The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.23.13

August 23rd, 2013 // 420 Comments

Welcome to an unusually large Friday edition of The Crap We Missed. Normally, by the end of the week, my crippling alcholism basically consumes my every waking minute therefore tanking any productivity there isn’t a ton of stuff for TCWM and this gallery is a little light. Well, consider today the exception to that rule, and by exception I of course mean Cesar Milan AND Milla Jovovich each lovingly caressing two totally different sculptural elephant trunks as though they were penises. That’s right. Separately, 1,817 miles from each other (You’re goddamn right I Google-mapped that shit.), they independently decided to stick their faces next to an elephant trunk, because huge dicks are hilarious. I feel like I can finally explain to people what it is I do for a living.

“Ok, yes it’s mostly tits and that part’s key. But, you know how sometimes something will look like a dick, so you pretend to suck it while someone takes a picture? I put all that together and post it to the Internet.” (Hi Mom and Dad!)

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Michele McLaughlin Cooper Hefner Kara Monaco Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    Why do I have the feeling this guy’s about to tell me how he made millions buying real estate in foreclosure and that I can, too?

    “Come to my seminar!”

  2. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly the remnants of an interracial gangbang.

    Okay, likely interspecies.

    -Possibly interplanetary…

  3. Courtney Love Taking Off Blouse Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Stop pretending you still have a hymen, Chelsea!

  4. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, this is the scene where she gets raped.

    No, she still has no idea. We told her the script’s not done yet.

  5. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Think of the money, think of the money, think of the money, think of the money, …

  6. David Spade Kmart Hat Random Chick
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Now he’s taking just advantage of blind girls instead of just telling them he’s that guy from Styx or Dana Carvey

  7. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    No, those head-shop hippie deodorant crystals do not really work.

    Now go wash up and change your pants or that 4-day poon-stank is gonna turn that mop into an afro by the time you hit Herald Square.

    Yes, poon-stank is both an environmentally-responsible and avant-garde way to curl your own hair, dude but seriously.

  8. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Steve Vai looks great with shorter hair.

  9. Robin Williams Sarah Michelle Gellar The Crazy Ones Set
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait, what the fu*k are Clarence Thomas and Jessie Helms doing together with the laugh-o-meter, ballet dancing through Julliard speaking in Russian accents, and small children hunching over like old men, poking fingers through their glasses where the lenses should be?

    That is Nowhere on the goddamned script, Robin!

    Just. Read. Your. Lines. And stop freebasing 1987!”

    “Ooooh, Freebasing! Yess! It’s like, Ohh… It’s not free. It costs you your house! They should call it homebasing. Wait, guess what Ghandi said when he met Yakov Smirnoff for the first time,…”

    cut.

  10. Jerry Ferrara Pissed Off Screaming
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why did you take my money if you’re not going to blow me?”

  11. Snooki Scared On Rollercoaster
    Commented on this photo:

    Please stop…That’s not a toilet.

  12. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    Commented on this photo:

    Look for this picture on you next box of rice.

  13. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    knowing many many professional caricature artists, I can say with some authority that that is a terrible caricature and I would expect more from a place that has that as part of their rep. stinko. Artist, go back and learn what notes to hit cuz you hit all the others.

  14. Birdman Lil Wayne BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “After this, let’s go to my place in the Hamptons.”

  15. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “FLIP FLOPS AREN’T FORMAL SHOES!”
    “Fuck you anonymous shouting crowd person.”

  16. Michele McLaughlin Cooper Hefner Kara Monaco Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    “We have daddy issues!”

  17. Maria Menounos Butt Tight Skirt Ziyi Zhang Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ziyi. Can you make some kind of stereotypical pose for us?”
    “How’s this?”

  18. Maria Menounos Butt Tight Skirt Ziyi Zhang Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m starting to think Maria is camera shy. Thank goodness her ass isn’t.

  19. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Daisy Duke with a reverse tramp stamp.

