The 85th Annual Academy Awards

February 25th, 2013 // 208 Comments

Here are the rest of the Oscars because after spending all night on Twitter I can’t talk about them anymore without living in fear of another Seth MacFarlane musical number. Holy shit, a man who can sing! What unexpected wonders you possess, Hollywood! In the meantime, if you’re looking for Anne Hathaway‘s nipple dress and/or Jennifer Lawrence‘s breasts, they got their own posts because I didn’t see either of the movies they won for which I’m sure wasn’t what they were after anyway. “Well, the script’s good, but if I’m nominated for an award can I make my nips look like giant triangle knives? That’s mostly what I’m interested in.”

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Snooki's Taint
    Commented on this photo:

    Naaaaah. Too obvious

    • Randal

      The awards last night were a hit, displaying many talented men and women, who have shaped Hollywood to be the force it is today. Outfits dazzled, smiles sparkled and laughs were abound as star after star arrived on the red carpet.

      By far, that wolf of a man George Clooney looked his best with that nibble of a woman, Stacy Keibler on his arm. Couple of the year.

      Randal

  2. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Weeblo
    Commented on this photo:

    Amanda: So I went down on him like this
    Jessica: Wow you can handle a lot!

  3. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    FattyFatty2X4
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s taking method acting to a whole new level.
    Linda Lovelace bio pic should be swelling.

  4. Olivia Munn 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    How much dick did this broad suck to get invited to the oscars?

  5. Channing Tatum Jenna Dewan 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sorry but this guy looks like such a fucking simpleton.

  6. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Alex
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can open my mouth this wide.”
    “Amusing, but I asked which way the restrooms were dear.”

  7. Keith Urban Nicole Kidman: 85th Annual Academy Awards
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Keith: “Hi, vagina!”
    Kidman’s vagina, muffled: “Mi, Meef!”

  8. Helena Bonham Carter 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    If a bunch of twigs is a faggot, what’s a bunch of rags?

  9. Samantha Barks 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s Mayan

  10. Sari Gilman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    If she looks like this now, I can imagine her face after 4 hours.

  11. Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked great.

  12. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    That image is the exact position in 1000s of porn actresses in a threesome scene,GGB, especially the PRIVATE Euro porn. They actually shot on live locations and the actresses try to keep it classy,see clothes…….Money shot coming………..

  13. Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I was ready to scream when they trotted out that ‘All That Jazz’ shit again.

  14. Keith Urban Nicole Kidman: 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously Fembot walk. Urban u know it ,(Bender laugh by Keith)

  15. Halle Berry 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Her rack looked particularly lovely this evening.

  16. Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Ginger + little freckles=Bonner

  17. Amanda Seyfried Jessica Chastain 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Casting couch flashbacks, no doubt. Hollywood’s PTSD.

  18. Nicole Kidman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Nic looked nice. Loved the dress.

  19. Nicole Kidman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet she’s crying on the inside.

  20. Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks better without the Cryptkeeper at her side.

  21. Salma Hayek 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Honestly, who the fuck decided she should wear that?

  22. Olivia Munn 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Flesh Gordon
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck off Munngolian

  23. Charlize Theron 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Hans Solo
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck off you fake, no talent cunt.

  24. Maria Menounos 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Jack Napier
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s been using smilexssssssssss

  25. Maria Menounos 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Maria
    Commented on this photo:

    LOVE that joker!

  26. Nicole Kidman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    When she was on stage she even moved her face and shit.

  27. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Mark B
    Commented on this photo:

    This could have beem Michonne on The Walking Dead, but AMC thought it would be cheaper to use a black actress and TWO walkers.

  28. Justin Theroux Jennifer Aniston 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Jenstin
    Commented on this photo:

    Yea, I settled.

  29. Keith Urban Nicole Kidman: 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Ehhhhh, okay, so maybe I had a bottle of Yukon Jack.

  30. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck did she do to her face?

  31. Halle Berry 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t realize the event had a “Running Man” theme.

  32. Amy Adams 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Mista Snazzy
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember that seen in Ghostbusters 2 where that old rich lady with the fur coat walks into that pink slim and dead animals “come alive” and try to eat her? Well this photo reminds me of that exact, EXACT moment. The magic is truly in the air (or in my pants). Take your pick.

  33. Olivia Munn 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly she was there based on her strong, character-driven work in Magic Mike.

    That’s all I’ve got.

  34. Olivia Munn 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    On the other hand, the bolt-ons look pretty good in this dress.

  35. Salma Hayek 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    My word, but she still cuts an impressive figure.

    • She does cut an impressive figure, but I must say the way she grips her pink purse makes it look like she’s trying to arm-wrestle it.

  36. George Clooney Stacy Keibler 85th Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if Moses coat-checked the Ten Commandments or just left them at home.

  37. Nicole Kidman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Always looks better after she’s had a few from the flask.

  38. Why

    For crying out loud, who the fuck keeps letting Kristen Stewart “present” awards? Seriously. She stumbled on the stage with that Harry Potter kid and was more jittery than a meth head going through withdrawal. And that bruise on her arm? Classy! Her makeup artists couldn’t cover that up? Wow.

  39. Stacy Keibler 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Homina homina!

  40. George Clooney Stacy Keibler 85th Academy Awards
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s nice to see he brought his granddaughter.

  41. Naomi Watts 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    That dress looks like the thermal lining in my lunch bag.

  42. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    One of these things is not like the other.

  43. Catherine Zeta-Jones 85th Annual Academy Awards
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she had some cheekbone work done. What a pity. A bit of sparkle has gone from the eyes as well. I guess old man penis will do that to a woman.

  44. Helena Bonham Carter 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Granny needs to start covering her arms.

  45. Nicole Kidman 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Madame Tussaude’s brought their wax dolls to the oscars…

  46. Halle Berry 85th Annual Academy Awards
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    That hairstyle is just a reflection of her brain.

  47. Keith Urban Nicole Kidman: 85th Annual Academy Awards
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    If a female Terminator approached me, I’d be a little bashful too.

  48. Salma Hayek 85th Annual Academy Awards
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    As long as she brought her boobs, I do not care what the rest looks like.

  49. Halle Berry 85th Annual Academy Awards
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “OK, which one of you said ‘Beetlejuice’ three times?”

  50. Samantha Barks 85th Annual Academy Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Vaguely similar to Catherine Zeta-Jones, no?

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