The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.12.12

November 12th, 2012 // 665 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is another sizeable chunk of celebrity fuckery, and no, that’s not a euphemism for Jon Hamm‘s penis for once. This platter of sausages, however, that Heidi Klum is holding near her face probably is, because not only is she amazingly hot, but also schooled in the art of suggestion. Well played, Klum, well played. We’ve also got Alec Baldwin who is just so virile and healthy and probably brings his young wife to endless orgasm is what I think we’re all supposed to believe by now, as well as Criss Angel whose greatest illusion until now was concealing the fact that he is actually a 53 year old female middle school receptionist from Utah, and finally, would the Academy please just preemptively give Matthew McConaughey the award for Best Actor before he actually gives himself AIDS? For christsakes, this man has children to feed.

And now, for the not-giving-a-fuckiest moment in the history of not giving a fuck,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff
    Commented on this photo:

    The land of beer and people who like me? OF COURSE I’M STAYING!

  2.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    yenn
    Commented on this photo:

    her face is almost as frozen as Marie’s.

  3. Janice Dickinson Dancing
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    There is a whole lot of penis terror in that room.

  4.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    Is THAT what the magic underwear looks like?

  5. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Commented on this photo:

    Little known fact: Melanomas can grow to the size of a head. And often grow hair.

  6. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    She always looked stoned out of her gourd. And like a trashier Megan Fox.

  7. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh snap, dude, Biebs and Selena are back together!

  8. Mel B Bikini Smoking And Drinking Stephen Belafonte Shirtless Boating
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like the tuck tape is slipping or s/he is starting to sport a chub.

  9. Jim Toth Throws Drink At Photographer
    Commented on this photo:

    Having been told he walks and dresses like a sissy, Jim Toth responds by throwing a drink like a sissy.

  10. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Jade
    Commented on this photo:

    If Lindsay Lohan and a Real Doll were to make a baby, this is what it would look like.

  11. Prince Charles Swimmers AUT Millennium
    Commented on this photo:

    “I command you to stare at my crotch for no longer than 5 seconds. 1. 2. 3. 4. 4 and half….”

  12. Janice Dickinson Dancing
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    best she’s looked in a long while.

  13. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    No, grandpa! We take you home first then you get your apple sauce.

  14. Isabell Fontana Butt Leather Pants MTV EMA
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll add my name to the choir and say “Dat Ass!”

  15. Thomas Jane Hat Cigar
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    (looks at glass reflection outside Starbucks)

    “…………..so beatnik…..so fucking beatnik….”

  16. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    By the looks of him, he’s drinking a broth made largely of tuberculosis.

  17. Heidi Klum Sausages MTV EMA Twitter
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she ordered the Number 8, “The Kim Karsdashian.”

  18. Laura Chiatti Cleavage Rome International Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s cute, but I need a chick to have thumbs

  19. Miranda Kerr Nipples Tight Dress
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like that dress has the Daytime Running Lights option.

  20. Rita Ora Cleavag MTV EMA
    Commented on this photo:

    How does a Kosovar Albanian can end up looking like a hybrid between Dolly Parton and Tila Tequila?

  21. Nick Nolte Eating Huge Sandwich Panama Hat Linen Pants
    Sister Ray
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s that in front of him, Otto from Sons of Anarchy sans facial hair and eyepatch?

  22. Carrot Top Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    How come Nat Geo’s “Taboo” hasn’t done a special on this guy yet?

  23. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    “The only way is up”? That’s a funny title for a book written by someone who got to where she is on her back.

  24. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Next stop for that dress…Elvis painting!

  25. Janice Dickinson Dancing
    Commented on this photo:

    Janice, please! I’m married…To someone 60 years younger than you!

  26. David Hasselhoff
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    My latest record just hit Number 1 in Germany!

  27. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas Cleavage SoulCycle Soul Relief Rides
    Commented on this photo:

    She is beautiful and so is he. They’ll make gorgeous children if they can escape the Bruce/Demi curse.

  28. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    For my next trick, I’ll kiss this woman without vomiting…BLECCCCCCCCCCH…Okay, I admit it…Magic isn’t real.

  29. Charlie Hunnam Sons Of Anarchy Season Five Celebration
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    The aura of genius emanating from this picture is making my skin tingle.

  30. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Sister Ray
    Commented on this photo:

    Adam Lambert in a few decades.

  31. David Hasselhoff
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Heyyyyyy sexy lady, WOOT WOOT WOOT”

  32. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    he’s wearing less accessories than usual. typically he looks like he rolled around in Sandford & Son’s junkyard while covered in glue

  33. David Beckham Stretching Pink Shoes
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Befuddled

  34. Claire Sinclair Cleavage Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    If you look like the bottom half of Elmo, you could be in for a surprise.

  35. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Time to die, Mr. Burton”

  36. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Criss—I’m going to click a pink arrow and make you disappear!

  37. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Ridiculous

  38. Kim Kardashian Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    PHOTOGRAPHER: “Hmmmmmmm…there’s an interesting looking black woman, smoking a cigarette. I think I’ll take her picture. 3..2..1…click. AW DAMMIT Kim how did you get into ANOTHER one of my shots?!?”

  39. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Pfft, remember about the time he guest started on Miami Vice he was the hottest property in Hollywood? Someone played their cards wrong.

  40. Isabell Fontana Butt Leather Pants MTV EMA
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Goofy style. Great Ass!

  41.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    that doll’s face appears to be saying “her son did WHAT??”

    (too soon?)

  42. Rita Ora Cleavag MTV EMA
    Commented on this photo:

    She slipped a nice tit at a concert at Wembley Stadium over the weekend. It was beautiful.

  43. Mel B Bikini Smoking And Drinking Stephen Belafonte Shirtless Boating
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “ohhhhhh, so this is where the burning tires smell is coming from…”

  44. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, that’s ONE way to make sure you don’t lose another wife to lesbianism.

  45. Peter Dinklage Erica Schmidt A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Cure Parkinsons Event
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Baby Face Finster

  46. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s only a tiny drip of drool away from looking utterly catatonic…and sexy.

  47. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Her book!!!! WTF

  48.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Want to scare the living fuck out of someone? Sneak this doll into their house and leave it where it’s the first thing they see when they get home and turn on the lights. (Not sure if that falls under ‘Negligent Homicide’ so you are on your own.)

  49. David Hasselhoff
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    omg over there–
    on the ground-
    a cheesburger!

  50. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise
    Commented on this photo:

    Something must have reminded them of the time they saw Daddy showering with his Xenu probe.

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