Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed dedicated to all the brave men and women who served to defend my right to call the Kardashians whores while simultaneously posting photos of women in bikinis riding bikes. You made the right decision. Today’s assortment features Kate Gosselin‘s first day at her new “job” – Haha! Bloggers don’t use Word. Fag. (Someone had to welcome her to the Internet.) – the face of Satan (No, it’s not Kate Gosselin again.) and prelude to a footjob I can’t wait to read about in painstaking detail.
Happy Veterans Day,
- The Superficial
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Hey, Mr Jackman…sign my Popular Mechanics?
I thought it was a promo thing from a Lincoln dealership.
Goldie Hawn is fast becoming Golden Girls.
Look, all the pieces are there, someone make a joke out of that.
Hawt.
“I see you’re wearing the Crocs I got you.”
Unfortunately, shortly after this photo was taken the monkey was caught cheating on her with Rumer.
There’s a lot to work with here: “Pee”tom…PeePingTom…Paris Hilton is a whore…
I like it!!!
“Mr. Jackman, any truth to the rumour that you’re back on Broadway?”
the dude is Irish…if you’re not drunk and pissing yourself, your citizenship expires. True story!
aww i love him so much but he looks like he’s going to die soon. please don’t die, mr. walken. i want to dance with you at my wedding
He’s always looked like he’s going to die soon. You can stop your worrying.
It’s Mickey Rourke and the mad scientist that keeps him alive
That’s not a labia, it’s a clothespin.
Wow, it’s funny, disturbing AND inexplicable. Kudos on the trifecta!
Old man’s got a reach, clutching her purse like that and all.
He’s groping for the stash. He won’t be happy when he realizes that since her legal troubles bimbo always carries it in her hot pocket.
Why is her dad wearing a scarf?
To keep his hat off his neck.
Where is Adrienne Curry in her slave outfit when you need her?
Look at her face and chin – gotta be his daughter. Either that or he wants to date himself.
and this is why old men should not color their hair. EW.
Ashton looks much cuter in this pic.
To be fair he did make it as far as the gents.
That look of quiet desperation…
I want her to sit on my face.
From the looks of it, it’s probably drool.
The person taking his picture with the cassette tape is who he should be worried about.
He will probably go home and put it in his BetaMax to get the picture.
Notice there are no pictures of her kids on her desk… :P
Nice catch! WTF.
It’s her first day. Do you usually go into the office your very first day of work armed with personal stuff? Gotta wait a bit on that…
“Hooker’s here, gotta go!”
Not pictured: Verne Troyer
She made the mistake of looking at her dress for more than 10 seconds and got cross eyed
Yummy.
That’s a great example of a flat assed Asian
Moments later, she googled Sasha Grey.
Sasha Grey….ATM…”I’m Feeling Lucky”
Looks like she’s receiving an epic rimjob.
Show us your bung!
Looks like he’s carrying that watch again.
Dysentery is a bitch.
A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
That’s exactly what I was going to say.
Man, her monkey is almost as hairy as her beaver.
I have not been the same since Googling that shit.
Seconds later, the venom glands beneath her tongue fired and blinded this photographer.
Quite a contrast from the previous pict.
“Mr. Cruise, she’s trying to escape!”
I can’t believe that this beautiful woman is peddling her ass all over the island.
Most likely she’d doing the Maui Downhill. Start at the top of the volcano and coast down – so not a lot of actual pedaling goes one there. One of the best things to do.
people don’t do Maui Downhill in a bikini and slippers. Looks like she’s riding around Wailea/Makena.
Low flying aircraft…everyone duck. Well done. Went right over your heads.
I got it.
I got it, but it wasn’t funny enough to respond to…just the incorrect Maui Downhill comment.
Like a little seal!
Smiling in a picture for the first time. No kids around in a picture for the first time. Coincidence?
***ALERT***ALERT***ALERT***ALERT***
Contrary to public opinion, it turns out that Kate Gosselin actually does have the ability to smile. Her smile looks very pretty. That’s because during her lifetime, at least her ADULT lifetime, her smile has been used only once or twice.
Stay tuned. Film at 11…
I had to scroll to see it wasn’t just of the girl.
This car is 100% death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.
“I’m smiling right?”
But what I do have is a very peculiar wet spot; a wet spot I have acquired over a very long night of drinking. A wet spot that makes me a nightmare for people like you. If you direct me to a toilet now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not soak myself, I will not create a puddle. But if you don’t, I will empty myself, I will let it all out, and I will flood the sidewalk.
Rosie O’donell?
Wait, you mean that’s NOT the ugly daughter from Roseanne?
He can’t really be an old guy until his belt buckles above his nipples. Oh, it does? Never mind.
You’ll be happy to know that monkey has a 12″ penis. That’s right, he’s SIX times bigger than Ashton!
So Demi Moore is banging The Situation now?