The Crap We Missed – Friday 5.30.14

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ve already blown my lefty liberal wad of the day on Mariah Carey’s crazy cleavage, so I’m just going to point to to fat Rob Kardashian (HA, He’s so fucking fat!), clean and sober Lindsay Lohan and The Gay Mafia’s failed hit attempt on Maria Menounos, because even they know her butt will eventually become sentient and make us all do terrible things.

*eyes glaze over* Yes, Lord Gluteon Bulbous Maximus…capture Jennifer Lopez and present her at the altar. As you wish…

- Photo Boy

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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN