“I don’t remember ordering flapjacks.” – Stephen Hawking, just now.
Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which is basically everything considering our entire day fell into a Stephen Hawking sex addict hole that I’m proud to say it never crawled out of. On that note, enjoy today’s alternating Final Five that’s for both the ladies and the gents, yet somehow all for me because it’s not like I haven’t spoiled myself by pretending to be a pimp physicist with a robot voice on every goddamn post.
To professionalism!
- The Superficial
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Wee-Man’s next girl friend.
1+
Brother still can’t get a cab.
Hope she’s not another racist.
“Miss Simmons, this gentleman is next in line for his fellatio.”
Nobody plays depressing drunks quite like the Irish.
We aren’t playing.
Her tits are fleeing in confusion
Meet the next Carnie Wilson
Looks like somebody just drank a cigarette.
Fat bitch got stretch marks
and your point?
do you feel better about yourself now?
sweetie get over it. Stretch marks are probably a sensitive subject for you but do not take it personally. They are unatractive and there is nothing anyone can do about.
stfu again
Just spotted her next John.
She forgot her people can’t swim. That was close.
You have to admire someone with the guts to try to pull off a velvet jacket.
If she wanted to go for the Britney Murphy look, she should have gone more gray-skinned and dehydrated.
Kiefer gets to ride for half price this way.
Why YES, I’ll be in your shitty movie!! Can one of my kids be in it too?
She only about an inch away from being a Cyclops
“Indeed.”
She’s having to pull out her ID to let people know who Kimora Lee Simmons is.
Show us your MOOBS
She looks great for being 4 months pregnant.
It’s nice when pregnant women are still up for a handjob.
I wonder how many people it took to pull him off someone’s wife and dress him in that suit.
I would to “honor” him. :D
Er, add “like to” to that above sentence.
Wait… THIS is the bottle I pissed in!
Looks like the tree saw her coming and popped a little wood.
Get ready to run Allie, I think I smell a producer!
Does she have eyeballs? Never seen ‘em.
What do you think they used as breast implants?
I wonder if the Help is mental.
He makes “slob” look HAWT.
Honestly, it looks like somebody made an Eva Longoria doll out of an old saddle.
She has the hairline of Kelsey Grammar.
Finished the gallery strong as usual, well done.
under me, over me, either way.
Fuck, behind me, don’t care.
That’s gonna require some extra equipment. But maybe if you buy some of her clothing line you can yell “Where’s the beef!?!” while she nails you.
beat me to it…gonna say the farther away from Paris Hilton she gets, the better she looks.
Santa departs for his well-earned vacation.
skittley dat doo dat de doo
She’s not actually yelling. That’s just how she looks all the time now.
“Oopth! Thith ithn’t thathparilla!”
haha
or this could just be captioned, “Any club in L.A., Thursday.”
haha, no shit. So true.
It always amazes me to see people who have so much money get such shit plastic surgery.
… I’m sure she’s the pinnacle of beauty witinn some galaxy along the farthest reaches of the universe.
What’s the deal with old actors and scarves?
ELISABETTA CANALIS FOREVER!!!!!!
Just one…more…wafer…thin…mint?
Nice one
When did she grow tits?
It was a miracle…she went to her doctor’s office and came out busty. I’m planning on going go to see if I can walk out young.
That awkward moment when a suit fitting turns into an unexpected back massage
“See that nick on my forehad? If only there was a cool tale to it…”
I’ve got one like that. My wife hit me in the head with a golf club. But no, I’m not Tiger Woods.
Well, in your defense, you didn’t bang a pancake house waitress, either.
She’s obviously met Chris Brown.
Hey come on guys, cut her some slack. She’s 20 months pregnant.
I think she’s pregnant with the entire Chipotle’s menu.
Can’t think of anything but ‘Mastodon’…
Did Moses part her chest?
So, slavery is back?
Someone get this biyatch some Crest Whitening Strips…