The Crap We Missed – Friday 12.20.13

December 20th, 2013 // 358 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed coming at you early because the Internet is consumed with nothing but Duck Dynasty while the rest of us are bagging out of work to finish shopping. Also, if Fish does another post about religious conservatives, I’m pretty sure he’ll swallow his tongue. What we can all agree on, however, is that every single person in this gallery deserves our scorn and cynicism, so let’s get started on that. We’ve got Danica Patrick in the Go Daddy commercial that will be all the porn Alex Rodriguez will ever need for the rest of his life, Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall causing and out-of-body experience, and Matthew Perry taking the failure of yet another sitcom super well.

And by super well, I mean with pills. Pills and booze,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kelly Osbourne Double Chin Weight Gain Matthew Mosshart
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “The sagging jowls say ‘daughter of Ozzy Osborne,’ but the purple hair, spherical body, and neon green shoelaces say, ‘If I ever co-host a show focused on making fun of people’s appearances, someone should shoot me in the face.’”

  2. Billy Ray Cyrus Onstage With Camp Freddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Just needs a… couple… more… scarfs…

  3. Joe Jonas In Car With Other Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s not doing it right at all. Doesn’t look even remotely wasted.

  4. Billy Ray Cyrus Onstage With Camp Freddy
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t pick a scarf…FUCKIT, I’ll wear them all!”

  5. David Spade Checking Out Young Chick Walking By
    Commented on this photo:

    David legs are surprisingly nice.

  6. Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall With Braying Horse London International Horse Show
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    When twins meet.

  7. Courtney Love Drunk High Onstage With Camp Freddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she put her foot up and her diaphragm fell out

  8. Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall With Braying Horse London International Horse Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Bahahahahaha!!!

  9. David Spade Checking Out Young Chick Walking By
    Commented on this photo:

    This is my favorite picture of the day…mostly because of the inordinately long time it took me to find David Spade in it.

  10. David Spade Checking Out Young Chick Walking By
    Commented on this photo:

    Not getting much respect from GaGa

  11. Sylvester Stallone Sign Of The Cross Tonight Show Jay Leno
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time I look in the mirror I see this old geezer trying to curse me with old age so I have to be quick to protect myself.

  12. Stephanie Seymour Son Peter Brandt II Boner Boy Velvet Jacket Designer Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    The clothes say he’s gay…but his mom boner says “what the fuck is wrong with you??”

  13. Courtney Love Drunk High Onstage With Camp Freddy
    The Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    That Hole turned into a canyon! Hello (hello) hello (hello)

  14. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    Commented on this photo:

    And FYI, my penis isn’t remotely confused.

    Wise crack in 3… 2… 1…

  15. Baron Hilton Paddleboarding Girlfriend Vanessa DuBasso Butt Bikini
    Jayne
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s obviously Lindsay Lohan.

  16. Kris Humphries Boston Childrens Hospital Visit
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks thrilled to be there.

  17. Baron Hilton Paddleboarding Girlfriend Vanessa DuBasso Butt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    DuAsso.

  18. Joe Jonas In Car With Other Dude
    The Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    “I should’ve got. I should’ve fucking got it!”

    “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Joe. Nobody gets Russell Brand the first time around. Besides, you sucked way before that…”

  19. Sylvester Stallone Sign Of The Cross Tonight Show Jay Leno
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m team CoCo bitch!”

  20. Rihanna Midriff Knee High Boots
    The Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    Ann Rice’s new book….

    Queen of the damned…..retarded…

  21. Matthew Perry Scruffy Beard
    The Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    “I used to have a face like a baby’s butt…..Now I just smell like one…”

  22. Kelly Rowland Cleavage Legs Hight Slit Dress The X Factor Season Three Finale
    YadaYada
    Commented on this photo:

    Bam! Chocolate cupcake with sprinkles, please.

  23. Andy Garcia Crazy Eyes
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    When did bad-ass, “I’ll cut you” Andy Garcia become my uncle Morty?

