Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is another sizeable chunk of celebrity fuckery, and no, that’s not a euphemism for Jon Hamm‘s penis for once. This platter of sausages, however, that Heidi Klum is holding near her face probably is, because not only is she amazingly hot, but also schooled in the art of suggestion. Well played, Klum, well played. We’ve also got Alec Baldwin who is just so virile and healthy and probably brings his young wife to endless orgasm is what I think we’re all supposed to believe by now, as well as Criss Angel whose greatest illusion until now was concealing the fact that he is actually a 53 year old female middle school receptionist from Utah, and finally, would the Academy please just preemptively give Matthew McConaughey the award for Best Actor before he actually gives himself AIDS? For christsakes, this man has children to feed.
And now, for the not-giving-a-fuckiest moment in the history of not giving a fuck,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
When the cute wears off, the tits will be sagging. The market trend says to buy in early, and tread carefully long term waiting for the break point.
He reached that point where the only way to look weirder was to look normal.
“Honey, it slipped out again.. You gotta be more careful… They think we’re just a normal heterosexual couple on vacation”
Either way, she has a great body.
Yes she does!
As a dad, I can respect this picture and this man.
Ohhh, shit! I thought it was his date!
“My daughter is a better, what?”
“Actor!”
Incredulous look + silence.
Aaaannnnnd… SCENE!
Guy in the back is getting impatient waiting for his fucking doll to get signed.
Perfect amount for an airtight.
“A funny thing happened when I put this man in the drier,” she said.
With all her money, she can’t afford a mirror?
whatever this shit is, it needs a liberal dose of fire to correct.
Five big, dark sausages only for her? Heidi calls that “Dienstag,” bitches.
I do the same thing sometimes.
What… shop at the Big & Tall store for absolutely no fucking reason?
I’m 6’4″. I got a reason.
Usually a guy sporting a puffy vest, pornstache and US Flag hat would know how to throw a punch. It’s only in LA, where “men” throw their iced chai lattes and then run to the the safety of their Toyata hybrids.
Practice makes perfect.
I don’t know how he does it…. he just keeps getting douchier. And douchier.
you are old, get over it lady…
Why is there an attractive women pictured on the cover of her autobiography?
I think photoshoppers call it artistic license.
Wide Shoulders? Check.
No Hips? Check.
Bad extensions? Check.
Fake Tits? Check.
Chin down to hide adam’s apple? Check.
Man Face? Check.
Yeah… this is a dude everyone. Right here… it’s a dude.
Holy shit, her hairline is reced . . . wait, she’s which one?
Being rich is neat.
Pippa?
I’m your huckleberry… Didn’t know they were remaking Tombstone.
T.H.O. Alert!
She’s beautiful. Who is she?
Laura Chiatti
At first I thought he was staring at some nudist chick’s baps. It took a while to sink in that he was ogling a naked man. Now it all makes sense.
Why don’t I have a book?
_FUCKING_ YES! You and me both, McBeef. You and me both :/
Also, said it before but, NO ONE does skanky as well as the Brits do.
[cough] Courtney Stodden [cough]
I miss SGU.
DO NOT JUDGE ME.
On the positive side, I found the upholstery from my couch. On the negative side, it’s all stretched out and smells like urine now (I bet).
I hate fringe, but it’s hard to argue with that ass.
Eet zose vienerz mit fraulein!
Post in English, you asshole. What, do you think we’re a bunch of fucking Nazis or something?
Yes, because German definitely equals Nazis. Asshole.
Quick, someone tell him that he’s not actually going to nail either of them!
Who says he doesn’t have $40?
LOL!
He doesn’t have $40. No way.
Is Depeche Mode touring again?
I thought this was Andy Dick being caught in public with one of his Johns
Aw hell, couldn’t you wait til ya got on the fuckin plane….to eat that $10.00 Sub…
NEXT.
Born a woman.
You know you’ve gone overboard with the photoshop when the coverphoto looks nothing like you.
Still a jackass and a fake.
Isn’t this the girl Hef’s kid beat up? Oops. Here comes Chris Brown . . .
Who would have thought that the Place For Peace dinner to support the Peace Earth Foundation was really just a ruse to dress fancy and congratulate other assholes for doing the same.
Mustache Man is not impressed.
Is that the little pig or his new wife? I can’t remember.
What does Chiatti mean in Italian? Big a tittie!
When did he morph into Phil Collins?
Do paps just fucking stand around in LAX waiting all day to take these useless shots?
Yes.
You there! We’re not in New Guinea, put a shirt on!
At least this teen idol isn’t running around with claiming bananas are God’s proof he exists.
He’s doing far worse things with bananas.
I heard he masticates with them
I hear he works in Hollywood with thespians.
I appreciate a woman who brings her own bondage equipment. And has that ass.
Dude’s thinking, “If I can just slide a finger down the crack of that ass”
She’ll do anything to get on the Larry David Show!