The Crap We Missed – Friday 5.17.13

May 17th, 2013 // 235 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where we take a ton of paparazzi celebrity coverage and water it all down to the douchiest of canoes for you to point and laugh at. So today’s ego boosters include John Goodman cropdusting the loading zone at LAX, Justin Bieber and his boys on a Tic-Tac run like some straight up thugs, and Anthony Hopkins wearing snakeskin shoes to the American Idol finale, to which I was all like “WTF?!” until I remembered The Wolfman, so, nevermind this totally checks out.

Anyone want to tell Keith Richards that pole’s not actually Mick Jagger? Nah, forget it, he seems like he’s really enjoying himself,

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INF Daily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Keith Richards Holding Onto Pole
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    “Blimey. Is that Kanye’s blood on this pole?”

  2. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    Commented on this photo:

    Dumb and Dumber…and even more Dumberer.

  3. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Commented on this photo:

    Yesssssssssssss…would you like to borrow my penis?–I mean pen!

  4. Will Smith Jaden Smith After Earth Photocall Miami Science Museum
    Commented on this photo:

    Ahhhhhhh! Not the Vulcan nerve pinch, dad!

  5. Amber Rose Fat Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care how the saying goes…she should go by another name.

  6. Maria Fowler Nipples See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    At first glance I was very pleasantly surprised. However, after doing some Google-surfing, I’m seeing another store-bought, plastic-enhanced Barbie Doll. Nice tummy, though.

  7. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Commented on this photo:

    “No matter how hard I blow on this thing, I can’t get it to make a sound!”

  8. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    Commented on this photo:

    One grenade….

  9. Sofia Vergara Cleavage USA Nework Upfronts
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Professional Hispanic! Annoying, nasal voice that can barely pronounce half the words in her handed to her, yet her ethnicity enables her to STILL get jobs as a celebrity SPOKESWOMAN! And before you say it’s her boobs and/or body, there are FAR better looking women in Hollywood, or even plenty that look AS good, that can manage to put together English sentences with no problem or “Nanny voice”. Ridiculous!

  10. Sofia Vergara Cleavage USA Nework Upfronts
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    …And Charro did it better the first time.

  11. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    Snus
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ah man, this picture will take my Black Card Away.” -The bodyguard

  12. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Trying to figure out Blackie Gaga in that last pic.

  13. Halle Berry Bra See Through Shirt Pregnant Belly
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Stuck up cunt. She has to know they gave her that award for getting naked and humping Billy Bob and not for any actual “acting” skills.

  14. Laurence Fishburne
    Pathos Avenger
    Commented on this photo:

    There can be only one! Wait, wrong movie. Neo?

  15. John Goodman Farting
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    Sweet! The live action “Terrance and Philip Go To Fat Camp” movie is finally happening!

  16. John Goodman Farting
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s John GoodGodMan.

  17. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is there an undercover cop behind me?”

  18. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Ted Danson trying out a different color rug.

  19. Will Smith Jaden Smith After Earth Photocall Miami Science Museum
    bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Now listen here Jaden.. There comes a time in every Hermaphrodite’s life when they must choose. So, what are you going to be?

  20. Rihanna Butt Tight Skirt Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t pretend to be classy when the whole world has seen your snatch.

  21. Will Smith Jaden Smith After Earth Photocall Miami Science Museum
    Dominuse
    Commented on this photo:

    Douche and Doucher

  22. AnnaSophia Robb Cleavage Tight Skirt CW Upfronts
    Commented on this photo:

    Such a pretty young thing. I want.

  23. Laurence Fishburne
    Commented on this photo:

    “If you persist in taking my photograph, I will be forced to pop a cap in…(wait…how does that go again?)…it will be necessary for me to…(dammit…for me to WHAT?)…never mind. Just go away!”

  24. Jeremy Renner Walking Small Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks just like that peculiar little kid who used to walk around the playground hacking lungers and blowing his nose on totally used up Kleenex.

  25. Piper Perabo Nipples No Bra USA Nework Upfronts
    Commented on this photo:

    She is so cute. Incredible legs and a stupendous ass.

  26. Keith Richards Holding Onto Pole
    Commented on this photo:

    “What a giggle…these Americans keep calling me Jack Sparrow…”

  27. Rihanna Butt Tight Skirt Instagram
    Skeeter
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet she loves taking it in the ass. I’d like to have some fun with her asshole.

    • I never cease to admire how the more poetry-inclined among us choose to eschew the predictable Chris-Brown-reference angle and go straight for the Byronesque imagery. Classy!

  28. Sofia Vergara Cleavage USA Nework Upfronts
    Skeeter
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s overrated. Don’t get me wrong, I’d tear her anus up but aside from her tits, she’s very average.

  29. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    Hate Mongrel
    Commented on this photo:

    They are all so happy the Fast and Furious scandal has been forgotten.

  30. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    Pine Table Fever
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know you needed ID to buy condoms and lube in the US. Learn something new every day.

  31. Paris Hilton River Viiperi Make Out Gotha Club Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    After all the Farrah Abraham coverage, this is like looking at a picture of two Amish kids reading the Bible together.

  32. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    Commented on this photo:

    “Uhhhh… we’re not with him.”

  33. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what Republican women think a blowjob looks like.

  34. Jeremy Renner Walking Small Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    “I fought back against those gay rumors by getting a French bulldog. It’s the manliest purse dog.”

  35. Keith Richards Holding Onto Pole
    Commented on this photo:

    zombie keef!

  36. Rihanna Butt Tight Skirt Instagram
    Utah Gimme Two
    Commented on this photo:

    You thinking what I’m thinking? Aim for the bushes.

  37. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    Mitch
    Commented on this photo:

    A bigger collection of douchebags could not be found in one spot.

  38. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Commented on this photo:

    there can bic only one.

  39. Anthony Hopkins White Glasses Snakeskin Boots American Idol Grand Finale
    Ripley's Believe It Or Not
    Commented on this photo:

    Which one is the main course, and which one is desert?

  40. Justin Bieber Black Crew Gas Station
    real
    Commented on this photo:

    Are those pearls?

  41. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    Quebec
    Commented on this photo:

    lov u Barack!!! wish whe had u in Canada!

  42. Paris Hilton River Viiperi Make Out Gotha Club Cannes
    AnnaD.
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s using her hypno-eyes to immobilize him before contamination.

  43. President Obama Eric Holder Janet Napolitano 32nd Annual National Peace Officers Memorial Service
    eh
    Commented on this photo:

    “See, Eric, I told you if I gave the command the Marines would strip down and mud wrestle with enthusiasm. And you said no!”

  44. Ian Somerhalder Buying Hair Brush
    Commented on this photo:

    Being a little overweight doesn’t suit him at all.

  45. Halle Berry Bra See Through Shirt Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Now she looks her old age.

  46. Christopher Lambert Kissing Gold Pen
    Commented on this photo:

    Handsome, in a good form, looks wonderful! What nonsense can be said about him?

  47. Will Smith Jaden Smith After Earth Photocall Miami Science Museum
    Commented on this photo:

    The black noblemen, yikes! They’re revolting.

  48. Jeremy Renner Walking Small Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    His penis can be nearly seen.

  49. Sofia Vergara Cleavage USA Nework Upfronts
    Pete
    Commented on this photo:

    When is she going to come out & admit she’s a tranny?

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