The Crap We Missed – Friday 3.14.14

March 14th, 2014 // 356 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which, thanks to Comcast taking a shit on my face, is coming at you from Starbucks — a place I thought was just a nice spot to get an overprice cup of sugar, but turns out is actually Satan’s asshole. Who knew? In a moment, I’ll get this nice ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY WHO FOR SOME REASON IS IN STARBUCKS ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON and speaking at max volume in Spanish right beside me to translate this for our ESL readers, but first I need to collect myself with this Elton John pic. This should put me in a calm, meditative state.

*waits, inhales deeply* Nope, still gonna steam burn everyone in this place to death. *leaps onto table, points green straw* BARISTA, EN GUARD!!

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Chord Overstreet On Darren Criss Back Glee Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Take that, Tom Cruise. You’re not Tom?! Oh well.”

  2. Kate Upton Cleavage Express Runway Show
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet when she’s flat on her back naked, those boobs kind of spill into her arm pits. But, in the best way that I could possibly image. *wipes down keyboard*

    • One would think. But she’s very young. You might still have a couple of years where they stand up somewhat firmly. And if that’s the case I can’t imagine the sight. It would be like staring at a white dwarf going supernova in front of you. A sight mortal eyes can barely capture.

  3. Oprah Winfrey Maria Shriver Paycheck To Paycheck The Life and Times Of Katrina Gilbert
    Buster
    Commented on this photo:

    Your souls. Give them to me.

  4. Jared Leto Hair On Terry Richardson Head
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh man…just get married already…cuz if you don’t, Leto will marry himself in the mirror.

  5. Hilary Duff Tight Red Heans
    Blumpkin
    Commented on this photo:

    I would eat the red out of her butt .

  6. Burt Young Lisa Scuteri Neck Rocky Broadway Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    If this is “Rocky”…then these two must be Boris and Natasha. I guess Bullwinkle was too cool to show up.

  7. Kylie Jenner Scott Disick Lord Disick Slippers DASH Store Opening
    Commented on this photo:

    It would be great if he fucked her…that would be 3 of 3 ruined Kardashian marriages.

  8. Elton John Blowing Microphone
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    I just assumed it was some kind of piano attached to a breathalyzer & Elton has to prove he’s sober before getting behind the keyboard. What’s all this talk of cock you fellows are prattling on about?

  9. Paz de la Huerta Drunk Smoking Cigarette Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    Juliette Lewis in blue velvet…my dream come true.

  10. Alexander Skarsgard Hoodie Gym Shorts Bag Sandals
    Roundhouse Kick
    Commented on this photo:

    The Unarapist.

  11. Kate Major DUI Mugshot
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like someone is gonna get kicked in the vagina.

  12. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Scruffy Beard Fat Gut
    Commented on this photo:

    Ben: “Here’s a money tip, and a movie tip: Don’t watch Gigli. Comprende?”

  13. Joanna Krupa Topless Sideboob Instagram
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    She spit the hook out.

  14. Joanna Krupa Topless Sideboob Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess she’s a fan of a lactating Doutzen Kroes.

  15. Isla Fisher Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, come out here, and fuck me in the middle of the road. You better hurry. Not much longer before this hell baby rips up my lady taco.”

  16. Oprah Winfrey Maria Shriver Paycheck To Paycheck The Life and Times Of Katrina Gilbert
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay…who exposed Maria to sunlight?”

  17. Coco String Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone help…her butt is eating her bikini.

  18. Hayley Atwell Cleavage Captain America The Winter Soldier Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    And well never be Royals…

  19. Eva Mendes Butt Floral Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Mom pants…which confused my penis for only one sec, as I have a Stephanie Seymour mother/son relationship.

  20. Joanna Krupa Topless Sideboob Instagram
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    This flirtation is nice and all but I’m ready to see the main event…the sex tape of her ravishing the husband AKA pool boy AKA Meat Man. Let’s hope those damn dogs were locked up before they started recording, that would ruin it for me.

