The Crap We Missed – Friday 9.4.15

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, which is bookended by Jordan Carver. She’s just been added to my Instagram rotation, because Sara Underwood made her breasts known to me, so Sara Underwood is the second coming of Christ. I’m not kidding, someone should check her for stigmata. Crystal Hefner tried to pull this off with Julia Gilas, which came close, but I recognized it for the Satanic parlor trick that it was. You’ll never own my soul, Crystal, I know you’ve eaten porridge right out of the horned goat’s asshole. Changed his diaper and everything afterwards. Enjoy your holiday, everyone!

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram