The Crap We Missed – Friday 7.12.13

July 12th, 2013 // 318 Comments

So here’s your Friday edition of The Crap We Missed, that’s coming at you early, because Fish is hard at work stuffing LEGO references into a Pacific Rim review. “Man, you lazy fucks are cutting out early to go to a movie again!” you say? AHAHA– Sadly no. Someone decided to go see a late show without me last night, so I’ll be taking the afternoon to decopage a certain coffee mug — that may or may not have ‘World’s Greatest Tit Photo Editor’ stenciled on it — with pictures of a slight-framed, spiky-haired manchild wearing only a Captain America t-shirt and smashing it with a sledgehammer.

As for you guys, my loyal friends who I can always count on to tell me whose butts need how much of your pee, you get to enjoy the last thing Alec Baldwin will see before rage bursts from his chest in the form of red mist, Paris Hilton‘s utmost respect for the law, and Honey Boo Boo‘s parents signing copies of the book their family wrote because why not kick me when I’m down, universe, go ahead, I can’t get any lower.

I can still smell the butter on you, you bastard. I hope it was worth it,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Maria Shriver Creepy Face Virgin Mary Tee Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    When did she stop sharpening her face?

  2. Bruce Jenner Pissed Off Look
    Commented on this photo:

    Why would you ask the plastic surgeon to transform you into a >:-( emoticon?

  3. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    Nonnie Moose
    Commented on this photo:

    All the bankability of Yahoo Serious and Carrot Top rolled into one package.

  4. Catherine Zeta Jones Cleavage Red 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ms. Zeta-Jones, could you cure my throat cancer next?”

    “NO, ME!”

    “MY TURN!”

  5. Kate Upton Butt Yoga Pants
    Nonnie Moose
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno. That little ass looks pretty sweet in this shot.

  6. Selma Blair Pale Legs Short Shorts Carrying Son Arthur
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, shit. Hellboy’s going to freak when he sees their kid doesn’t have red skin and a set of horns.

  7. Jonah Hill Neck Beard
    Minky Wail
    Commented on this photo:

    Well I guess the only advantage to other patrons is that he keeps the flies off their food.

  8. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    canudigit
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the puppet on Mr. Dressup grew up and got a sex change.

  9. Ke$ha Gold Tooth Fishnets Mesh Shirt BBC Studios
    Minky Wail
    Commented on this photo:

    “A sharpie? I usually autograph balls with a pencil.”

  10. Ireland Baldwin Licking Slater Trouts Abs Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    This girl is hooked on the attention now. Unless Irish Rage Baldwin gets really involved she is on a train to Bynesville.

  11. Ireland Baldwin Licking Slater Trouts Abs Instagram
    Joe Mahma
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice, selfie, whore.

  12. Sophie Simmons Cleavage Nipples Red 2 Premiere
    Minky Wail
    Commented on this photo:

    The necklace shows where Gene’s tongue stops in her throat.

  13. June Shannon Mike Thompson Honey Boo Boo Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    The Mega-Chug of Mt. Dew beside Jabba the Mom is like the pitchfork in American Gothic. A perfect symbol of her existence.

  14. Erin Heatherton Nipples No Bra The Global Poverty Project 2013 Global Citizen Festival Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “People are poor you guys, and like, stop it.”

  15. Maria Shriver Creepy Face Virgin Mary Tee Shirt
    canudigit
    Commented on this photo:

    For once, I am happy not to be subjected to a camel toe.

  16. Paris Hilton On Cell Phone Getting A Ticket
    Commented on this photo:

    Is there anything left to say about this bitch?

  17. June Shannon Mike Thompson Honey Boo Boo Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sir, I’m afraid your wife has defecated in the literary fiction aisle, right in front of Kurt Vonnegut’s section.”
    “I don’t care who shit where, you tell that Kurt feller that this here gut is mine. She’s mine!”

  18. Jonah Hill Neck Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    “I was here the other day with Marty, that’s Martin Scorsese, and we were talking about doing a project with Willie and Leo, oh sorry, that’s Will Smith and Leonardo DiCaprio, and I was like, wait, let me call L-Gags and T-Swift for the soundtrack! I was just with them and Brangie on Depp Charge’s island.

    That’s Johnny Depp.”

  19. Bruce Willis Checking Out Wife Emma Hemings Ass Red 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’ll do…for now.”

