The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.22.14

August 22nd, 2014 // Leave a Comment

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which I’m slapping together as fast as humanly possible while we’re still up until Sandy Brown and The Yawning Clam inevitably roll us under again. So here’s Joe Jonas at a churrascaria, a place where you shove an unending supply of meat into your face until you beg them to stop bringing it, so heaven, he’s in heaven. Then there’s Josh Brolin responding to the question “How’d you think Oldboy came out?” and jesus christ another vagina flash?! *watches smoke pour out of USB ports*

Tell my family I love them and if you guys tell them exactly what “digital publishing” I was involved with I swear I’ll haunt you so hard,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News

superficial

  1. Nicki Minaj Spider Woman Buttcrack String Thong Instagram
    P. Francis
    Commented on this photo:

    At this point she just seems squirmingly constipated.

  2. Tom Cruise Sweaty Confused Look Mission Impossible 5 Set Vienna
    Andy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t lie to me. You were the one who whispered “saggy boobs.” Now tell us all what you meant.”

  3. Jennette McCurdy Cleavage See Through Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a chubby Aniston.

  4. Nicki Minaj Spider Woman Buttcrack String Thong Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    ♬Spider Pig…Spider Pig…does whatever a Spider Pig does….♬

    Like shoot webs of Hep C out of her ass

  5. Hayley Hasselhoff OK! TV Pre Awards Party Honoring Emmy Nominees
    Commented on this photo:

    Does Steven Segal know you raid his wardrobe?

  6. Joe Jonas At Brazillian Steakhouse With Dude
    karen
    Commented on this photo:

    “I misssss her ssso much, is that sssilly? By the by, you have the nicesssest eyessss!”

  7. Coco Butt Thong String Bikini Squat Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    is there a deformed whale fetish I’m not aware of?

  8. Joe Jonas At Brazillian Steakhouse With Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    I love these Brazilian steakhouses

  9. Aisleyne Horgan Wallace Vagina Flash Upskirt Cleavage Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously, there’s nothing like a UK-famewhore.
    And, by nothing, I mean they usually comes with an English accent.

  10. Josh Brolin Screaming Daughter Eden Sin City A Dame To Kill For Photocall
    karen
    Commented on this photo:

    In a window straight ahead he can see a reflection of her ass in those pants.

  11. Goldie Hawn Nipples Cleavage See Through Tank Top Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    *makes the Jetson’s spaceship sound as she leaves*

  12. Tom Cruise Sweaty Confused Look Mission Impossible 5 Set Vienna
    Commented on this photo:

    Mission Impossible 5: Try Not to Be Gay

  13. Dwayne The Rock Johnson Riding Chariot Hercules European Premiere Berlin
    P. Francis
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dwayne do you like movies about gladiators?”

  14. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Kanye Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    So, after worshipping Leo for a solid two years, his new god is… Fez?

  15. Joe Jonas At Brazillian Steakhouse With Dude
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    “Would the sirs, who definitely aren’t on a date, care for some pepper?”

  16. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Kanye Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    King Gut

  17. Coco Butt Thong String Bikini Squat Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Who rolled Minaj in flour?

  18. Crystal Hefner Cleavage Unicorn Instaram
    Commented on this photo:

    Hef: Where the hell is my strap on, bitch?

  19. Emily Ratajkowski Cleavage Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    … Wish I had enough money to be allow to try to ruin that body.

  20. Thomas Ian Nicholas Red Face Awkward Stance OK! TV Pre Awards Party Honoring Emmy Nominees
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wish I coulda fucked a pie”

  21. Goldie Hawn Nipples Cleavage See Through Tank Top Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Melanie Griffith finally got that Antonio tattoo taken care of but, nope….wrong ol’ lady.

  22. Kate Moss Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    what I’m gathering from this is that my Aunt Mary, with her barrel body and unremarkable face, could be a supermodel.

  23. Josh Brolin Screaming Daughter Eden Sin City A Dame To Kill For Photocall
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    Daddy, stop making Robin Williams jokes!

  24. Jeremy Renner Derpface
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking for spinach.

  25. Lady Gaga Butt Fishnets Being Held Up By Fans
    karen
    Commented on this photo:

    Correction: Lady Gaga and Lena Dunham in Melbourne, Australia.

  26. Dwayne The Rock Johnson Riding Chariot Hercules European Premiere Berlin
    Commented on this photo:

    Dwayne Johnson, Sarah Jessica Parker, AND Hilary Swank? That’s quite the cast!

  27. Jennette McCurdy Cleavage See Through Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Sturdy McCurdy.

  28. Maitland Ward Cleavage Foam Chainsaw Sharknado 2 The Second One LA Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s forget about this photo for a minute, and ask the real puzzling thing about this event:
    why is there a L.A. premiere for a TV-movie that has been release almost a month ago?

