The Crap We Missed – Monday 12.9.13

December 9th, 2013 // 408 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is set predominantly in Miami, because cold weather is for poor people. So while everyone from Texas to Pennsylvania got shellacked in the dick with ice this weekend, famous celebrities went to the beach for their bizarre mating rituals and to light money on fire. Please join me in slamming on them via our real mom, the Internet, for she never makes us feel guilty about how much more time we may or may not be spending at the in-laws this Christmas even though nobody set a time yet and probably won’t until the day before. Family holiday time, yay!! Anyway, here’s Patrick Dempsey making Chris Martin look like a Hell’s Angel, Hoda Kotb in a bikini because I’ve been dead inside for a long, long time, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers at Lady Gaga‘s secret show, so at least we all know who donated the cocaine sculptures.

Ok guys, no “low-hanging fruit” Farrah Abraham sex tape jokes on this one. You can do better than that,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a nipple. I’ll take it.

  2. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Heh! Almost didn’t recognize her!

  3. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    Where will you be when the Thorazine kicks in?

  4. Lady Gaga Bra Panties Jean Jacket
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh Jesus.

  5. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Hayden! Show us how big your ass is after he’s done with you!

  6. Ozzy Osbourne Looking Confused Lether Jacket
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s 65. His liver must be three or four times that.

  7. Kelly Bensimon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Never accept a doctor referral from Tara Reid

  8. Paparazzo Logan Fazio Butt Bikini
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, that is a cracking ass.

  9. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    Must’ve been comparing his man boobs to her prego boobs.

  10. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still the most fuckable chick from The Hills.

  11. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Commented on this photo:

    Call me Sissy. Sissy Bond.

  12. Gerard Butler Horsing Around With Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s no way that these aren’t his brothers. I’m assuming their names are, Larry, Darryl and Darryl.

  13. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m really distracted by Miley’s tit up there. I wanna squeeze ‘em.

  14. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    what we cant see in the photo is that shes driving a stake through the master vampire and kicking him down into a bottomless pit which seals the gateway of dlhmockls and saves the world.

  15. Neon Hitch Nipple Slip KIIS FM Jingle Ball
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The name alone earns a posting.

  16. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    “Audrina! Audrina! Show us again what your nipples look like!”

  17. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    Commented on this photo:

    So basically R. Kelly is living my dreams now?

  18. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Simon looks as if he can lactate with the best of them.

  19. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Good finger painting class, honey?”

  20. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Commented on this photo:

    From McDreamy to McMetrosexual.

  21. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s her talent? And appeal?

  22. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    My gawd I’ll bet he throws her around like a hacky sack ball.

  23. Gerard Butler Horsing Around With Dudes
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Digital Underground!

  24. Simon Cowell Drunk Open Shirt Man Boob Chest Hair Cigarettes Girlfriend Lauren Silverman
    Commented on this photo:

    Do. Your. Shirt. Up!

  25. Steven Tyler Goatee Holding Two Small Dogs
    blerg
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry Steven, going for the Johnny Depp look won’t help…

  26. Britney Spears Zombie Face Sweatsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging by those sweatpants, I’d say Britney just got back from McDonald’s.

  27. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    You can have her, R Kelly.

  28. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she rocking a little package there.

  29. Jeremy Renner American Hustle Premiere New York
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m NOT GAY.”

    (laughing hysterically) “Yes you are, yes you are”

  30. Kelly Bensimon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I think you labelled the pics out of order, this is clearly Stephen Tyler.

  31. Mischa Barton Butt Tight Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s the dust shooting out of the cracks in the bricks?

  32. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Commented on this photo:

    Audrina got a call from the Hyde Bellagio and was surprised to hear she still existed.

  33. Jennifer Nicole Lee Cleavage Ill Fitting Shirt Rico Love Annual Birthday Celebration Art Basel Miami
    Commented on this photo:

    She really needs to get that econo tit job fixed…

  34. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Entitled: Prelude to a golden shower.

  35. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans Buying Carrots Whole Foods Son Luca
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ma-maa….you said you wouldnt play hide da veggie anymore…”

  36. Patrick Dempsey No Socks Loafers Riding Vespa
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t think they could cram that much hipster douche in a single photo.

  37. Hayden Panettiere Wladimir Klitschko Heart Hand Symbol Ein Herz Für Kinder Charity Gala
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wonder Twin powers, activate!”
    “Form of: a giant!”
    “Form of: a midget with no internal organs!”

  38. Bret Michaels Jumping Split Bret Michaels Band 26th Annual Toys In The Sun Run
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    A man his age is practically begging for a broken hip.

  39. Shakira Bra Cleavage See Through Shirt LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice uni-tit … not.

  40. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    See, ladies? Just by going blonde, even Margaret McPoyle can find love.

  41. Sarah Michelle Gellar Derpface TrevorLIVE Los Angeles Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    Forever love.

  42. Lady Gaga Butt Thong Bikini R Kelly Terry Richardson Shoot
    JungleRed
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone just told him she’s not underage.

  43. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    You didn’t have to bother with the wrap. Nobody is looking at your ass.

  44. Joaquin Phoenix Girlfriend Allie Teilz Nipples No Bra LAX
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear Allie…
    Wear a bra. Its fucking LAX.
    Seriously people.

  45. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    AC
    Commented on this photo:

    I got nothing funny to say. I’ve just been sitting here howling for the last ten minutes in between shaking my fist at God and yelling, “Why is it back? Why?”

  46. Audrina Patridge Wonky Eyes Cleavage Hyde Bellagio Vegas
    Commented on this photo:

    “My name is Audrina and it’s been 3 years, 4 months and 14 days since I was last considered a celebrity.”

  47. Hoda Kotb Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Slash looks good with straightened hair

  48. Gerard Butler Horsing Around With Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Sausage fest at the beach.

  49. Gerard Butler Horsing Around With Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    “Turn around and smell it you Jew bastard!”
    “No! I am not going to turn around!”
    “Smell it! It’s a famous person’s fart!”

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