The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.16.13

August 16th, 2013 // 399 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed that hopefully doesn’t sound too wasted since I accidentally polished off the six-pack of Zima I was gonna bring to this post‘s house. But it’s just about the weekend and 1DERECTIONFAN69 has some Snapchatting to do, so here’s today’s selections. We’ve got Luke Wilson about to experience the passionate thrill of that time your great aunt slipped you the tongue at Thanksgiving, Jonah Hill‘s BFFL, Val Kilmer about to pound some Cunth, and Kevin Smith dying of heatstroke.

“We just wanted to warn her about talking to strangers online,” Fish and I will one day say in a deposition,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    yuck

  2. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    “Imagine I’m holding a pin. Now look at the head of that pin. My career could fit on the head of that pin 100,000 times.”

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Dick Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    Most beautiful woman in the world, What a crock of shit

    • Not even the most beautiful woman in a 100 foot radius of that photograph.

      But I know “junior Gwyneths”: Mummy and Daddy are rich and tell their princess she’s so special and so beautiful that she begins to believe it and everybody else either believes it or are too scared of the rich parents to say “bullshit”.

      It’s so self-evident that Gwyneth Paltrow is a self-entitled pampered narcissist, so it doesn’t matter what she looks like on the outside. Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness goes all the way down to the bone.

      By the way: not a member of the Gwyneth Fan Club. All three members are still recruiting, though.

    • Of course any woman whose body literally resembles my 9 year old male cousin’s is the sexiest woman alive.
      Clearly Jimmy Saville runs People magazine.

  4. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    Haha. It’s funny ’cause they’re fake but I keep looking at them.

    • I believe the nipples were left intact.

    • hate to break it to you but they were always fake like her nose and lips. She had one giant, very giant, lower lip and a skinny top lip, looked something awful until they reduced the bottom and placed a lip implant on top. Botox and fillers to the hilt. She is not so great. Salma Hayek, great, Adriana Lima, great, this woman, great sometimes because they keep telling me so

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet you’re all pleased that she’s moving back to America.

    • What the fuck? When did that get decided?? No one told me anything about it. I’m an American, don’t I get a vote on this? Don’t all Americans get a vote on this? She’s British now. Her and Madonna. They’re British.

  6. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Val Kilmer start banging Dana Brody from Homeland?

  7. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Alexa Ray is pretty nice from the neck down.

  8. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Cleavage Jason Statham Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Rosie is always hot from the neck down.

  9. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    He has to make money, somehow, to pay for more jewelery.

  10. Beyonce Legs Short Shorts Gold Headband
    Dick Nose
    Commented on this photo:

    Beyonce making it cool to be white again

  11. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like every girl’s awkward, ugly stage before they grow breasts. Sweet, incomparable, distracting breasts.

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Of course Stella McCartney did. Benefits of Nepotism powers activate!

    • Thank you. Good to know someone else thinks Stella McCartney is a no-talent who only became famous because of her last name. Her “designs” suck.

  13. Kelly Brook Cleavage Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    This woman knows how to Instagram properly.

  14. Cee Lo Green Paint Stained Hoodie
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    If he had longer arms maybe he could scare away those damn seagulls that keep shitting on him.

  15. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you imagine the nipple selection process? “Yeah, I’d like the Aniston pokies, but just a bit more subdued.”

  16. Kevin Smith Hugely Overweight Sweating Walking Tiny Dog
    Kris Jenner
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet a cunty queer wrote this

  17. Cee Lo Green Paint Stained Hoodie
    Commented on this photo:

    Seconds after being bombed by seagulls.

  18. Leonardo DiCaprio Playing Tennis In Blue Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    He woke up that morning with a woman that purred, “let’s do something that involves love…and balls”. But the bowling alley was closed.

  19. Alexa Ray Joel Bikini Christie Brinkley Boat Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Christie Lee’s working pretty hard to suck it in, but she still looks fantastic.

