hard is it to dye individual facial whiskers?

  35. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    Bertney, The Low-IQ Cooze
    by Dr. Seuss

    Up at Los Angeles…the far south of the country…
    Lives a fat former popstar, known as lil’ Bertney,
    And she walks around LA with the vacantest eyes
    Looking for nice tender McDonald’s French Fries

    Up at Los Angeles, one day, she was walking,
    Just strolling along and thinking about munching…
    (for the fast food that day was especially fine)…
    When it happened that lil’ Bertney, whose IQ was nine,
    Saw nest to her a foreigner walking.
    The man called out, “Hey!
    It’s such a long road
    And it’s such a hot day,
    Would you mind if I rode
    Your vagina for a way?”

    “Of course not!” smiled Bertney, The Low-IQ Cooze.
    “I’m happy my pee-pee place can be of some use.
    There’s room there to spare and I’m happy to share!
    Be my guest and I hope that you’re comfortable there!”

  36. Aubrey O'Day Cleavage Legs Silk Robe Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Very sexy.

  37. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “And this is how big it is now!”

  38. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    twat
    Commented on this photo:

    gettin a little chubby, meaty arms!

  39. Kelly Bensimon Bikini
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Oooo… tough call. Stuck on an island and the only way off is to fuck one of them…..

    Dick cant taste that bad, can it?

  40. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear god – it’s the CAT LADY.
    With dogs.

  41. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Polkadot Sundress Selfie Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Gross, as always.

  42. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Kristen Stewart? No, I have no idea of her whereabouts, why do you ask?”

  43. Gerard Butler Horsing Around With Dudes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    There are so many weird things in this pic… the least of which is Gerard sharting his cargo shorts.

  44. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    I wanna look like a pirate… or a Mexican… or a Mexican pirate.

  45. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, please!

  46. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Polkadot Sundress Selfie Instagram
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    The final picture of LiLo before she “mysteriously disappears” into the foundation of the new Hilton their building.

  47. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I curse the sun!

  48. Shakira Bra Cleavage See Through Shirt LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    Perfect woman.

  49. Lady Gaga Bra Panties Jean Jacket
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    And today… I think I’ll dress like a colorblind, hippy cowboy reject from the Village People.

  50. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans Buying Carrots Whole Foods Son Luca
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hmmm…. I wonder if that’s going to be big enough…”

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