  24. Billy Ray Cyrus Onstage With Camp Freddy
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    - What’s with the scarfs, Billy?
    - Shut up, I’m channeling Steven Tyler!
    - Maybe you should channel a dad. Miley just joined the mile high club!
    - All right! Next song: Love in an Elevator!

    • mike

      This guy can’t possibly beat Steven Tyler for parenting. “Oh, yeah, sweetie, just, that’s right, push Alicia’s thigh out just a bit more…”

  25. Stephanie Seymour Son Peter Brandt II Boner Boy Velvet Jacket Designer Jeans
    Doctor_Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor kid already has carpal tunnel syndrome thanks to his Mom.

  26. Andy Garcia Crazy Eyes
    Eejut
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he making a Judd Hirsch biopic?

  27. David Spade Checking Out Young Chick Walking By
    The Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s using the new Iflap app to transfer money into her account. Iflap, the app for the hooker on the go…..

    from the makers of Ifluk, the app for the hooker with Iflap…..

  28. Uma Thurman No Make Up Looking Tired
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    - Hello, Uma! I have a new movie ideal for you. You’ll love it. It’s classy and stylish. But first, tell me about your toes.

  29. Matthew Perry Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    he never left the 1990s

  30. Andy Garcia Crazy Eyes
    Commented on this photo:

    He was far more menacing in, well everything prior to this picture.

  31. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Well at least now her body matches her voice.

  32. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    Where's Dildo
    Commented on this photo:

    Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!!!

  33. Kelly Osbourne Double Chin Weight Gain Matthew Mosshart
    the Janitor
    Commented on this photo:

    It was a game of truth or dare. I said dare and they dared me I couldn’t become an overweight Truman Capote impersonator in a purple wig, and then he added that I should date a guy from the meat puppets. I sure showed him. Burp…..(Licks her lips) Pudding?

  34. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    Typical Redneck
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess NASCAR doesn’t piss test for Roids.

  35. Baron Hilton Paddleboarding Girlfriend Vanessa DuBasso Butt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh shit. Is he considered a celebrity now too?

  36. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that real?

  37. Courtney Love Drunk High Onstage With Camp Freddy
    Commented on this photo:

    World’s worst coke mule, for a number of reasons.

  38. Camilla Dutchess of Cornwall With Braying Horse London International Horse Show
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Too easy. What sport is there to be had when the game is simply staked out like a shooting range?

  39. Sylvester Stallone Sign Of The Cross Tonight Show Jay Leno
    Commented on this photo:

    “When Robert and I grappled in the ring, our dicks did this”

  40. Uma Thurman No Make Up Looking Tired
    Commented on this photo:

    I still can’t find David Spade.

  41. Elisabetta Gregoraci Bikini
    Polk
    Commented on this photo:

    Cross between a VS model and a UNICEF fundraising poster.

  42. Jamie Lynn Spears Goofy Smile The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    “I ruined my career by getting knocked up by my boss.”

  43. Gordon Ramsay Drunk Rose Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the long face?

  44. Uma Thurman No Make Up Looking Tired
    Chaz
    Commented on this photo:

    Quentin…My celebrity is fading fast. Any movie ideas?

  45. Gordon Ramsay Drunk Rose Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Old Chris Jericho looks sad.

  46. Hugh Jackman Swimming With Other Man
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sure this wasn’t Fire island?

  47. Danica Patrick Muscle Suit Go Daddy Super Bowl Commercial
    Dave Ain't Here, Man
    Commented on this photo:

    And for my third wish, how about a little head?

  48. Kellan Lutz Eyes Closed On Cell Phone Behind The Wheel
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    “Haha, TOMORROW night? That’s…oh…that’s so funny. Because everybody knows about two-night stands, right?”

  49. Stephanie Seymour Son Peter Brandt II Boner Boy Velvet Jacket Designer Jeans
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    Paul Reubens can retire. We have a replacement.

  50. Sylvester Stallone Sign Of The Cross Tonight Show Jay Leno
    Commented on this photo:

    Was Kris Kardashian a guest on the show that night too?

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