The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.16.13

August 16th, 2013 // 399 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed that hopefully doesn’t sound too wasted since I accidentally polished off the six-pack of Zima I was gonna bring to this post‘s house. But it’s just about the weekend and 1DERECTIONFAN69 has some Snapchatting to do, so here’s today’s selections. We’ve got Luke Wilson about to experience the passionate thrill of that time your great aunt slipped you the tongue at Thanksgiving, Jonah Hill‘s BFFL, Val Kilmer about to pound some Cunth, and Kevin Smith dying of heatstroke.

“We just wanted to warn her about talking to strangers online,” Fish and I will one day say in a deposition,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Sharon Osbourne Ozzy Osbourne Bewildered Look On Face
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m starting to think he didn’t really do hardcore drugs until he had to interact with Sharon and Kelly on a daily basis.

  2. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
    Qmak
    Commented on this photo:

    Reporter: “Alexa, how big is your mom’s appetite for husbands and gold digging?”

  3. Helen Hunt Kissing Luke Wilson Ride Set
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    His double chin is full of bile.

  4. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
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    Alexa looks damn good. Christie always looks great. I’d do the both of them.

  5. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    No, this is me over here. I’m driving the Ford Fiesta…

  6. Cee Lo Green Paint Stained Hoodie
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    I gave that guy a dollar outside of 7eleven last night…

  7. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Pants Modern Family Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Buster Poindexter will goose her in 3… 2… 1…

  8. Shakira Bra Cleavage Post Baby Weight Loss See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    She another physically perfect woman.

  9. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Johnny Depp
    Commented on this photo:

    duuuuuude….

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
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    “See, folks, if only Jesus had avoided gluten and lactose, and had watched his mercury levels from all those fish he ate, he could have stayed up there comfortably for DAYS!”

  11. Kelly Rowland Nipples No Bra Tank Top
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    Nice tits. I always had a thing for her.

  12. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    “No matter how careful you are, opening the Ark of the Covenant always has the same result.”

  13. Tim McGraw Skinny Torso Duracell Quantum Heroes Video Series Launch FDNY Firehouse Engine 33
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Harvey Levin upgraded his water bottle to a 10-gallon hat dispenser.

  14. Helen Hunt Kissing Luke Wilson Ride Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Cut! Jesus, Luke, it’s called ACTING.”
    “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION???”

  15. Sharon Osbourne Ozzy Osbourne Bewildered Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    Ozzy looks shit faced drunk. As he should be.

  16. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    cube gleamer
    Commented on this photo:

    It is gauche the way celebrities show off.

  17. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
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    “Well, that was pretty good, sweetheart, but until you get the parallel parking down, I don’t think you’re gonna be ready for the test. “

  18. Ashley Greene Butt Daisy Dukes Boots
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    Nice.

  19. Sienna Miller Drunk Nipple Slip No Bra
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    “Hey, wanna see my impression of blowing Jude Law? Hahaha! Seriously, it’s like a drinking straw.”

  20. Courtney Love Drunk
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    Fuck off.

  21. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    …not even the most beautiful woman in the photograph.

  22. Melanie Griffith Saggy Butt Tight Leather Pants Jimmy Kimmel Live
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    Happy Birthday Madonna!

  23. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well, I’m on the Downeaster Meeeeee…”
    “Cut it out.”

  24. Kelly Brook Cleavage Bikini Instagram
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    If ever there was a scene that deserved a high resolution, clearly focused photograph, this was it. Fuck you Instagram. Fuck you right in your grainy, blurry face.

  25. Courtney Love Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Happy Birthday Madonna!

  26. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do you know what this is? it’s the worlds tiniest violin…and I’m going to wear it as an accessory”

  27. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
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    Depending on the kind of mastectomy, the nipples could be her original, real ones. But this explanation has already killed my boner, so whatever.

  28. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
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    “Blazing Saddles 2: Where Da White Women At”

  29. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    Commented on this photo:

    No really sweetie, I’m famous…I was Iceman in Top Gun.

    No?

    I was Batman….no before him…before him too…uh, ok yes…I am Adam West.

  30. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
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    Having camel toe next to your mom = awkward.

  31. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Not Gwen
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    Sometimes I feel like the only person who doesn’t hate this woman. I do understand it though. We don’t like seeing people who are happy and healthy because they remind us of what we’re not.

    People who are saying “ew” and “gross” in response to this picture… Really? I see a thin, fit older woman with a slight eating disorder. It doesn’t look bad though. Her body is nicer than most women half her age and she’s not even wearing makeup.