  20. Cesar Milan Hugging Elephant Trunk
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s cool!!!

  21. Julianne Hough Butt Yoga Pants
    Robb7
    Commented on this photo:

    #1 ass in Hollywood!! That ass could have changed Seacrest, but the dude was scared.

  22. Maria Menounos Butt Tight Skirt Ziyi Zhang Extra
    Robb7
    Commented on this photo:

    Truly a Greek treasure. Again, don’t EVER let her laugh.

  23. David Beckham Riding Carousel With His Kids Disneyland
    cubiccubism
    Commented on this photo:

    Life imitates art or is it art imitates life… Kevin Connolly is in Beckham’s entourage.

  24. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    …Aaaand Bollywood dance number breaks out in 3…2…

  25. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    This is why you never attend an orgy for bronies. Well, one of the reasons.

  26. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    Commented on this photo:

    Gargamel and Barbie in “Everything I Hated About the 80s.” Sweet.

  27. Courtney Love Taking Off Blouse Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Venus di MiLord, what the hell is going on with her face?

  28. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mr. Gooding, we’d like to ask you to appear at –”

    “I’LL DO IT!”

  29. Robin Williams Sarah Michelle Gellar The Crazy Ones Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Sarah just became nostalgic about working with Matthew Lillard and a talking CGI dog.

  30. Jamie Campbell Bower The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like he thought the script said “City of Boners” and just signed on immediately.

  31. Michele McLaughlin Cooper Hefner Kara Monaco Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    This looks like a “before” picture of a tragic accident, except I might be overselling the “tragic” part.

  32. Maria Menounos Butt Tight Skirt Ziyi Zhang Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then my character starts flying for no damn good reason except to confuse American audiences.”

  33. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Commented on this photo:

    She does bring a certain amount of gravitass to the role of “Miss Butt Brazil.”

  34. Ben Kingsley Turban Dark Beard Learning To Drive Set
    Commented on this photo:

    SPOILER WARNING-
    thats not ben kingsley.
    its an actor pretending to be ben kingsley.

  35. Rihanna Nipples No Bra Pot Leaf Purse
    Commented on this photo:

    you know it’s fall weather when Rihanna covers her nipples and lady nest when heading out in public.

  36. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    rug camo–allows stars to quickly evade the paparazzi by laying down. smart!

  37. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Blob
    Commented on this photo:

    “Fly, magic carpet, Fly!”

  38. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    stucco
    Commented on this photo:

    You never go full cage.

  39. Kirsten Dunst Cleavage Nipples Huge Boobs Sweaty Workout Clothes
    Drundel
    Commented on this photo:

    Check out Melancholia, she has some nice tits.

  40. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    Commented on this photo:

    This is like Dorian Gray in reverse.

  41. Birdman Lil Wayne BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    This is one of the few times the phrase “money didn’t change him” is actually a bad thing.

  42. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    It took me a while to get a post up for this. His jacket gave me a seizure the first time I saw it.

  43. Robin Williams Sarah Michelle Gellar The Crazy Ones Set
    Commented on this photo:

    God, I hope this is another classic Williams stream-of-consciousnesses riff! It’s like comedy only more annoying and without the funny.

  44. Jesse Jackson Bill Cosby Shaking Hands Bens Chili Bowl 55th Anniversary
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    I smell Buddy Comedy!

  45. Jamie Campbell Bower The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    You squares. This guy is edgy. A rebel and an artist. He probably has a tattoo and everything.

    Of Cher.

  46. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Commented on this photo:

    Boyyoiyoing!

  47. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Scene from clown porn “Bozo bones big beefy Bitches volume 19″

  48. Eminem Orgasm Face Onstage Stade De France Paris
    Commented on this photo:

    UNLIMITED POWWWWWWWEERRRRRRRRR

  49. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey Jennifer, I know what you did last summer!”

  50. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    “You can tell me the truth… you used to be a dude, right?”

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