The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.12.12

November 12th, 2012 // 665 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is another sizeable chunk of celebrity fuckery, and no, that’s not a euphemism for Jon Hamm‘s penis for once. This platter of sausages, however, that Heidi Klum is holding near her face probably is, because not only is she amazingly hot, but also schooled in the art of suggestion. Well played, Klum, well played. We’ve also got Alec Baldwin who is just so virile and healthy and probably brings his young wife to endless orgasm is what I think we’re all supposed to believe by now, as well as Criss Angel whose greatest illusion until now was concealing the fact that he is actually a 53 year old female middle school receptionist from Utah, and finally, would the Academy please just preemptively give Matthew McConaughey the award for Best Actor before he actually gives himself AIDS? For christsakes, this man has children to feed.

And now, for the not-giving-a-fuckiest moment in the history of not giving a fuck,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Maria Shriver The Grove Tree Lighting Spectacular
    Commented on this photo:

    “TIMMONS! I said more collagen STAT!”

  2. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder what they are allowing him to eat daily

  3. Chloe Simms Nipples Book Signing
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    It might be time to turn the heat up at that bookstore. Or not.

  4. Sylvester Stallone Wladimir Klitschko Vitali Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship Match
    Commented on this photo:

    Learning how Tom Cruise feels everyday.

  5. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    For my next trick, I’m going to transform into a raging homosexual.

  6. Criss Angel Haircut Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he using Bon Jovi’s coiffure?

  7. Enrique Iglesias Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Commented on this photo:

    No man-sexy mole? Then I don’t care.

  8. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    Commented on this photo:

    John Holmes is looking good.

  9. Thomas Jane Hat Cigar
    Commented on this photo:

    The highlander has assumed a new identity.

  10. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Now starring in The Bruce Jenner Story…….

  11. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember that soft porn movie he did?

  12. Sylvester Stallone Wladimir Klitschko Vitali Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship Match
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, that’s where boxing has fallen to. Stallone is the biggest star “in” the sport.

  13. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    Lou Diamond Phillips on the set of his new reality series, “Mommy, Why Is Lou Diamond Phillips Sleeping in Our Garage?”

  14. Charlie Hunnam Sons Of Anarchy Season Five Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll take both of the girls. Guy can hold the camera.

  15.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    Marie Osmond unveils her new “Sister Wives Pedophile Collection”.

  16. David Beckham Stretching Pink Shoes
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess he’s bending it like Beckham, again!
    See last weeks post….

  17. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh, Wayne. That shocker is going to be a little too shocking.

  18. Jim Toth Throws Drink At Photographer
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    There goes $20 of Starbucks best.

  19. Heidi Klum Sausages MTV EMA Twitter
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    One of those belonged to Seal.

  20. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    Russell Brand cleans up nicely.

  21. Prince Charles Swimmers AUT Millennium
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “So then he told I couldn’t fuck his dog, just his sheep, and I asked him “Do you know who I am? “

  22. Prince Charles Swimmers AUT Millennium
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Why isnt he playing with some stupid Britsh Farm Animals…….

  23. Peter Dinklage Erica Schmidt A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Cure Parkinsons Event
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, he’s a midget, but he’s got a giant…oh, who am I kidding. He’s a fucking midget.”

  24. Carrot Top Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    Vegas. Where you take your no talent ass-clown show when you realize it was never funny, never cool, and never successful. You can then make a lot of money off of people so stupid that they can’t calculate the odds on the penny slots.

  25. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    Cadillac Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    Bill Cosby called and said… well, you know where this was going.

  26. Claire Sinclair Cleavage Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s beautiful.

  27. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    i would still pound this monster.

  28. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas Cleavage SoulCycle Soul Relief Rides
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    Alec Baldwin and his future alimony payment recipient.

  29. Tamara Ecclestone Cleavage The Elton John AIDS Foundation Grey Goose Winter Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    There should be a moratorium on boob jobs in the UK, until their surgeons get some much needed training.

    Lesson number one: a woman’s breast does not begin at her clavicle.

  30. Peter Dinklage Erica Schmidt A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Cure Parkinsons Event
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    What does he see in her?

  31. Heidi Klum Sausages MTV EMA Twitter
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Her legs look great.

  32. Claire Sinclair Cleavage Zarkana Premiere Cirque Du Soleil
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re the wrong gender if your trying to get Kevin Clash to stick something up your ass.

  33. Peter Dinklage Erica Schmidt A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Cure Parkinsons Event
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    (clapping, cheering from audience)

    “And now, for my next act, I’m going to insert my penis into this woman and simultaneously kiss her at the same time!! ”

    (gasps, cries from the audience)

  34. Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas Cleavage SoulCycle Soul Relief Rides
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Did he import her from Guatemela or something?

  35. Nick Nolte Eating Huge Sandwich Panama Hat Linen Pants
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Heidi was shocked to discover she was down to four.

  36. Maria Shriver The Grove Tree Lighting Spectacular
    Fishballs
    Commented on this photo:

    “Soon He-Man will bow before ME!”

  37. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with the picture of a baked potato topped with pubic hair, Fish?

  38. Lou Diamond Phillips Wearing Tiara Sofia The First: Once Upon A Princess Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I think he’s an awesome and underrated actor.

  39. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Checkers anyone?

  40.  Marie Osmond Doll Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    That doll looks old enough to marry in Mormonism.

  41. Laura Chiatti Cleavage Rome International Film Festival
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Wedding ring, pregnant, move along.

  42. Gemma Arterton Cleavage Legs See Through Dress Place For Peace Dinner
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    This girl was hot as hell in Quantum of Solace

  43. Ashton Kutcher Grandpa Sweater Derpface
    Commented on this photo:

    At first I thought, you have to admire a guy who can bag Mila Kunis, even when he’s clearly a tool. Then I saw her track record with men. Mild admiration revoked.

  44. Jeremy Renner David O. Russell
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    First In!
    Men In Black, Part Douche!

  45. Matthew McConaughey Skinny Moustache
    yenn
    Commented on this photo:

    is this going to make him act better?

  46. David Beckham Stretching Pink Shoes
    Commented on this photo:

    So men are doing the “over-the-shoulder-show-your-ass-to-the-camera” pose now? FML.

  47. Jude Law Sideburns Mousache Headphones Rise of the Guardians Rome International Film Festival
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    He should use pommade on that little clump of hair and turn it into a little horn. That’d be funny.

  48. Katie Holmes Suri Cruise
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    Katie, don’t make scary faces like this. It gives Tom a damn good excuse for a new custody hearing.

  49. Miranda Kerr Nipples Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    So what…I’m some kind of titty savant that has to be the one to point out that those are seams on her blouse, not nipples?

  50. Wayne Newton Gang Signs Destination Fashion 2012 The Buoniconti Fund To Cure Paralysis
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Whatever you do, DON’T use the zoom function on this one.

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