    • Jake

      I know everyone has different tastes, but she looks like a 12 y/o boy wearing his little sister’s bikini.
      I guess if you’re into sexually confused 12 y/o boys she might be attractive. For everyone else…NOT HOT, at all.

    • Juch

      I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.

      I like the European life. There is something that is very civilized about it. … I went home, and one of the first things someone said to me was, ‘Oh, goodness, those jeans are so cute! Who made them?’ And I was like, ‘I have to get back to Europe!’ … I love America too. It is just a more adolescent culture.

      Maybe these Gwyneth Paltrow quotes will help you understand:

      “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

      “I like the European life. There is something that is very civilized about it. … I went home, and one of the first things someone said to me was, ‘Oh, goodness, those jeans are so cute! Who made them?’ And I was like, ‘I have to get back to Europe!’ … I love America too. It is just a more adolescent culture.”

      And btw, I’m neither unhappy nor unhealthy, yet I manage to dislike her. Your ‘anyone who doesn’t like her is jealous’ is I think more revealing about you than everyone else.

      • …could not agree more, and could’nt have said it better.

      • Not Gwen

        I know she sounds like a cunt, but I think she’s just being honest.

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

        @Not Gwen – the problem is she seems to lack the awareness to express those (& other) observations in such a way that doesn’t make her look bad. If someone has been born with some degree of silver spoon in their mouth, of course they’re going to struggle to empathise with someone who’s only known the heights of earning 25k a year. But there’s a way you can express that without sounding like you are either indifferent to or have contempt for the person “stuck” earning 25k. This is of course an aside to the fact she’s an actress, and it’s her very job to be able to empathise with all sorts of people/characters, in order to render them authentically/believably.

        She repeatedly fails to express herself well because she (apparently) lacks the requisite awareness of/empthy for those outside her own social milieu, and in consequence she comes off as narcissistic & pretentious. Maybe she really isn’t those things, but as this distance we have nothing else to go on but these snippets that are reported, and on that count we’re left with no other conclusions to draw.

    • So someone you describe as having a slight eating disorder has a better body than a 20 year old?
      I’m glad to see the standards train is up and running.

  32. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    I like Lara Spencer on that flea market show she does. I realize that statement has nothing to do with the above photo and isn’t funny. Sorry about that.

  33. Beyonce Legs Short Shorts Gold Headband
    Commented on this photo:

    Beyonce don’t use no public toilet. Beyonce got her own toilet.

  34. Tim McGraw Skinny Torso Duracell Quantum Heroes Video Series Launch FDNY Firehouse Engine 33
    Commented on this photo:

    A real cowboy would cringe at that stupid hat.

  35. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    he’s taking his “complimentary white bitch” home with him. it was the only part of the gift basket he wanted.

  36. Shakira Bra Cleavage Post Baby Weight Loss See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Definitely the hottest midget since Bridget.

  37. Melanie Griffith Saggy Butt Tight Leather Pants Jimmy Kimmel Live
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    All that plastic surgery and not a single doctor suggested she lift up that ass?? That’s what’s wrong with this country.

  38. Sharon Osbourne Ozzy Osbourne Bewildered Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice hat John Lithgow.

  39. Courtney Love Drunk
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    “what are you gonna do now that you killed kurt and stole all his money?” “i’m going to disneyworld!”

  40. Melanie Griffith Saggy Butt Tight Leather Pants Jimmy Kimmel Live
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve never seen an ass that folds, but I guess you learn something new every day, right?

  41. Courtney Love Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I would lament that Kurt is dead and she’s still alive…but I never liked Nirvana, so I’ll just lament that she’s alive.

  42. Courtney Love Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    50 Shades of Crazy

  43. Kevin Smith Hugely Overweight Sweating Walking Tiny Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    The sweatshirt is supposed to visually trick us into not seeing how large he is.

  44. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    AWOL
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey little girl! Have you ever driven a Porsche before?

  45. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    NaCl
    Commented on this photo:

    Somehow she managed to make herself look more white with an Instagram filter.

  46. Claudia Romani Butt Bikini Licking Lolipop
    Commented on this photo:

    Yep, that’s where the poop comes out.

  47. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
    Commented on this photo:

    ” Come with me and I will teach you to become another spoiled celebrity brat.”

  48. Leonardo DiCaprio Playing Tennis In Blue Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m the king of the forehand!!

  49. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Rodriguez doesn’t look as old as I thought he would.

  50. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    The graphics on Grand Theft Auto V are amazing!

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