The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.23.13

August 23rd, 2013 // 420 Comments

Welcome to an unusually large Friday edition of The Crap We Missed. Normally, by the end of the week, my crippling alcholism basically consumes my every waking minute therefore tanking any productivity there isn’t a ton of stuff for TCWM and this gallery is a little light. Well, consider today the exception to that rule, and by exception I of course mean Cesar Milan AND Milla Jovovich each lovingly caressing two totally different sculptural elephant trunks as though they were penises. That’s right. Separately, 1,817 miles from each other (You’re goddamn right I Google-mapped that shit.), they independently decided to stick their faces next to an elephant trunk, because huge dicks are hilarious. I feel like I can finally explain to people what it is I do for a living.

“Ok, yes it’s mostly tits and that part’s key. But, you know how sometimes something will look like a dick, so you pretend to suck it while someone takes a picture? I put all that together and post it to the Internet.” (Hi Mom and Dad!)

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    Commented on this photo:

    As far as I can tell, that’s a caricature of any black man.

    I’m white.

  2. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    And I’ve seen worse spelling. [rimshot!]

  3. Michele McLaughlin Cooper Hefner Kara Monaco Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    I WON THE DNA LOTTERY!

  4. Juvenile Gold Grill BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, he’s rich!

    Cause that’s what really rich people do, is put gold and jewels in their mouth! I see it all the time in the Hamptons

  5. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Lady Gaga’s, on the right, taking a photo of her wax model.

  6. Birdman Lil Wayne BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    (inhales deeply)

    Ahhh! Diversity !

  7. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Good. She’s finally learned to tone down her make-up.

  8. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Guards! Take her to my dungeon!!!

  9. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Your move, Lady Gaga.

  10. Julianne Hough Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Help Ma Boab – that’s a fine body.

  11. Kirsten Dunst Cleavage Nipples Huge Boobs Sweaty Workout Clothes
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    You all can talk about snaggleteeth until your blue in the face, but for some reason Floppy McSaggy Boobs will always have a special place in my heart..

  12. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    JungleRed
    Commented on this photo:

    Clown porn is an untapped market.

  13. Harry Dean Stanton Smoking Cigarette Drinking Whiskey Portrait Session
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s MacGyver?!?! Jesus, the years have not been kind!

  14. Harry Dean Stanton Smoking Cigarette Drinking Whiskey Portrait Session
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought he was already dead.

  15. Jerry Ferrara Pissed Off Screaming
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone’s having a fit of the vapours.

  16. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    This is more like it.

  17. Ben Kingsley Turban Dark Beard Learning To Drive Set
    Ed
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats racist. He’s acting like a Paki.

  18. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    Commented on this photo:

    His hairline looks like Batman’s cowl.

  19. Snooki Scared On Rollercoaster
    Commented on this photo:

    Constipation’s a bitch.

  20. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing intimidates quite like the “Gandolfini eyes”

  21. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Why isn’t Sarah Jessica Parker mentioned in the caption? She’s a lot more famous than that slutty “butt” model.

  22. Ben Kingsley Turban Dark Beard Learning To Drive Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Let me guess…”a taxi”?

  23. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    Kel
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s up with the giant crystal horse dildo?

  24. Birdman Lil Wayne BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    they look employable.

  25. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck, I hope he’s gay

  26. Robin Williams Sarah Michelle Gellar The Crazy Ones Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Simmer down, Grandpa”

  27. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    The real one is the one with the huge penis. HAH, still can’t tell, can you?

  28. Jamie Campbell Bower The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Is everyone involved with this movie a complete asshat?

    Okay, I guess that was a stupid question.

  29. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Commented on this photo:

    needs more half of a louisville slugger.

  30. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Dickslapper
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh! Oh! Oh! Mr. Kotter!”

  31. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s really no reason to buy the man when you’re getting the baby batter for free.

  32. Robert Sheehan The Mortal Instruments City Of Bones Madrid Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    What must he have asked his tailor for?

    It must have been made to order, as who would make a suit like that thinking they could sell it.

  33. Harry Dean Stanton Smoking Cigarette Drinking Whiskey Portrait Session
    Commented on this photo:

    “Have you got the shot yet? I’ve got a spin class in twenty minutes.”

  34. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t get pregnant, she said”

  35. Snooki Scared On Rollercoaster
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    The roller coaster got stopped midway through and they were stuck on it. To make matters worse, eating all that scungilli had a disastrous effect of J-Woww’s bowels. Her flatuelence was so offensive that Snooki could literally taste it every time she passed gas.

  36. Lady Gaga Hoding Crystal Penis Posing With Fans
    MeanMrsMustard
    Commented on this photo:

    She keeps trying for a scarier look and I think she got something this time. Very Sex in the City there GaGa.

  37. Eminem Orgasm Face Onstage Stade De France Paris
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder what Beiber song he is covering here

  38. Jerry Ferrara Pissed Off Screaming
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, I did NOT use the ‘Jonah Hill Diet’!!”

  39. Juvenile Gold Grill BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    He couldn’t have picked a more appropriate rapper name

  40. Claudia Romani Butt Thong Love Your Curves Shirt
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    This famewhore is a one trick pony. Give me more photos of the papparazzo that is likely taking the pictures. She’s much better looking.

  41. Juvenile Gold Grill BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Gawd that’s nasty.

  42. Milla Jovovich Kissing Elephant Trunk Liverpool Fashion Fest Tour
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Should have cropped out the elephant head and gone for the Prometheus joke.

  43. Miss Butt Brazil Model Andressa Urach Bikini Sexy Magazine Shoot
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    I feel this one taking the hard-to-explain place where Coco resides in my fantasies.

  44. David Spade Kmart Hat Random Chick
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    If only he had been wearing Crocs, I think we could have legally shot him.

  45. Nicki Minaj Cleavage Bikini Body Paint Instagram
    Pickle Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    For some unexplainable reason, similar to Coco, I find myself drawn to this woman…

  46. Juvenile Gold Grill BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s a really odd name for someone so mature and making sound decisions about his life.

  47. Jesse Jackson Bill Cosby Shaking Hands Bens Chili Bowl 55th Anniversary
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on Jesse, be honest. Trayvon would have never been allowed in your neighborhood either, would he?

  48. David Beckham Riding Carousel With His Kids Disneyland
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well son, now that you’ve had a cold, lifeless animal between your legs, you know what it’s like to be married to your mother”

  49. Cuba Gooding Jr Holding Caricature Sardis
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    “And this is what I’d look like if my eyes weren’t so damn close together!”

  50. John Cusack Menacing Look Elizabeth Banks Smiling
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    A rom-com from a Stanley Kubrick?

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