The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.12.12

November 12th, 2012 // 665 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is another sizeable chunk of celebrity fuckery, and no, that’s not a euphemism for Jon Hamm‘s penis for once. This platter of sausages, however, that Heidi Klum is holding near her face probably is, because not only is she amazingly hot, but also schooled in the art of suggestion. Well played, Klum, well played. We’ve also got Alec Baldwin who is just so virile and healthy and probably brings his young wife to endless orgasm is what I think we’re all supposed to believe by now, as well as Criss Angel whose greatest illusion until now was concealing the fact that he is actually a 53 year old female middle school receptionist from Utah, and finally, would the Academy please just preemptively give Matthew McConaughey the award for Best Actor before he actually gives himself AIDS? For christsakes, this man has children to feed.

And now, for the not-giving-a-fuckiest moment in the history of not giving a fuck,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    So, we know there’s at least one guy in New York who is a dead ringer for Tom Cruise.

  2. Thomas Jane Hat Cigar
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Lidsville?

  3. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s one busted up face.

  4. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    “Please dont scare my daughter” – I dont mean this jokingly, I really think thats what she is saying. Sorry Katie – we have no boundaries.

  5. Sylvester Stallone Wladimir Klitschko Vitali Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship Match
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    No wonder Rocky lost to Apollo Creed. What a shrimp-kin.

  6. Carrot Top Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Welcome to your nightmare!!

  7. Carrot Top Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    The phrase “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger” was made for this guy.

  8. Jeremy Renner David O. Russell
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    “Thank god for Bose ear pods. Get your fucking hands off me”

  9. Mel B Bikini Smoking And Drinking Stephen Belafonte Shirtless Boating
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Mel B and her househusband

  10. David Hasselhoff
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    “My 1990′s jeans say I’m hip again. Yippie!!”

  11. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember the stretch monster? Me too.

  12. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who’s got two thumbs, and hairy knuckles? This guy!!”

  13. Mel B Bikini Smoking And Drinking Boating
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats Japanese for “SMELLY FISH BELOW”

  14. Sylvester Stallone Wladimir Klitschko Vitali Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship Match
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously though, that fucker is huge.

  15. David Hasselhoff
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh sshnapps!

  16. Nick Nolte Eating Huge Sandwich Panama Hat Linen Pants
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Not giving a fuck can be so very liberating.

  17. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks more like a real woman than a lot of women in England do these days.

  18. Miranda Kerr Nipples Tight Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here modeling a dress with illusion seam nipples.

    • I thought you’d give some love for the bag, CD. I guess I’ll have to do it: that’s a nice handbag. Kind of mid-century retro—maybe even vintage.

      Hey, if being capable of appreciating women’s accessories makes me gay…fuck you.

  19. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    popwilleatitself
    Commented on this photo:

    Who do I have to f$%k to make this stop?

  20. Janice Dickinson Dancing
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought pickpockets were supposed to be fast and subtle?

  21. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    MOO

  22.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Very occasionally a SW site photo makes me scream out loud when it first impacts my eyeballs.
    This was one of them.

  23. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Made and made up for stellar porn performance.

  24. Isabell Fontana Butt Leather Pants MTV EMA
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Halloween was a couple weeks ago.

    • Snack pack

      No comment on the shoes? They look more versatile than just for Halloween. And severe enough for a good time.

  25. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Heinous jewelry; busted face.

  26. Maria Shriver The Grove Tree Lighting Spectacular
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    I want him dead, I want his family dead, I want his cat dead!… What, we’re on the air?! Aaaahh, this was my impression of the Godfather. Yes, definitely the Godfather.

  27. Prince Charles Swimmers AUT Millennium
    tom
    Commented on this photo:

    If I understand well, that guy’s life only consist in having holidays.

  28. Charlie Hunnam Sons Of Anarchy Season Five Celebration
    cabora
    Commented on this photo:

    ATM

  29. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    Sing “Jessie’s Girl”!

  30. Jude Law Sideburns Mousache Headphones Rise of the Guardians Rome International Film Festival
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the they have someone to play Lobot in the new Star Wars movies.

  31. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    Spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo

  32. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    Miss Hathaway finally got Mr. Dreysdale to pay for that sex change.

  33. Jessica Alba Butt Tramp Stamp
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    The Jessica Alba Swisuit Butt Pose: Flat Ass Edition

  34. Charlie Hunnam Sons Of Anarchy Season Five Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Mike Seaver finally snapped.

  35. Jim Toth Throws Drink At Photographer
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, you want a picture of me and my wife? Sure! Hey, favor for a favor, can you throw this away for me? Damnit! My bad, I was totally aiming at your hands. You OK? That’ll come right out. No biggey. Man, I hope there aren’t any other photographers in the area. If they got a picture of that, it would make me look like a sissy douche throwing a drink at a paparazzo. Anyway, have a nice day!”

  36. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Katie shit her pants. Coincidentally, at that very same moment, Suri smelled something rank.

  37. Carrot Top Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    lawn
    Commented on this photo:

    God damn it, I clicked the thumbnail thinking it was the Wendy’s girl!

  38. Nick Nolte Eating Huge Sandwich Panama Hat Linen Pants
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Subway made whiskey sandwiches.

  39. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas Cleavage SoulCycle Soul Relief Rides
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    He only married her so he could be referred to as “Hilaria’s husband”.

  40. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Sticky name for a movie.

  41. Sylvester Stallone Wladimir Klitschko Vitali Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship Match
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look at zis guy, he eez as big az dat midget I uzed to fook!”

  42. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Full retard?

  43. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Turns out black ISN’T slimming.

    • Schmidtler

      It can be – but for it to work on this fatass, she’d have to go out dipped in tar, and only at night when there’s no moon.

  44. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    lawn
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s enough Botox gone into that face to kill the entire North Korean Army.

  45. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    devilsrain
    Commented on this photo:

    Is the top rubber?

  46. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone Please teach her how to breath through her nose.

  47. Mel B Bikini Smoking And Drinking Boating
    lawn
    Commented on this photo:

    A deal with the Devil, that’s the only possible explanation.

  48. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    FUCKBEAST
    Commented on this photo:

    literally starving for attention

  49. Maria Shriver The Grove Tree Lighting Spectacular
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    ” . . . And your little dog too!”

  50. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    FUCKBEAST
    Commented on this photo:

    metaphorically starving for attention

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