  21. Paz de la Huerta Drunk Smoking Cigarette Chateau Marmont
    GiovanniDuece
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Crap!! Is Steven Tyler wearing velvet now?

  22. Kendra Wilkinson Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Belly Launch Ale By Alessandra Planet Blue
    Commented on this photo:

    Just a few more babies, and sex with Hank will no longer be painful.

  23. Eva Mendes Butt Floral Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Floral pants and platform hooves: two trends that must die. Now.

  24. Alessandra Ambrosio Side Boob launch Ale By Alessandra Planet Blue
    kevolution
    Commented on this photo:

    Her sideboob is better than most chicks’ full boob.

  25. Hayley Atwell Cleavage Captain America The Winter Soldier Premiere
    buzz
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck you Marvel/Disney. You take all the girls with the biggest tits in Hollywood and cover them up in each Marvel movie.

  26. Elton John Blowing Microphone
    Commented on this photo:

    Biting the tip like a freshman cheerleader. If I were gay I wouldn’t let this guy anywhere near my junk.

  27. Alessandra Ambrosio Side Boob launch Ale By Alessandra Planet Blue
    Commented on this photo:

    Very nice.

  28. Katy Perry Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Goddammit. She is so profoundly stupid and her music is so awful. Why do her tits and ass have to be so great?

  29. Chord Overstreet On Darren Criss Back Glee Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Christ. The whole male cast of that show probably ejaculates glitter.

  30. Kate Major DUI Mugshot
    Commented on this photo:

    *slow claps

  31. Burt Young Lisa Scuteri Neck Rocky Broadway Opening Night
    Commented on this photo:

    This Rocky isn’t about the boxer. It’s a play Burt Young wrote about his financial situation since 1986.

  32. Joanna Krupa Topless Sideboob Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Sweet chocolate Jesus. That’s a bit of alright.

  33. Kylie Jenner Scott Disick Lord Disick Slippers DASH Store Opening
    Commented on this photo:

    I sincerely hope this gooberdick fucktard is banging the Jenner sisters. That would be the cherry on the Kardashian class sundae.

  34. Paz de la Huerta Drunk Smoking Cigarette Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    They comp her room or she starts throwing used tampons at the staff.

  35. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Scruffy Beard Fat Gut
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty clear why they pushed back the release date of Batman vs. Superman a year.

  36. Katy Perry Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Boring.

  37. Alexander Skarsgard Hoodie Gym Shorts Bag Sandals
    Commented on this photo:

    The Skarsgard daily items checklist:

    Wallet
    Keys
    Sunglasses
    Duffle bag of condoms.

    First three optional.

  38. Isla Fisher Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like she’s pregnant with Borat’s agent.

  39. Kate Upton Cleavage Express Runway Show
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great here.

  40. Kate Major DUI Mugshot
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s just following the Lohan family tradition.

  41. Joanna Krupa Topless Sideboob Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s fucking perfect.

  42. Hilary Duff Tight Red Heans
    Commented on this photo:

    I would.

  43. Nicki Minaj Butt Twerk Leather Moschino Shoot Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Hell yes.

  44. Isla Fisher Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks pregnant for real. She’s got the pregnant boobs. And I totally would. Pregnant or not.

  45. Oprah Winfrey Maria Shriver Paycheck To Paycheck The Life and Times Of Katrina Gilbert
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here absorbing the souls of everyone in attendance.

  46. Coco String Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck yeah. So sexy.

  47. Jessica Szohr Nipples No Bra Captain America The Winter Soldier Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are some nice little tits.

  48. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Scruffy Beard Fat Gut
    TheJoaker
    Commented on this photo:

    Dis how… I can’t do it.

  49. Alexander Skarsgard Hoodie Gym Shorts Bag Sandals
    TheJoaker
    Commented on this photo:

    Why do I feel like that “oh yeah” song in Ferris Bueller plays everywhere he walks

  50. Kate Major DUI Mugshot
    Commented on this photo:

    That’d be Driving Under the Idiocy, right?

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