The Crap We Missed – Friday 9.30.11

September 30th, 2011 // 552 Comments

If this is a brochure for your school, now would be a good time to dropout and focus on how you’re going to wage emotional revenge on your parents over the next 20 years for sending you there because clearly they hate you.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you early because there’s literally nothing going on and, well, it’s Friday. So here’s the long and short of it: The Munchkin Guild instructs Jay Z to tell Gwyneth Paltrow her children’s garments have been rendered – and maybe drive her to the Piggly Wiggly, Orlando Bloom still can’t believe all this only cost him his first born son on his fifth birthday (They stop being cute after that anyway.) and the saddest moment in David Hasselhoff‘s entire life. I’m talking one of his daughters could die and he’d be like, “Remember when I couldn’t get a burger? Now that’s emotional turmoil that shakes you to very core.”

Attention all nerds who know who Vampirella is, you’ll need some spare Underoos handy,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, Mister. I’ve got 87¢ and I aim to spend every damn penny of it!”

  2. Christina Ricci Bathrobe
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oops, excuse me. I could have sworn I actually had clothing on.”

  3. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    whos the roughest of em all?
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does the enforcer’s hand remind me of the hamburger helpers four finger mascot?

    Why do I pick on the enforcer you ask? maybe I have a crush.

  4. Mickey "the Duke " O' Shaunessy

    “oh , I’d love to be an Oscar Meyer wiener , That is what i’d really like to be ….”

  5. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr Runway
    Haddo01
    Commented on this photo:

    Smug bastard

  6. boy

    i’d hit it twice a week

  7. *_* niccc

    Great miranda kerr maybe she want me.

  8. What a pig

    Oink, oink, SQUEEEL!!!

  9. 50 Cent Headphones
    Fitty
    Commented on this photo:

    Finally, a black guy who’s not wearing Beats by Fucking Dre headphones.

  10. Kesha
    Rittle Wayne
    Commented on this photo:

    OK, you a goon, but what’s a goon to a goblin?

  11. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    Can everyone PLEASE do me the favor and focus on her HAND!!!! It looks her height and her hands are the only things that stayed the same since she was born!

  12. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Aud
    Commented on this photo:

    “Are You Smarter Than a 500-lb Piece of #%&! ?”

  13. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Dishhonor
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is up with her legs.. So fuckin’ short and ugly. Makes drumsticks on a chicken look long and slender.

  14. Bruce La Fluerre

    Short cumbucket

  15. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Deep Thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Why doesn’t anyone on Jersey Shore have a torso?

  16. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    mememe
    Commented on this photo:

    This week’s episode of “Fifth-graders Are Most Definitely Smarter than a Jersey Whore”.

  17. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Vice Magnet
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what happens when your mom drinks while she is pregnant with you.

  18. Kesha
    Kiroux
    Commented on this photo:

    See, even Ke$ha would like to pee on Kim Kardashian.

  19. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    mimi
    Commented on this photo:

    Anybody want to smell my shitty ass

  20. Prince William
    Bouncy Castle, London, UK
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually, he did an extremely long air-sea-rescue shift before he went to the children’s hospital.

    If you want to spit bile at any of them, spit it at Andrew.

  21. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Funeral Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is there a picture of a woman with a pig on her lap?

  22. Harry Connick Jr
    NanoVan
    Commented on this photo:

    Jerry Lewis has never looked better.

  23. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Mandi
    Commented on this photo:

    DHARMA?!

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