Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed: A Case Study in Why Aging Celebrities Should Never Allow Themselves To Be Photographed. Unless of course, you’re Helen Mirren standing next to Helen Hunt, in which case, take every opportunity for this you can get, because I honestly couldn’t say who’s older than who here. In keeping with this theme, I’m just going to rattle off these names and listen into the distance for your horrified shrieks because I’m a disturbed sonofabitch who giggles with delight at that sort of thing: Alan Arkin, Charo, James Caan and Martin Sheen.
Although in fairness, old Martino Estevez still has a leg up on his boy,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
How many times have I told you, I’m not James Bond. Those jumper cables REALLY chafed my ta-tas.
Grandma?
“So Matthew Fox is just BEATING on his wife, right? He’s really pounding her, going all Chris Brown on her face. That’s when he grabs her by the shoulders and just fucking headbutts her! Dropped her like a bad habit.”
Man, these Khardashians…..like mother like daughter, when something sprays them in the face they just lean back and take it like a champ.
Her face is melting, she’s smiling just to keep it in place as much as possible.
There’s an angel…An angel on the court!
Uncertain about sincerity
“And then I smell ‘em like this!”
Her face is in braille and I’ve read it…….it says “whore.”
The CRANE move, Torrie-san…Do the CRANE move!
Is that Emmitt Nervend?
“Joseph, you have dinner with Warner Brothers and then a Lakers game tonight.”
“OK, so what should I wear”
“Wear a suit and then change in the limo. Ill bring my gay roommates skinny jeans. You grow some facial hair and bring some shitty shoes.
The CRANE move, Torrie-san…Do the CRANE move!
Is this Blue Steel or La Tigra? No wait, Magnum.
I need one of these in front of me at the gym
Hey look, it’s (insert famous black man) in drag!
I’m just going to wheel this suitcase full of sharpies over here so I can finish drawing on my eyebrows……
I thought once this one got pregnant, she’d go away forever….. no such luck.
After years of watching her prance around the ring in a silver two piece while my college roommates and I sat around doing bong hits and eating anything we could find wedged in the couch cushions…..I so would.
Nice teefs.
attempting to suck the soul out of kris cowdashian, only to find there’s nothing left…..
Cue sound effect of a straw sucking up the last drops from the bottle of a soda can.
I’m just going to wheel this suitcase full of sharpies over here so I can finish drawing on my eyebrows……
Earthworms are easy.
For god’s sake Botox!
Well, she wasn’t getting it done 30-years ago…so can this really be a “surprise”?
There are so few good roles for actresses like her any more. OK cookie monster. But besides cookie monster….
Gary Busey is reliving his motorcycle accident in his new movie, “Ground Hog Day 2, Head First”
To be the man, you gotta beat the man!
WOOOOOOOO!
“Honey…did you call the paps again?”
Apparently he never stopped playing young Tommy Lee Jones.
AKA Richard Grieco’s apprentice.
Time sucks.
I’m not sure what fascinates me more: the fake boobs, caved-in stomach, or obvious penis bulge in “her” shorts.
poor gary’s face.
it just realized its connected to crazy gary’s brain.
Sadly, their life is one, big Ralph Lauren ad. And by sadly, I mean fuck you.
“The pussy is absolutely dreadful. You have got to be kidding me. I paid good money for this? I expect better than, whatever it is you got going on down there.”
That awkward moment when your neck begins to devour your head.
Mmh, they might be able to launch three, four ships between the two of them. Round that up to a dozen if you add in Helen Slater.
Okay, I get that it’s Helen Hunt and Helen Mirren. But which one is which?
You know it’s gone wrong when that hair color is the most natural looking thing in this photo.
Sadly, their life is one, big Ralph Lauren ad. And by sadly, I mean fuck you.
You know your career’s gone to shit when you’re trying to imitate an airwalking dog
The Biggest Loser and a really overweight guy.
no david no-
let it go.
that is not a big double cheeseburger.
Fior someone who prefers putting it in the ass, A-Rod’s “girls” sure have some unimpressive ones
Now I get it. Michael Jackson told his surgeon, “I want Charo’s nose.”
Still getting upstaged by the dog.The one on the right I mean.
A rod? Why yes I have one right here in my pants!
1. was he paid to make an appearance there?
2. why?
That’s the face of a man who got arrested for public intoxication? Seriously? Masturbation, yeah maybe..