The Crap We Missed – Friday 10.7.11

October 7th, 2011 // 614 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed featuring me talking about absolutely none of the photos in it because, on a serious note, huge thanks to Photo Boy for filling in while I dealt with some family shit. He earned his vacation next week, so you folks are stuck with little ol’ me, and I hope you like posts where I break down crying and pissing myself because I don’t know how to work the coffeemaker. Also, huge thanks to everyone for the well wishes and being badass readers. I don’t know what I’d do without you, except I do and it’s work retail. *holds up cardboard sign reading, “WILL BLOWJAY YOU TO READ MY DICK JOKES”*

In the meantime, due to the shit-crazery of this week, Most Important People will not be seen this weekend, so I understand if a couple of you have to commit suicide tomorrow. It’s honestly the only reasonable reaction here.

Enjoy the highly unorthodox Final Five that I’m not gonna lie is totally for me,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Katie Holmes Tom Cruise Hold Hands
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, honey, the next part I’m going to play is a guy named Jack Reacher. He’s 6’5″ and weighs 250 pounds. You don’t suppose that’s type-casting, do ya?”

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Stupid surname. Squatter is better, for him. Tuck and Roll, now that’s a good buddy cop idea.

  2. Lady Gaga Side Boob
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is Lady Gaga calling Heathrow Tower Control requesting clearance for take off…”

  3. Jack Black
    Commented on this photo:

    “C’mon, Bitch, squeeze my arm tighter against your tit or next time my date will have huge melons!”

  4. Sharon Stone Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    Sharon Stone spent most of her weekend wandering around Brentwood trying to find her beauty.

  5. Robin Williams Glenn Close
    Commented on this photo:

    “Back off. You’re too Close.”

  6. Mario Lopez Daughter Gia
    Commented on this photo:

    That little cutie doesn’t have Down’s Syndrome. She’s perfect. Except, maybe, for her parentage.

  7. Paris Hilton
    SIN
    Commented on this photo:

    When he said he was her biggest fan, she had no idea he meant the biggest by weight.

  8. Sharon Stone Nipples
    SIN
    Commented on this photo:

    She is so old only one nipple is awake.

  9. Josh Groban Shirtless
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now I gotta let you in on a joke. I used to be a guy,”

  10. Snoop Dogg Hoodie
    Commented on this photo:

    Snoop Dogg getting ready to cut the ribbon opening the brand new Alzheimer’s Memorial Bridge.

  11. Kim Kardashian Butt Kourtney Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    “Pssst, Kim…do you have any idea how they put all of these marks on this paper…and why?

  12. Pippa Middleton
    Commented on this photo:

    Ohhhh, I see! So THAT’S what PMS looks like.

  13. Rachel Bilson
    Commented on this photo:

    When she opens the suitcase and folds it all the way out, it’s a 30 foot sailboat.

  14. Maggie Gyllenhaal Cowboy Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    All dressed up to go riding and there’s not even one fucking horse in sight!

  15. Kayte Walsh Kelsey Grammer Make Out Boss
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hold still, honey while I suck that last little piece of sushi out of your teeth.”

  16. Rihanna
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’ll never eat haggis again!”

  17. Brooke Shields
    Commented on this photo:

    “Come with me, little fellow, and I’ll teach you some things about the birds and the bees.”

  18. Britney Spears
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    The deadest eyes I have ever seen, after Katie Holmes of course.

  19. Enrique Iglesias Fan Make Out Butt Grab
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    They could not ever pay me enough to do what he does.

  20. Paris Hilton
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Pants trying to be on the ground.

  21. Mel B Cleavage Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Ignorance. Apathy.

  22. Sharon Stone Nipples
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    must….have….pokies….or….they….won’t….take….pictures.

  23. Keanu Reeves Motorcycle Helmet
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it winter in LA already?

  24. Demi Lovato
    Commented on this photo:

    Demi, honey, you look so tired. Let me get down there between your legs and help you put that other shoe on.

  25. Snoop Dogg Hoodie
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    They finally let him into England?

  26. Amy Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    “OWWWWW…get off my fucking toe, you goddamn asshole!”

  27. Pippa Middleton
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boyfriend just told her she’s gained a few pounds.

  28. Rachel Bilson
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonderbra fail.

  29. Amy Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she looks sort of gothic-sexy in this pic. The gal behind her is doable as well.

  30. Kayte Walsh Kelsey Grammer Make Out Boss
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Her only thought. Ka-ching!

  31. Amy Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I’ll follow her home and help her get showered up.

  32. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Maria just gave him a right cross for good measure.

  33. Martha Stewart Baby Stroller
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    “Damned motor went down on this thing and I actually have to push this little bitch around!”

  34. Amy Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn. Purty mouth.

  35. Paris Hilton
    FLgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    how many of her could fit inside of him

  36. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    normal looking people (Paris) standting next to ugly people makes them look better. normal people (man) standing next to obvious stupid people makes them look more intelligent.

  37. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    If she’s Paris then he must be Detroit.

  38. Mario Lopez Daughter Gia
    Commented on this photo:

    “buurrppp!!!”

  39. Snoop Dogg Hoodie
    Commented on this photo:

    That sweater is sick. Hope they have white on black.

  40. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    Ohh!! my nipples!!! Arrr!!!

  41. Sharon Stone Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face says bright and sunny, but her titts say cold and horny.

  42. Pippa Middleton
    Commented on this photo:

    “I hate being on the bloody rag”

  43. Kim Kardashian Butt Kourtney Kardashian
    journalschism
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that really Kourtney? I thought that was Schwarzenegger’s grocery-fetching side piece.

  44. Keanu Reeves Motorcycle Helmet
    Norton
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa! That bike was caught with much ease!

  45. Amy Lee
    lynnsey
    Commented on this photo:

    HELLO REDNECK VIKING BAND MEMBER. Do want.

  46. Pippa Middleton
    Frunken
    Commented on this photo:

    Her plain is showing

  47. Paris Hilton
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    qith the cancelation of her latest reality show, the rumor mill is abuzz that paris hilton is desperately lining up possible candidates for a *very special golden shower* video extravaganza.

  48. Kim Kardashian Butt Kourtney Kardashian
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Look! This thing has wordies and pichurs on it!

  49. Britney Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking very Wide-Eyed.
    A bit like Liza Minnelli.

  50. Kim Kardashian Butt Kourtney Kardashian
    Isa
    Commented on this photo:

    Why would anybody wear all white? Specially when you’re this thick

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