  20. Bruce Springsteen Huge Pit Stains
    Commented on this photo:

    “The Boss”?! More like “The Moss”! Am I right, people?!

  21. Bruce Willis Checking Out Wife Emma Hemings Ass Red 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can still see a little jiggle behind the biceps there. Get back in the car and don’t come out until you’ve thrown all of that up.”

  22. Prince Charles Talking To Little Girl Coronation Festival Royal Preview
    Commented on this photo:

    “The fuck you looking at?”

  23. Ireland Baldwin Licking Slater Trouts Abs Instagram
    Me
    Commented on this photo:

    Low class trash

  24. Coco Cleavage Suspenders Old Modeling Photo Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    What am I supposed to admire, your surgeon’s training and lack of scruples? We’ve seen everything but her uterus at this point.

  25. June Shannon Mike Thompson Honey Boo Boo Book Signing
    Commented on this photo:

    Like fuck did they write it.

  26. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    “I saw a famous person and they did this”

    Copyright Kathy Griffin stand-up Inc., 2002-perpetuity.

  27. Scott Disick
    Commented on this photo:

    He is the perfect storm of awful.

  28. Kate Upton Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Doesn’t look like her.

  29. Taylor Hackford Fondling And Kissing Helen Mirren Red 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Collectively the saliva exchanged was 638 years old.

  30. Prince Charles Talking To Little Girl Coronation Festival Royal Preview
    Commented on this photo:

    He looked into her eyes an saw an innocence he never knew. Perhaps it was his rigorous upbringing in the royal household, or his father’s stern instance that joy was a luxury afforded only to commoners, yet he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to see the world afresh through such a set of eyes, to know the wonder of being truly free from obligation and bond. Then he remembered that he was a crown prince, lord of Britain, wealthiest and most powerful among his peers. So he had her killed by tigers while taking his afternoon tea and masturbating to a vintage reel of clown porn. Indeed it was good to be king.

  31. Iggy Pop Shirtless Leathery Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    No, it couldn’t be….Darkman?

  32. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    And yet, even then, no one at Target gave a shit.

  33. Maria Shriver Creepy Face Virgin Mary Tee Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Mary Mother of God…

  34. Paris Hilton On Cell Phone Getting A Ticket
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She, more than anyone else, should know there are almost surefire ways to get out of tickets.

  35. Bruce Jenner Pissed Off Look
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess everyone’s a krumper now.

  36. Bruce Willis Checking Out Wife Emma Hemings Ass Red 2 Premiere
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    “Grooooooooooan. That’s right baby, I’m salt your pepper.”

  37. Prince Charles Talking To Little Girl Coronation Festival Royal Preview
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    “Gor blimey, a white child, in England?”

  38. Iggy Pop Shirtless Leathery Skin
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m glad he keeps doing these charity events for burn victims.

  39. Maria Shriver Creepy Face Virgin Mary Tee Shirt
    DoUcHeBaGeLs
    Commented on this photo:

    When two people are together long enough, they begin to look like each other. “MAAARIA, WHERE ARE DA MUSCLES? YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRLYMAN!”

  40. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    If a comedian is never funny, is it still ‘performing’?

  41. Bruce Jenner Pissed Off Look
    Commented on this photo:

    “What is up, dudebros? I’m very excited to go chilling at the drive-in theater and cruise in my Buick whip to meet some swell dames.”

  42. Scott Disick
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Please, let Hayley Stark be real.

  43. June Shannon Mike Thompson Honey Boo Boo Book Signing
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    Duck lips and turkey-neck waddle. Classy.

  44. Jonah Hill Neck Beard
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    That girl is cute and natural looking. A tourist.

  45. Erin Heatherton Nipples No Bra The Global Poverty Project 2013 Global Citizen Festival Press Conference
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll give money if they can get the singer of Kings of Leon to stop braying like a fucking donkey.

    Don’t miss the double entendre at the end there.

  46. Bruce Springsteen Huge Pit Stains
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    Learjet communist.

  47. Taylor Hackford Fondling And Kissing Helen Mirren Red 2 Premiere
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought this was The Most Interesting Man In The World

  48. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder what the gays see in her?

  49. Kathy Griffin Middle Finger Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino
    jc
    Commented on this photo:

    and then I told my plastic surgeon to sit and spin.

  50. Prince Charles Talking To Little Girl Coronation Festival Royal Preview
    Commented on this photo:

    Cute Bear, the Teddy Bear!

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