  29. Jennette McCurdy Cleavage See Through Tank Top
    P. Francis
    Commented on this photo:

    PIcture taken right after she said “no, I won’t do topless, you have to focus on my acting talent.”

  30. Maitland Ward Cleavage Foam Chainsaw Sharknado 2 The Second One LA Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess how you can tell she’s never used a real chainsaw?

  31. Crystal Hefner Cleavage Unicorn Instaram
    Commented on this photo:

    She finally wrangled the elusive dildocorn.

  32. Rihanna Butt Torn Daisy Dukes Watching Chris Brown Play In Summer Classic Charity Game
    Commented on this photo:

    Ladies and Gentlemen… Boys and girls….
    Tonight’s event is brought to you by Norman’s knuckle ice packs. Norman’s, for when she wouldn’t shut up.

    In this corner, weighing in at 110 without hair extensions, hailing from Barbados and standing at 5’4″, Rihaaaaaana

    In this corner, weighing in at 170 lbs of pure woman-beating cowardice, hailing from wherever and standing at 5’10″ without the bitch blonde hair we have Chris “I only fight women” Browwwwn!!

  33. Kate Moss Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Her underwater name is Kate Barnacle.

  34. Jeremy Renner Derpface
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry sir, only real super heroes beyond this point

  35. Dwayne The Rock Johnson Riding Chariot Hercules European Premiere Berlin
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    Take my advice. Do not go on the Caligula ride! It starts out fun at the very beginning, but oh boy will you regret it by the end!

  36. Jennette McCurdy Cleavage See Through Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Classic buttaface.

  37. Jennette McCurdy Cleavage See Through Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Good effort, PhotoBoy.

  38. Crystal Hefner Cleavage Unicorn Instaram
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you tell that this was posted right after her in-house Photoshopper stumbled upon Hugh’s corpse & ran screaming from the mansion?

  39. Lady Gaga Butt Fishnets Being Held Up By Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure, the one on the right may be helping her stand but has she offered some of that tie-dye material to cover Gaga up? No….

  40. Jeremy Renner Derpface
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    And I called my fence company “The Andy Gump Fence Company.” And Captain Dan even helped me put up the fences.

  41. Michelle Lewin Bikini Humping Dude In Hammock
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Mighty moobs shares his bottle of bismuth.

  42. Aisleyne Horgan Wallace Vagina Flash Upskirt Cleavage Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I spy puss.

  43. Tom Cruise Sweaty Confused Look Mission Impossible 5 Set Vienna
    Commented on this photo:

    Say what you want, the dude makes good movies. All the MI movies apart from 2 have been very good. “Edge of Tomorrow” was excellent.

    • Yeah I think Tom gets a bad rap. He’s awesome and has been entertaining us for decades.

    • itz

      I think most of his movies suck balls – but EoT redeems them all. It was a freakin’ awesome movie, one of the best, most intelligent actioners of the last 25 years. The fact that it made about 10% of what Transformers 4 did is another testament to our stupidity as a species.

      • Short Round

        Loved EoT. First film since Collateral I truly enjoyed. But I always wondered about the generic title. From the start I thought ‘Live Die Repeat’ would have been much better. Glad to hear the DVD release wil basically rename the film as such.

  44. Irina Shayk Side Boob Hercules European Premiere Berlin
    Commented on this photo:

    Sir, if you’re looking at the camera and not somewhere else, I have some bad news for you…

  45. Goldie Hawn Nipples Cleavage See Through Tank Top Yoga Pants
    FarrahAbrahamsDaughter
    Commented on this photo:

    WHY WON’T L.A. PASS AN ORDNANCE SETTING AN AGE LIMIT ON YOGA PANTS??????

  46. Michelle Lewin Bikini Humping Dude In Hammock
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let me rub my skin cancer on you.”

  47. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Kanye Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the Jonah Hill every takeout place in LA knows and loves.

  48. Emily Ratajkowski Cleavage Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on. Come on. This isn’t fair any more.

  49. Maitland Ward Cleavage Foam Chainsaw Sharknado 2 The Second One LA Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, I know she’s not a 10, but she’s not bad and she looks crazy enough to be great in the sack..

    To summarize, I’d hit that like the fucking Hand of God.

  50. Michelle Lewin Bikini Humping Dude In Hammock
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh to be a fly on the wall. Maybe they’re talking about Kurt Vonnegut’s “Timequake” and it’s themes of regret for choices made. Possibly it’s the morality of war in “Catch-22.” It could even be Gaiman’s “American Gods” with the idea of gods feeding off of human worship to survive.

    Or they’re talking about the best place in town to get your b-hole waxed.

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