The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.17.12

August 17th, 2012 // 526 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where we get to experience Jean-Claude Van Damme‘s liquid cream-filled, hard seed in real life this time (Hint: It’s right in his boner-region), the new David Beckham statue that the Obama Administration covertly commissioned to push their gay rights agenda, and for the love of God, someone please track down Marilyn Manson‘s dad and tell him his kid still needs that hug. I thought we were done with this shit a decade ago.

Speaking of terrible fathers, I’d like to thank whoever begat Rebecca Ferdinando and subsequently did whatever horrible thing that caused this sort of attention-seeking behavior. You, sir, are the reason I get to wear my jammies to work and I salute you,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Garcelle Beauvais Cleavage Sparkle Premiere
    Devilish Diva
    Commented on this photo:

    This woman will be 46 in November. She looks fantastic!

  2. Rose McGowan Cleavage
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice melons.

    Oh come on, you were going to say it too.

  3. Rebecca Ferdinando Cleavage Legs Minidress Total Recall Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Um…..”A” for effort?

  4. Fan In Underwear Posing With David Beckham Statue
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s clearly VERY excited to be there.

  5. Jessica Biel Butt Tight Dress
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    The lady on the right might just be experiencing a life-changing revelation.

  6. Jessica Biel Butt Tight Dress
    TheCynic
    Commented on this photo:

    Even a body that fine doesn’t completely distract from her face.

    • lily

      just curious….what is it about her face that you (and so many other people) think is ugly? i know she isnt talented, but i don’t get how people can think kim k or kate upton is better looking than this girl

      • Snack pack

        Hard to say exactly. Thing is, she isn’t ugly at all. But there is something not entirely appealing about it. Maybe her eyes are too far apart? Her smile/lips/cheeks seem plasticky. That nose looks hard. I get that I’m picking nits here, but you asked.

      • KV

        The bangs ! It’s those horrible bangs ! They make her look weird ! She should get rid of them ASAP ! It’s the fucking bangs !

      • Blech

        It’s not the bangs.

        I love her dress though.

      • KV

        Sorry it’s the bangs. They don’t fit the shape of her face. She always looked way better without them. Check it up.

      • anonymoose

        Skin-colored lips are hideous.
        The blankness of the smile, the blankness of the eyes, and the disproportionate teeth-to-chin ratio are not helping. And then, there’s the hair.

      • tlmck

        People that are into Kate and Kim, etc. are all about the tits and nothing but the tits. Does not matter what they are attached to.

      • Fannie Munch

        whaat?? I am a woman, 18 years old, and I think kim kardashian is the most beautifull woman in the world.
        and that’s because of her FACE. f**k her tits, mine looks the same. I even think her ass is waaay to big, but I still think she is the most beautifull woman I have ever seen!

      • TheCynic

        I’ve never thought Kim Lardassian was attractive, Upton is cute, though not beautiful.

        Biel has strange eyes and cheekbones IMO. Her hair doesn’t look good here, though it usually does. Of course she’s attractive compared to the average woman, but I’ve never found her to be one of the most beautiful women in H-Wood. If she were a B cup, no one would even know who she is.

      • Mama Pinkus

        too toothy – like a Cheshire cat

      • Axy

        Over inflayed snausage lip. She was so beautiful before.

  7. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    People generally wear make-up to make them more attractive.
    Works for Marilyn!

  8. Rebecca Ferdinando Cleavage Legs Minidress Total Recall Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s great, a dress that looks like one of Paris Hilton’s weird strappy bathing suits.
    You know a woman cannot sneeze, cough, laugh, sit or bend over in a dress like that without risk of everything popping out. It must have been a nerve wracking evening for those in her proximity.

  9. Jean-Claude Van Damme Boner Mario Lopez Extra
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    Mario: Dude! Wait until later to point your peener at me.

  10. Jane Krakowski Johnny Weir Tracy Morgan Jaguar Chill Ny Event
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Weir reminds me of a younger Alan Cumming…
    only wayyyyy gayer.

  11. Kate Beckinsale Butt Booty Shorts High Heels
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Flabbier than Biel.

    • Blech

      Prettier than Biel. No Julia Roberts mouth here.

    • Swearin

      I have seen Ms. Beckinsale in person when I worked the MTV movie awards, and I can tell you her body is F’ing tight. She had no body fat from where I was standing. But then again, that was over two months ago…

  12. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Kanye West Ice Cream
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    NO COMMENT.

    • Johnny P!

      Actually, come to think of it, NO COMMENT EVER on this human urinal, and no more comments period.

      Thanks to all you witty, clever and fearless commenters for all the laugh out loud moments and the quotables.

      Photoboy, you always know how to pick ‘em (even the hideous, crazy ones…)

      And finally, to quote Douglas Adams:
      “So long, and thanks for all the Fish!”

      Johnny P!

  13. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    He got FAT

  14. Katie Couric No Make Up Wrinkles
    CptCreep
    Commented on this photo:

    Amazing photograph… I mean to catch the exact moment before a dragon breaths fire… outstanding…

  15. Fan In Underwear Posing With David Beckham Statue
    mrsmass
    Commented on this photo:

    not sure why i felt compelled to zoom in, but i did.

  16. Fan In Underwear Posing With David Beckham Statue
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    That looks nothing like Bechkam. His hands are out of his pants.

  17. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Not just anybody can wear a bunch of black stuff and get a bad makeover.

  18. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    K-tron
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s mastered the art of contouring to create a jawline, but now he just needs to learn how to blend.

  19. Jordin Sparks Butt Tight Dress Sparkle Premiere
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    Everybody is doing the Kim K. pose.

  20. Nick Jonas Crotch Grab Softball
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Coach: “For the last time Nick: those aren’t the ‘softballs’ you’re supposed to be playing with!”

