It’s been a long, long time since I’ve done a caption gallery this large. In fact, it’s been so many years that the old ones didn’t even survive the migration from Movable Type to WordPress, essentially flushing hours upon hours of my life down the Internet toilet. Ahahahaha! *cries curled up in the shower for 18 hours* Anyway, as most of you noticed, Captain America‘s costume in The Avengers looks questionable as hell, but what you didn’t know is that I left out the shots that really make you wonder how this movie isn’t going to Joel Schumacher every single one of us in the movie butthole. And I did that because apparently Chris Evans spends 98% of production making the Gomer-iest faces you will ever see in your life, so naturally, I had to add captions to them along with a running gag about Thor eating a salad. On that note, please enjoy the dorkiest thing I’ve ever asthma-inhaled onto The Superficial because it seemed more fun that just taking a vow of celibacy.
I spend a lot of time by myself,
- The Superficial
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News
who in the RED WHITE BLACK AND BLUE HIS FACE WITH MY FIST is this fucker?????? that doesnt look like the guy from t he captn america movie, wtf?
whos that guy at the front? frodo?
“Pull thy finger, brother Loki, and witness why they call me the God of THUNDER!!”
Evans thinking “One and a half movies down. Four and a half to go. Damn!!”
Japanese take out? Check!
Bathrobe? Check!
Piss anywhere I want in Central Park cause I’m a star? Check!
Say, who’s that behind those Foster Grants???
“Yeah, thought so, Thor! You got some crap caught in between your teeth from eating that sushi. I got some floss back on Asgard.”
“Why yes, Thor would love a strawberry and chocolate milkshake. Where can thee find one?”
“Screw Iron Man’s gadgets!! This thingy right here? Push it and I fart Red, White, and Blue, Baby!!!”
That’s the beauty of tired old Pull My Finger jokes, they’re all NEW to Cap!!
“Aye. Once thy goes black, thy never goes back. Verily.”
Cap-”For the last time, I don’t want to play with your shaft!!”
Hawkeye-”I love messin’ with Cap!”
“Stand aside, Midgardian in sweater and cheap slacks! Brother Loki and I must find thee a White Castle!”
“You think this A on my head stands for France? Austria, maybe but definitely not France.”
“He IS peeing, Scarlett, and his wee-wee is only THIS big!! Tee Hee!”
“I’m walkin’ here! I’m walkin’ here!!”
Cap-”I got a theme song? You got a theme song? Chicks dig a theme song!”
Widow (thinking)-”I got a headache!!”
Cap-”I had a sidekick. You got a sidekick? If you had a sidekick, what would his name be? I don’t see you with a sidekick….”
Hawkeye (thinking)-”Dude’s mind has gone to mush from that Super Soldier ‘roid they gave him back in ’42.”
Tony-”So, give me five bucks and you can have this motorcycle.”
Steve-”Um, okay. Wait! Doesn’t it belong to those Hell’s Angels guys over there?”
Evans-”I totally just left a big shit in Whedon’s trailer!! The schmuck’s gonna blame Downey jr.!!”
“Business in the front!
Party in the back!!”
Cap-”Anyone wanna “salute” the “flag pole?” Don’t be shy, ladies!!”
The Mighty Thor vs. The Men without Socks!!
Shirley you can’t be serious!
She is serious. And don’t call her Shirley.
WIN!
“Oh yeah! LSD kickin’ in!”
Thor-”I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you….”
Loki-”DAD! Tell Thor to leave me alone!!”
Hemswoth-”It’s true, mate!! We’re all descended from convicts!”
RDJ-”Holy crap! So, like, 15 years ago, if it was 1800 & 60 or something and England, I would have gotten shipped out to down under. Too cool, man!”
“Zounds! By the filthy stench of Odin’s arse, Stark, thy quarter is NOT behind my ear!!”
“What does it mean when thy Widow proclaims that if I bring the HAMMER, I can NAIL her anytime???”
The Avengers and the JLA were the hero icons but this, this shit blows worse than a chick with braces…
The Avengers and JLA were the icons of comic book heroes and the movies should be epic. But this shit blows worse than a chic with braces.
Who is this fucking simpleton and what’s with the ever-present shit-eating grin?
Herp a derp
Occupy Asgard!
“Say hello to my little friend !”
Comic-Con was in Jersey this year?
I actually liked The Incredible Hulk more than Captain America.
I would have liked Thor a lot more if the movie would have set more in Asgard instead of having to watch a damn love story in New Mexico where Thor has no powers.
Couldnt they find geekier dudes to play superheroes?