The Crap We Missed – Friday 9.30.11

September 30th, 2011 // 552 Comments

If this is a brochure for your school, now would be a good time to dropout and focus on how you’re going to wage emotional revenge on your parents over the next 20 years for sending you there because clearly they hate you.

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you early because there’s literally nothing going on and, well, it’s Friday. So here’s the long and short of it: The Munchkin Guild instructs Jay Z to tell Gwyneth Paltrow her children’s garments have been rendered – and maybe drive her to the Piggly Wiggly, Orlando Bloom still can’t believe all this only cost him his first born son on his fifth birthday (They stop being cute after that anyway.) and the saddest moment in David Hasselhoff‘s entire life. I’m talking one of his daughters could die and he’d be like, “Remember when I couldn’t get a burger? Now that’s emotional turmoil that shakes you to very core.”

Attention all nerds who know who Vampirella is, you’ll need some spare Underoos handy,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Oh Hell No

    Why couldn’t THIS be CRAP WE MISSED???

    • Karl

      GROSS….FAT SHORT STUBBY LEGS AREN OT ATTRACTIVE….PLEASE NEVER DO THIS AGAIN…ONLY LONG SLIM SLENDER LEGS IN MINI DRESSES PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD!!!

      • Tootles

        Agree. Her fat short chunky legs are gross looking. Doesn’t help that she’s a 4 ft tall orange leprechaun with a man’s jaw and no lips. The douchebags that sleep with her must be completely desperate.

      • Karl

        Im not sure why people are trying to sway what we think attractive is…sorry MEDIA snooky type bodies , short and stubby legs are NOT attractive…tall, slim women only please!

      • Clarence Beeks

        I am definitely with you on her legs being gross, but don’t you all find her face more offensive?

  2. Amanda Seyfried Hugging Dog
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    An embrace for lovers…. oh wait….

  3. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    General Disarray
    Commented on this photo:

    Um….I want one!

  4. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    When you said “The Crap We Missed”, I didn’t realize you were going to post a pic of an actual piece of crap.

  5. Amanda Seyfried Hugging Dog
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Relp! Ri don’t rant to be ruffed and rounted! Roh Rod, relp me!”

  6. David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    ugh.
    we all know where this is going.

  7. 50 Cent Headphones
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    You can tell by the wince that he just got shot three more times while he was taking the garbage out.

  8. Elton John David Furnish Dolphin
    dude!
    Commented on this photo:

    ” . . .with his husband” Guess that is their “kid”?? Poor little guy . . . . . .

  9. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmm, it’s barely lunchtime and we’re already missing crap? Somebody wants to get the hell out of the office fast; I know I do.

  10. Robert Pattinson Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Thanks again O’s for sending the redsux home in tears :DDDDD
    GO YANKEES!!!!!!!

  11. Robert Pattinson Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Big Ben, this here’s rubber duck. Looks like we got ourselves a convoy.

  12. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    And somewhere in cyberspace, Adrienne Curry is posting dozens of topless pictures of herself to try to win back her nerd fans.

  13. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Gutsmack
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s just asking for a “lip” slip.

  14. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr Runway
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he’s trying to get the underskirt shot.

  15. Shia LaBeouf Smoking
    Trixie
    Commented on this photo:

    Of course he would smoke a cigarette this way.

  16. Robert Pattinson Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Wolverine’s let himself go.

  17. It really is a shame that these girls have beautiful faces and cute personalities but have to cloud that with twenty pounds of makeup, hooker clothes, excessive drinking, and just being skanks in general. With all the exposure this show has gotten over the past two years or however long it’s been on, you’d think they’d hire a stylist.

    • Obi Wan Kenobi

      You’re so right. Apart from them having beautiful faces and cute personalities. Other than that you’re spot on.

    • Tootles

      Which one has the beautiful face? Snookie and her melting nose and non existent lips or Deana and with her man jaw? Cute personalities? Are you serious?

    • Clarence Beeks

      WHO has a beautiful face? Not even JWoww, and she is the only semi-attractive one.

    • lily

      beautiful faces???!?!? what planet are you on. theyre all disgusting leather faced oompa loompas. and theyre all fat.

  18. Kesha
    Panty Bear
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let me tell you about some amazing products we have this season…”

  19. Elton John David Furnish Dolphin
    Commented on this photo:

    now THAT’S how you suck one, brown!

  20. Amanda Seyfried Hugging Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    can’t wait to mount you next..

  21. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr Runway
    mcdoubler
    Commented on this photo:

    even he cant believe hes married to her.

  22. Amanda Seyfried Hugging Dog
    Panty Bear
    Commented on this photo:

    And THAT’S what happens when your boyfriend continues to spread his love elsewhere.

  23. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    Sideboob and underbutt… the perfect combination.

  24. Alex Pettyfer Greasy Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    I am number enema.

  25. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    Nasty asteroid. Please don’t show Uranus.

  26. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Beatriz
    Commented on this photo:

    Photoshopped, and a bad job at it! She doesn’t know how to read.

  27. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s not how you shoot a commercial, knucklehead

  28. Henry Winkler Penguins SeaWorld
    Jill
    Commented on this photo:

    I will never in my life know the sheer joy shown in this picture.

  29. Jay Z Midget
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate how Jigga looks down on other people.

  30. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Commented on this photo:

    yeah point it by ur face with a finger on the trigger… women…

  31. David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
    Commented on this photo:

    “Giff me onna them cheesh burgers…”

  32. Robert Pattinson Scruffy Beard
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    I saw someone saying something earlier about Robert Pattinson’s beard. I assumed they were talking about Kristen Stewart.

  33. 50 Cent Headphones
    Commented on this photo:

    Tony Yayo is knocking at the back door

  34. Elton John David Furnish Dolphin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Lookada Willy!”

  35. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Rahm Obama
    Commented on this photo:

    I actually think she looks quite fuckable here.

  36. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Commented on this photo:

    Your clothes.. give them to me, now!

  37. Paula Labaredas Vampirella Meltdown Comics
    Commented on this photo:

    Vampirella, very nicely done Fish.

  38. Christina Ricci Bathrobe
    hmna
    Commented on this photo:

    Where did they get the wig to fix her fivehead?

  39. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    celebutard
    Commented on this photo:

    Well would you look at that – herpes of the feet!

  40. Kesha
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh oh, the first row better be careful, she’s getting ready to pounce.

  41. Elton John David Furnish Dolphin
    MarkM
    Commented on this photo:

    And THAT’S how Dolphin AIDS began.

  42. Kanye West
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s horrified because the whole airport didn’t shut down just for him.

  43. Marion Cotillard
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    That look of intense concentration is because she’s trying not to “Paris-Lindsey” everyone.

  44. Marion Cotillard
    Dick
    Commented on this photo:

    HO HO HO! MERRY DOUCHE-HAT! !!!

  45. Orlando Bloom Miranda Kerr Runway
    Commented on this photo:

    What a douchnozzle.

    A real man would come in drunk, yell something offensive at the crown and then take a dump on the runway.

    This idiot has been taking pussy lessons from Brad Pitt.

  46. David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
    celebutard
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, thers a guy in ther that looks zactly like me that can’t get a burger either!”

  47. 50 Cent Headphones
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s having difficulty with his diction instructional CD.

  48. Deena Cortese Minidress Legs
    Richard McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    The photo shoot must be for the Orange Slut Academy alumni magazine

  49. Henry Winkler Penguins SeaWorld
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s OK to jump a penguin, right?”

  50. David Hasselhoff Burger Joint
    Frank The Duck
    Commented on this photo:

    “Whippersnapper!” “I’ll teach you to impersonate the Hoff!”

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