  21. Nick Jonas Crotch Grab Softball
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly he has wotch wickets.

  22. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    mrsmass
    Commented on this photo:

    sweet ligature marks.

  23. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Kanye West Ice Cream
    K-tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Huh. I would think that protecting her knees would be a higher priority.

  24. Sofia Vergara Butt Yoga Pants
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Very fit…

  25. Sofia Vergara Butt Yoga Pants
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    Very Nice…

  26. Jessica Biel Butt Tight Dress
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    I agree TheCynic, she’s got an unbelievable bod but her mouth looks like she’s wearing wax lips and her bangs suck balls.

    I think I just hate the, “poor me, I’m so beautiful everyone wants a piece of me, cant everyone just leave me alone?” attitude. Fvck her.

    • Carla

      Got to agree, and it’s a shame. Her face was just gorgeous before all that filler/collagen/whatever. She seems to have been getting over-filled since she’s been with Justin Timberlake. I hope he’s not the cause, like Ashton Doucher with January Jones, chipping away at her self-esteem. Seriously, if that’s the case she needs to dump that zero before she ends up looking like a prematurely aging (skin’s starting to show signs of over-tanning) tranny blow-up doll.

  27. Katie Couric No Make Up Wrinkles
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like her head’s making a break for it…

  28. Rose McGowan Cleavage
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s your fantasy? You wanna kiss Huey, Louie, Dewey or Daisy? She does ‘em all!

  29. Katie Couric No Make Up Wrinkles
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Old news.

  30. Sofia Vergara Butt Yoga Pants
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    Fan…

  31. Olivia Wilde Nipples Bra See Through Shirt
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Short arms.

  32. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Kanye West Ice Cream
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t believe she eats like this. Whenever I have a fro-yo that size, it just goes straight to my ass—oh.

    (OK, this would be funnier coming from a woman.)

  33. Carmen Electra Upskirt Panty Flash
    jackmehoff
    Commented on this photo:

    If you look closely you can see the herpes dripping out.

  34. Jessica Biel Butt Tight Dress
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    It ain’t easy being green
    Sometimes you’re put on ordinary things
    And it’s easy to think
    That no one loves you, when you’re not blue

    But green’s the color of spring
    And green is sometimes the king
    That gets put on very nice things

  35. Jessica Biel Butt Tight Dress
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell takes a picture of her, in THAT dress, from that angle…fool.

  36. Jean-Claude Van Damme Boner Mario Lopez Extra
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    Right now that girdle has more PSI on it than my SUV’s tire.

  37. Kate Beckinsale Butt Booty Shorts High Heels
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh dear…what happened to the Coke commercial Kate.

  38. Marilyn Manson Painted On Ligature Mark On Neck
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a neckbeard or dirt?

    Both, you say?

  39. Rebecca Ferdinando Cleavage Legs Minidress Total Recall Premiere
    K-tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Either she accidentally put her dress on backward, or her Dad didn’t pay enough attention to her as a child.

  40. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Kanye West Ice Cream
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    She does have a nice mouth*

    *May contain nuts

  41. Jane Krakowski Johnny Weir Tracy Morgan Jaguar Chill Ny Event
    Commented on this photo:

    Did he borrow that jacket from Grieco?

  42. Fan In Underwear Posing With David Beckham Statue
    PtC
    Commented on this photo:

    John Leguizamo has nothing better to do these days.

  43. Jordin Sparks Butt Tight Dress Sparkle Premiere
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a Hollywood queen tonight. But at midnight she turns back into a suspicious driver.

  44. Jordin Sparks Butt Tight Dress Sparkle Premiere
    Mr. Poop the 2nd
    Commented on this photo:

    what a big fat cow

  45. Jessica Gomes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The design is nice, but the bottoms are cut too high.

    (Oh no. Did the Beckham statue just turn me gay?)

    • Nahhh…you’re right. The rise (or whatever they call it…*whew*),/i> on that thing is way too high.

      Very nice, Jessica. Now take the fucking thing off…NOW!

      • oops…coding error:

        Nahhh…you’re right. The rise (or whatever they call it…*whew*) on that thing is way too high.

        Very nice, Jessica. Now take the fucking thing off…NOW!

  46. Kate Beckinsale Butt Booty Shorts High Heels
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Hotter, sexier and far more real than Jessica Biel.

    • Jill

      look at a photo of her from “Much ado about nothing”. She may be beautiful, and seemingly a really hilarious and awesome woman, but there is nothing about her looks that is “real”.

      • bigalkie

        But Jessica Biel looks like she was carved out of a block of wood.

      • Jill

        Yeah, agreed. I don’t get the Biel appeal at all, and Beckinsale is just a stunning woman. She’s just had some help along the way and then speaks publicly about not undergoing plastic surgery which hits a nerve with me. Just becuase your shit is well done doesn’t mean no one will notice you have a different face 20 years later and you can say whatever the hell you want.

      • Bigalkie

        Well Jill, I’ll accept that logic.. Kate does looks fun and interesting..Surgeries aside.

  47. Fan In Underwear Posing With David Beckham Statue
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Tom Cruise commission that hunky piece of shiny man art?

  48. Katie Couric No Make Up Wrinkles
    Rico Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Christ! Look at her face and hands. She looks like a sun dried hippie. Definitely sporting the weathered look.

  49. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Kanye West Ice Cream
    Mr. Poop the 2nd
    Commented on this photo:

    nice matching leather skirt and pants, douchebags

  50. Jane Krakowski Johnny Weir Tracy Morgan Jaguar Chill Ny Event
    EricLr
    Commented on this photo:

    Try to guess which one is most likely to get pregnant in the next year. You may be surprised.

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