Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, which hopefully you’ll check out as soon as you’re done telling Pink & Miley Cyrus to kill themselves because of their haircuts. Anyway, today we’ve got Kellan Lutz who knows there’s nothing sexier than giving your lady pink eye, a rarely seen side of Pippa Middleton, Dubya’s daughters not falling far from the moron tree, and finally, remember yesterday, when we all agreed Scarjo endorsing Obama was an awful idea?
Yeah, shit just got way worse,
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I’m craving pancakes for lunch for some reason…just two, each with a strawberry in the middle.
“I believe…. a not-so-gentle slap upside the head can cure any problem you have with a woman…”
“Aye, but never with a closed hand…after all, we’re NOT animals!”
If she was hoping the asymmetrical dress would balance out her lopsided boobs, she has it on backwards.
Still not bad for dropping two kids.
2 words: man whore
I guess the democrats really DO like tripping over themselves at the last inches of a race…
Pretty sure that’s supposed to be “Jenna Bush Hager.”
So you’re telling me that in the past 18 months this woman, Jessica Simpson, and Hillary Duff were all pregnant?
Yeah right.
I’m guessing that Alessandra has never eaten at Chili’s.
Where did she tattooe “Barack”?
-No one, ever…
“the VIP pass was jammed into my brain by a particularly saucy lass as I was tweaking her nipple like thus”
Perfection
Hot breasts, coming through!
“OMG is that how big of a douche I am????”
huh. I thought the undead usually voted republican.
Yes, it’s the actual dead in graveyards who somehow manage to vote for Democrats.
She is Heidi Klum, definitely she is not Heidi Nips.
Not pictured: 100 black horses pulling on the strings to tighten that dress….
One of these three women are masturbating, the other two are watching a very stimulating game of tennis.
now that you said that, I cant help but think Martha’s expression says she’s got a little something going on off screen too
I can’t tell which is which though. Its driving me crazy.
I prefer to think it’s Barbara.
“No. No. The PENIS mightier …”
Yet another reson to despise her.
#7 thumb up, won’t let me click on it.
That’s OK, I just cancelled it out for you.
“Ok, the bet is if flight 225 comes in first I get anal, if flight 340 comes in first I have to go down on you. Come on 225, come on baby….”
that’s not even close to how you spell “douchebag”
It’s not 1994 anymore, jackoff. wash off the eye makeup and die in a fire.
Dude, that’s a horrible thing to say. I love it.
Maybe the makeup is flammable, if so it would be a shame to wash it off before the fire.
Hard to believe this emo douche is 40 years old…
What. He was actually liked in 1994?
So many jealous losers ITT. Women would knob this guy stupid, don’t be jelly!
“That guy… That guy right there recognized me. Get him a copy of he Pacifier…”
Suck it, Trebek.
“and in last place with negative 120,000 dollars…Sean Connery.”
I’m guessing paying more for those new vibrating seats at the US Open was worth it.
curse of the black Microphone: Kim who is rushing down here?
It would appear that she has a large third breast located in the middle of her belly.
She tried for a part in the remake of Total Recall.
Barbara was always the smart one
And they say stereotypes are wrong….
Thank God I wasn’t the only one who thought of basketballs
Are you implying her lips are bigger than his? She needs to be with the douche in the previous picture.
Very nice…
the fuck out my country, bitch.
The Americans don’t want her, the Brits don’t want her……maybe the French will take her?
Oh hell no!
Hey, you’re 1000 miles away. She’s in my city…and I say she may stay.
Well its up to you to keep her from stopping in Minnesota.
Stopping in Minnesota!! Oh, fuck, I crack myself up. Too funny, too funny.
Well, she’s here to watch the US Open. Let’s see what’s next on the tennis circuit…the Target Championships? Uh oh.
Holy shit, that IS 1000 miles away! (shut up, I hated my Geography teacher. She gave too much homework.)
Watching Ireland, the flying filthy pig.
Yeah, whateva, those aren’t the bushes I want to see.
Pun accepted
More like Rita Orb, amirite?
Nahhhh…they just dropped the “L” off the end of her last name.
Heidi’s apparently pleased with the security at this event.
Nope. She is knocked up again.
Another lucky little fucker about to lead a charmed life.
Hmmm… ok, let’s check back in another 30 days…
She’s losing weight faster than Chestica.
Chestica is gaining the weight she’s losing.
someone had some face work done..
If that’s the “after” of her face work… she needs to ask for a fucking refund.
she should have some more face work done. A scene from “Irreversible” comes to mind.
As in, got my boobs bigger, so’s you don’t have to look at my face.
As soon as she drops those pants were gonna all be wishing for hope and change.
*we’re
If you were suggesting that she’s some kind of were-beast, you had it right the first time.
She deserves a lot of credit for putting it someplace that doesn’t require us to look at her face.
I’ve got 99 problems, but giving a shit about this colossal douchebag ain’t one of them.
Nice manicure Gangsta
I guess when your current tour nets over $250 million, “stay the course” seems like a good idea.
Thanks god herpes isn’t spread thru the air.
I’m not sharing any air with her just to be on the safe side.
Have I mentioned how few Denny’s there are in Canada?
Get your feet off the couch, shit head.
hi high heidi’s highbeams
I don’t know if the guy in the back is upset because he thought he was going to be the biggest douche at the premiere or because Robert Redford didnt share whatever he smoked before the premiere.
He’s certainly put out about something…
I can clearly see her talent.
Huge…tracts of land.
Presumably they gave her that microphone because she can speak, eroding my Upton fantasy considerably
Makes Clint’s lunatic ramblings seem not so bad.
too skinny, never got the appeal of this girl, but I guess all the VS models are slowly whittling down into sticks. I miss the old days when lingerie models actually looked good in lingerie…
Want to know how I know you’re gay?
“I miss the old days when lingerie models actually looked good in lingerie…”
Exactly what “old days” are You referring to? You mean the days of girls like Kate Moss or Jamie King? Going back even further you had Twiggy, Edie Sedgwick and Dorothee Bis.
Today’s models have considerably more curves than the ladies of the past. And Alessandra Ambrosio looks fuckin’ awesome, not to mention her legs are outstanding!
high fashion models have always been skinny, but I’m going to disagree that now they’re skinnier than ever. Anyhow, I’m pretty sure he meant the “classic” 90s models like cindy crawford, claudia shiffer, etc.
dug these up, the styling’s hilarious but they all’ve got great bodies:
http://claireverity.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/90s-supermodels.jpeg
http://www.newfaces.com/blog/uploaded_images/Stephanie-Seymour,Karen-Mulder,Tyra-Banks,Helena-Christensen-739535.jpg
I’ve heard that one of the biggest disappointments in marriage is how infrequently your wife wears clothing like this. Then you get past that stage and are secretly thankful that they don’t.
It’s one of the disappointments, yes.
My ex stood naked one evening and said, “Remember when all you wanted to do was suck my tits dry and fuck my brains out?”
To which I replied, “Yeah, and apparently I was successful.”
I DID mention that she is my ex, right?