If this is a brochure for your school, now would be a good time to dropout and focus on how you’re going to wage emotional revenge on your parents over the next 20 years for sending you there because clearly they hate you.
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you early because there’s literally nothing going on and, well, it’s Friday. So here’s the long and short of it: The Munchkin Guild instructs Jay Z to tell Gwyneth Paltrow her children’s garments have been rendered – and maybe drive her to the Piggly Wiggly, Orlando Bloom still can’t believe all this only cost him his first born son on his fifth birthday (They stop being cute after that anyway.) and the saddest moment in David Hasselhoff‘s entire life. I’m talking one of his daughters could die and he’d be like, “Remember when I couldn’t get a burger? Now that’s emotional turmoil that shakes you to very core.”
Attention all nerds who know who Vampirella is, you’ll need some spare Underoos handy,
- The Superficial
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They have tables to eat at in there so it really isn’t the Hoff’s kind of burger joint.
Damn, my dick is longer than one of her legs. Stubby McStumpStump.
Bangs. Excellent choice.
“COME ON! They would totally open up for me in Germany.”
“Thanks ever so much for allowing me to live a life of luxury without having to actually work! I feel like Paris Hilton…”
a) The public don’t really pay very much tax for the support of the royals (something minimal like 80 pence per month).
b) He does work, as an RAF rescue helicopter pilot – which means that he probably works much harder than you, and is much more of an asset to society than what you are, my Seppo friend.
an asset society my ass. I hope to shit you are british because americans should have quit giving a shit about these inbred assholes in 1776.
He’s not really British, but a German kraut. The royal family changed their name to Windsor because their really last name, Mountbatten, sounded to Germanic.
More to the point they changed their name to Windsor from Hanover and this waste of space’s grandmother is 255/256 German. I do not , by the way, consider flying coast guard helicopters to be anything but tax supported labour for the idle rich. I stand by my original statement about these worthless turds whose time has passed…
Most Brits are of Germanic origin so it’s a moot point.
hi Pippa.
Look, y’all, I don’t come to Superficial to learn anything.
The Royals draw in a significant amount of foreign tourist dollars, so they may be a positive net investment. Take away the Beefeaters, Buckingham palace and other Royal bric a brac and there’s not much iconic imagery to draw upon.
I give a million more fucks about the goddamn KC Royals than anything those blue blood assholes are doing.
I’m not sure why having a German heritage is a problem? In any case, try Googling “Anglia”, my Seppo friends. I guess someone who risks his life rescuing people out of the ocean really is less of an asset to society than some fat, opinionated Seppo bastard who lives in his mother’s basement.
At least I can sit my fat opinionated bastard ass in my mom’s basement without a lifetime of having my pillows fluffed and my balls cupped on the taxpayer’s dime.
go brush your teeth, limey cunt.
I think I love you, Richard. Is there a Mrs. McBeef?
“Is there a Mrs McBeef?”… ha ha ha ha ha *wipes tear from eye*… Actually, there is a Mrs McBeef – she’s an old gym sock. Listen you ignorant Seppo prick, let me spell it out for you: PRINCE WILLIAM DOES NOT EARN A SALARY FOR HIS ROYAL DUTIES. He does nothing “on the taxpayer’s dime”, as you put it in your charming rustic Seppo manner. You Yanks, on the other hand, have got all your priorities right when it comes to “the taxpayer’s dimes” – that’s why your country hasn’t defaulted on its gigantic debt…
hahahahaha! It’s NOT a cookie, Motha’… It’s FRUIT and CAKE.
Well, now I know what “Seppo” means, anyway. Britishy!
I don’t, what does Seppo mean?
Every woman there is trying to burn her with their eyes.
Apparently they have a lot of Taggers in Rio….
“Jolly good show. Pip pip. Cheerio old mate.”
Look at the catty bitch stares from Chelsea Handler and her equally ugly friend back there. It would be in her best interest to not go to places where attractive women can be found.
Not enough wrinkle-face to be Chelsea Handler. I was going to say Kim Basinger.
“Welcome to my crib…”
“I just shit myself….”
Why the long face?
I knew she was lazy but to be photographed actually “Fucking the Dog” in the middle of the business day is just careless…
It looks like he’s elbowing all the ladies around him saying, “See? See that? That’s what I stick my dick into!”
To be honest, I’d probably be smiling, too.
That dolphin is relieved that he isn’t the gayest thing at Sea World today.
If I had strange little troll fingers I’d try to distract people with my foot tattoos as well.
Yes this is Crap, But I did NOT miss it.
Another freakishly tall NBA player…
the shoot was for an PSA about those one piece school desk/chairs and the fat girls who can’t fit in them
Geez, her ass looked great from the back but now it looks like she’s got balls.
It’s because she was crushing walnuts between her asscheeks when the picture was taken.
Balls but no dick? Must be a Republican.
You’ve never actually been with a woman, have you?
“That’s what I sound like?”
Is that Joe Pesci in the back? Does Miranda Kerr amuse him? Is she like a clown to him?
“Finally, a nun I can relate to!”
Bad casting. Everyone knows that all women in the ’60s had great racks.
She used to have a fantastic rack…then she became retarded and got rid of it.
Vanishing Ricci curvature! Ho ho ho and Goodnight.
“Geez, I just ot a whiff of Chris Brown’s ass!!!”
That can’t be Christina Ricci, Christina Ricci is only 5 feet tall
She’s using Dinklage’s trailer.
“Why yes, that is my grammy on the money . . .”
“Hey! Do you have a burger that tastes like floor? No? Damnit. Let’s roll, posse!”
“No really it was a gift! Shoplifting? Never!”
Flipper is about to be introduced to buggery.
WTF?
I think the herpes is starting to spread. You may want to go check that out.
dumb whores don’t know nothing about no trigger discipline
I thought he was the vampire, not the werewolf.
He’s taking a leaf from Michael Sheen, who’s played both: first a werewolf in the Underworld movies, and then a vampire in The Damned United.
“What?? Jimmy Kimmel has a better car than me???”
“Perrier. Do you not have fucking Perrier?”
Yeah. That “coffee” was totally vodka.
I’d watch that porno.
Delicate flower…. and so demure…
Aren’t you supposed to wash you hair before you shoot commercials?
That’s definitely a wig that hasn’t been brushed out.
I-nailed-Chelsea-Handler? face.
beat me to it.
That’s right, keep going. You’re far more relevant with your top off.
Hmmm, performing… or taking a dump on stage? It’s hard to tell which even when she’s not squatting down and grimacing.
Aaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . .
You took the Aaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy right out of my Coach Kline. Its hard not to picture him wearing red heels and stamping his foot…”I hate him I hate him I hate him”
Oh, snap! When did I eat THAT?!?
She annoys me. I wish I wanted to screw her less.
Pictures like this should help with that
Ditto. She turns me on, and I hate myself for it. She posted a video of herself talking about her hair, and she was utterly fuckable…
Jeez, between this guy and Pattinson, there must be a douchebag convention in Canada.
“You talkin’ to me, bitches?”
Now THAT’S a well-shaven bush.
Y’know, for a guy who doesn’t have to give a shit, he looks pretty genuine.
He does actually have to say…
Quick, what’s a half and three fifths?
Giving a hundred and ten percent.