The Crap I Missed – Russell Simmons Paid Good Money For This, Doesn’t Want To Pull a Hammy

December 10th, 2012 // 65 Comments
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“And take it down to Wealthy Elderly Pervert’s Pose. Exhale. Gaze into $1500/hr.”

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap I Missed which you’ve probably already noticed isn’t the usual collection of titties and buffoonery. Except it sort of is, because this entire gallery is the odd shapes that make up Russell Simmons‘ body alternating with his indentured servant “girlfriend,” who, according to the photo agency, is German model Hanna Nitsche. See? And you guys are always saying these nice young ladies are Russian prostitutes.

That’s racist,

- Photo Boy

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Say, you are a fine lookin white woman, if you are growing pubic hair I’ll take you!

    • Sister Ray

      Spam Alert! Go to the video and get hit with a crap ad for work-at-home-and-get-rich and when you try to leave the page there’s a pop-up that defies my ad/pop-up blocker. So fuck you to the asshole who posted this.

  2. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Contusion
    Commented on this photo:

    What? Oh no…just stretching. Really. Not trying to look at your ass.

  3. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the Viagra hasn’t kicked in yet.

  4. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    This ‘relationship’ is as ludicrous as it is repellent . . .

  5. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Busted….especially for Miami.

    Get your shit together, Russell

  6. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Black Quasimodo?

  7. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    peanut
    Commented on this photo:

    i love me some chicago heartburn…especially when it looks as tasty as that.

  8. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    First and mehhh

  9. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    If he can bend like that, why is he even wasting money on the hookers?

  10. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Josh
    Commented on this photo:

    mmmmmm RIBS! :-P

  11. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Mr. Sensitive
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey look, it’s one of the female commenters in the red swimsuit.

  12. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do Balki!”

  13. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Sara
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s official. The crap we missed turned in to…. just crap.

  14. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Kat
    Commented on this photo:

    Silverback

  15. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Montana`
    Commented on this photo:

    Man I HATE Russel Simmons, and I don’t even know what he’s famous for. I wonder why? (Sigh) I must be a racist.

    • Schmidtler

      He’s that guy that’s famous for being an ugly dipshit that wears baseball caps with 3 piece suits everywhere he goes, and pays German Hookers to make pretend they’re his girlfriends.

    • Most racists are idiots first. So you do show the traits. Any jackass that knows music or comedy knows who Russell or his brother is. But like I said… You do show the traits. Idiot!

  16. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Toothface.

  17. Sardonic

    It’s really just a simple math : 55 yrs old + $340 Million = smokin’ hot 27 yr. old model

  18. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, Amber Rose, put your clothes back on, girl!

  19. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Sandoucheky
    Commented on this photo:

    This. Mother. Fucker.

  20. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Jentilly
    Commented on this photo:

    Very discreet

  21. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Buddha told me to bang this like a dirty dog…so I may find my compassion.

  22. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She models from the neck down.

  23. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope everyone is happy with their end of the transaction.

  24. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    That stomach is growing at an alarming rate…from frame to frame it grows like a terrible beast.

  25. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    So you fund a clothing line, get a bunch of hip designers to work for you….and then start importing Ukrainian, Russian and Eastern European Models who will have to rely on you for their green card.
    I wish I had come up with that business plan.

  26. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Ew…. butterface

  27. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    El Jefe
    Commented on this photo:

    Cracks me up how he is so pro-black all the time when he speaks but 99.9999999% of the women he is with are not black, and 98% of them are usually white. lol

    This man is such a goddamn clown and a hypocrite I can’t take anything he does or says seriously.

    • Schmidtler

      a couple hundred million in the bank, an endless parade of willing young poon, but I’m sure he can’t make it through another day without the love and support of you, el jefe.

    • I Have More Words Than You

      It’s easy to judge when you’re jealous, and a racist, and could be bought and sold a trillion times by the guy of whom you are jealous. “Pro-black”? That has to be the most ignorant thing I’ve read in a while, and I read things on the internet!

  28. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Michael
    Commented on this photo:

    Spell “red”.

    L-S-T-R.

    Or however Beetlejuice spells it.

  29. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    barter
    Commented on this photo:

    Indeed, zee price is $1000 U.S. But you must wait until zee negro is done.

  30. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Batman
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t blame a guy for going for the hottest girl he can find. It’s hard enough to get ANY girl, if you can somehow convince a white girl to be your boyfriend, that’s considered a jackpot. The thing I’m wondering is what she sees in him? Money? Personality? Can’t be looks…

  31. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Batman
    Commented on this photo:

    er… Girlfriend, my mistake.

  32. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The rare dog-faced stork appears on a Miami beach.

  33. BSName

    I have no idea what you are talking about. 22 year old German models are often attracted to 55 year old American black men. This has nothing to do with his $340 million net worth.

  34. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Leather Balls
    Commented on this photo:

    Love cape

  35. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    LilDeuceDeuce
    Commented on this photo:

    “Kim Kardashian Flaunts Sexy Beach Body” (pictured on left)

  36. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    that was a nice ass.

    WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE HER FACE ??!!

  37. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Tyler Perry
    Commented on this photo:

    GOO!!

  38. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Ripley's Believe It Or Not
    Commented on this photo:

    Grandpa is giving his niece a kiss. How lovely.

  39. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Oz Matters
    Commented on this photo:

    She is practicing the “de-facto settlement” pose where she has both of Russell’s balls between the finger and the thumb.

  40. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    TheArtimus
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Bruce Willis give Russell Simmons the ok to bang his daughter?

  41. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Elf
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I the only one picturing sir David Attenborough popping up behind her, going: “An astonishing site that nature sometimes gives us a glimpse of. Real, natural breasts. A rarer and rarer occurrence in our society.”

  42. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Neal
    Commented on this photo:

    Ahhhh, so that’s why they call it a vertical smile!

  43. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Jimbob
    Commented on this photo:

    cute little implants… i hate it when chiks get implants that are sensible…i like them ridiculus

  44. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    bikini_inspector
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck you guys there’s nothing wrong with her face :p

    • Cock Dr

      I think she’s quite pretty….on the outside.
      Makes you wonder what demons are on the inside….horrible things that eventually compelled her to be on Miami Beach at Russell Simmon’s side.

  45. [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4nm6fvh0a1qbko0io1_1280.jpg[/img]

  46. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    He did the same thing to the big girl in the pink when she walked by.

  47. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    BiJenni
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d eat it.

  48. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone else notice she looks like she’s wearing glitter?

  49. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    bobthebob
    Commented on this photo:

    a little more…a little more…OK now I can reach your wallet

  50. Russell Simmons Yoga Hanna Nitsche Bikini
    queque
    Commented on this photo:

    old fart

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