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Stella McCartney Instagram
    YadaYada
    Commented on this photo:

    Gross.

  21. Sharon Osbourne Ozzy Osbourne Bewildered Look On Face
    Commented on this photo:

    what happened to Tom Baker?

  22. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    Show me the money, bitch!

  23. Leonardo DiCaprio Playing Tennis In Blue Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Tennis on weed is awesome.

  24. Hilaria Baldwin Huge Pregnant Cleavage Belly Button Sheer Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    When is this kid coming?

  25. Kelly Brook Cleavage Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure, shes hot. How long before society returns to clear photogs again?

  26. Sienna Miller Drunk Nipple Slip No Bra
    YadaYada
    Commented on this photo:

    Exactly how I picture her face in my mind when I’m rubbing one out.

  27. Shakira Bra Cleavage Post Baby Weight Loss See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    God. Damn.

    Motherhood has done her quite well.

  28. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Now watch as I take my last shred of dignity between these two fingers and make it disappear forever!

  29. Kelly Brook Cleavage Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I love you. Don’t ignore me, goddamn you, you at least respond when someone tells you they love you! Fine. Just sit there, frozen. You’re a cold bitch, Kelly.

  30. Werner Hertzog 66th Locarno Film Festival
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    Werner Hertzog started getting irritated right around the third shout of “Baba O’Reily!” from the crowd.

  31. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Did they pass all of that shit out on the set of 21 Jump Street?

  32. Kelly Rowland Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Jennifer Aniston has a worthy rival.

  33. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, stop your moping! You’ll be old enough to make out with your sister in no time!”

  34. Helen Hunt Kissing Luke Wilson Ride Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Bono patiently waits his turn.

  35. Matt Bomer French Bulldog Looking At Crotch White Collar Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s right. You want a treat? You have to do something for me first.”

  36. Cee Lo Green Paint Stained Hoodie
    Commented on this photo:

    He DOES look scarier with a hoodie!

  37. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    “WHOOOOOOOOOO! It IS true what they say about black men!”

  38. Kevin Smith Hugely Overweight Sweating Walking Tiny Dog
    I'mCool
    Commented on this photo:

    The only wiener Kevin Smith has seen in a long time.

  39. Helen Hunt Kissing Luke Wilson Ride Set
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess the A-B-and C lists were busy?

  40. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Pants Modern Family Set
    Commented on this photo:

    DAT ASS.

  41. Angelina Jolie Nipples New Breast Implants Son Maddox
    PathosAvenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I think you pronounce it, “mad-douche”. Jesus, this kid is doomed.

  42. Matt Bomer French Bulldog Looking At Crotch White Collar Set
    Commented on this photo:

    He stared at the dog, the dog stared back. They could both feel something growing inside of them, ready to bloom like spring’s first orchid. Then a moment of awkward tension. But make no mistake, tenderness was in the air. Tenderness was in the air.

  43. Kelly Brook Cleavage Bikini Instagram
    Batu Khan
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn it! She unzipped my pants again!… Every time…

  44. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Pants Modern Family Set
    Commented on this photo:

    I could never be an actor on this show. My eyes would be perpetually glued to her tits and ass. I can only imagine the hell the two young men they cast go through.

  45. Val Kilmer Getting Out Of Porsche With Young Woman
    Commented on this photo:

    If that Junior High Schooler decides to make a run for it, Val will flat line before he catches her.

  46. Sofia Vergara Butt Tight Pants Modern Family Set
    chuchi
    Commented on this photo:

    that ass is phil-nomenal.

  47. Richard Greico Abstract Emotionalism Paintings Show
    Woone P. Tiggins
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh shit Gaddafi lives

  48. Cee Lo Green Paint Stained Hoodie
    Commented on this photo:

    Trayvon + Oompah Loompah… Love Child

  49. Cuba Gooding Jr Dipping Lara Spencer GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    I call this move ” The OJ”

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