That’s coke.

May 21st, 2010 // 73 Comments

Like most people I punched 25 lawyers in the face when I found out Lindsay posted bail and won’t be arrested upon arrival at LAX. Fortunately there’s a powdery light at the end of that tunnel because the judge who threw the book at her believes Lindsay has violated her probation. Which is surprising because it’s not like TMZ has photos of her at Cannes this week partying in front of lines of coke. Oh, wait.

At this point, I’m just waiting for the judge to reveal she’s psychic because I don’t see any conceivable way for this to go worse for Lindsay.

JUDGE: Ms. Lohan, tell me what you did last night.
LINDSAY: Read a book.
JUDGE: Wrong. You snorted coke off your sister. What did you do this morning?
LINDSAY: Ate breakfast.
JUDGE: Wrong. You snorted coke off your mom because your sister was in the shower. What did you do before arriving to court?
LINDSAY: Snorted coke?
JUDGE: WRONG! You were out so you called your dad and he said he’d bring some if you go on Access Hollywood with him.
LINDSAY: *cries*
SUPERFICIAL WRITER: *laughs at his computer*
AMERICA: *comes together as a nation*
TERRORISM: *quits*

Fin.

Photos: TMZ
superficial

  1. ä

    first…

    FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!

  2. havoc

    *SNORT*

    .

  3. AQUARIAN

    it could be a joint.

  4. Deacon Jones

    Chalk one out for me! At least leave me a gummie!

  5. John Belushi's Ghost

    Good Jesus Christ, why doesn’t she just f’ing OD already and put her out of my misery. Freckled, no-talent cum bucket.

  6. pj

    It could also be a reflection of an iPhone on the glass table…

  7. vesuvio

    C’mon, don’t be stupid. Of course it’s not coke.

    If it was, Lindsay would’ve already sniffed it in.

  8. It's Me Fuckers

    is she holding a straw for each nostril in her hand? Christ. I winder how she is going to try and deflect this one. Now add the pictures of her shoes exploding with coke and see what she has to say, lol. Dumbass.

  9. L

    I’m sure this is all part of her plan to become relevant again.

  10. Valerie

    NICE post, man.

  11. Um… Mr. thesuperficial…. You have a typo in this. I didn’t know gods among men did that. You’re just a big fat phony.

  12. Master Spook

    I see you.

  13. Photoshop Police

    It could easily be a ground up pack of smarties candies or pixie stix or non-dairy creamer.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    We should not be getting so much bliss from this ‘Schadenfreude’.

  14. FrankNfrtr

    Maybe.
    Come home Lilo! We’ve got a pretty bracelet for you to wear.

  15. Lauren

    It’s probably coke, but when I look at the photo it looks like a cigarette.. only because it looks like whatever the fuck is in her hands.

    Either way, whether it’s snapped in a photo or not, it’s not like she can deny being a coke addict. Her ex twitters it to the world..

  16. Nero

    Is she abducted by gypsies?

  17. havoc

    #7 has a point. Any coke in that room would already be in Lindsay.

    .

  18. BB

    That could be anyinthg… the fact that there is a credit card next to them isn’t helping…

  19. BB

    That could be anyinthg… the fact that there is a credit card next to them isn’t helping…

  20. DINA LOHAN

    These vicious lies must stop! Obviously My Lindsay was just rehearsing for her role as Linda Lovelace. I should know I was there the entire time; boy, my baby girl is gonna be getting an Oscar fo sho! See that woman’s 70′s hair? What more proof do you want? That’s not coke, that’s icing sugar. Lindsay Lohan is an international sensation with the world watching her every move. Do you really believe she would do cocaine? And even if that was cocaine (which it isn’t) then so what I mean SHE’S TWENTY-THREE for crying out loud, IT’S NORMAL. Do you see any date on these pictures?..These are not from last night, Lindsay was frantically searching the French embassy and the highest echelons of French government for her passport last night. These pictures were deliberately taken out of context by spies sent by Lindsay’s ex-father to frame her.

    ps: Sold Cody to white slave traders to pay Lindsay’s bail…it’s ok though, that one’s not famous.

  21. Captain_Insano

    What a useless cunt.

  22. Tek

    I told you nothing was gonna happen…

  23. OLD GREEEEGG

    What a fucking idiot! This girl has had everything handed to her on a silver platter with SO MANY opprotunities to be a successful singer and actor (even though she sucks at both). She’s just throwing it all away. I hope she dies soon so I can stop hearing about her worthless ass.

  24. Rebecca

    that’s totally the reflection of an IPhone… like without a doubt.

  25. @ 24

    white trash values die hard

  26. @6 I think you are right. The juice would get in the way. The key card points to something else though. Speculation speculation…

  27. Suz

    Those are some hog lines. And where are her pants??

  28. e

    i wanna go to france.

  29. jumpin_j

    WTF (as in WHERE THE $#@!) did she or her “people” find the money to post her bail? And WTF (as in WHY THE$#@!) do they even bother?

  30. Her Dad

    I planted the coke and cut it in lines with her passport that I had someone steal.

  31. @23 Immature people have a hard time coping with their crappy childhoods, do they not?. At some point she grew up, realized she was completely empty and alone, decided to fill herself up with drugs and human fluids in crowded places.

  32. mah

    it looks more like a phone and the reflection of it………

  33. offended fred

    She doesn’t DO cocaine, she just really likes the way it smells …

  34. offended fred

    She doesn’t DO cocaine, she just really likes the way it smells …

  35. I meant @ 23 not @ 24

  36. Saturday

    I liked the “Fin.” Very classy touch.

  37. fritboom

    I’m sure the coke is to dull her asshole for hot french anal action!

    HUZZAH!

  38. AnnaDraconida

    …and that comes as a surprise to precisely NO ONE.

  39. You are hilarious dude.

  40. GG1000

    While I don’t doubt she’s familiar with cocaine, what’s in that particular picture is the edge of a black phone reflecting back the flash and then reflected in the tray and what looks like the side of a box of matches.

    More to the point, who ARE those other people in the picture? Scary.

  41. Lindsey getting out of going to jail is just another example of the skewed legal system in California where celebrities get off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist no matter what they do.

    Alexis Neiers will likely get out after serving a couple days and Lindsey will never go to jail, never wear the bracelet, never show up for drug testing and will basically make the judge in this case look like a complete fool. I’ll bet we’ll see photos of Lindsey out in LA drunk off her ass before the end of the weekend.

    On other fronts, I have been jerking off non-stop to Richard Blumenthal since becoming aware of him the other day. Just imagining him bent over in front of me really get my dick hard.

    Later,

    Mitch

  42. bar room hero

    this slag is a total hoover…I wonder how much her “habit” costs per week.

    Never saw the appeal of coke; sure the high is godlike, but the crash is extremely shitty and drip sucks.

  43. Rex Kramer-Danger Seeker

    What dead animal is that other broad wearing on her head?

  44. ginger

    It’s a phone and a reflection. The coke is already snorted. But, the real question is… what the hell milky drink is that. Ewie.

  45. arealcad

    Coke Mirror Time Machine.

  46. Modwild

    Who on earth is she with? If she found a time machine, I want in! She is obviously somehow spending her time in the 70s. No wonder she couldn’t get back for court. Those time machines can be tricky, I’m sure.

  47. She really needs to fuck off and die already…Well, she needs to blow me until I goop her, then die.

  48. Dr. John "Always at Your Cervix!"

    The new hip way to take vitamins…chop them up and cut them into lines, then snort!

    No, wait! I think it’s a weather balloon.

  49. mike

    That guy is brave to take LiLo back to his place. I bet she ransacks the place before leaving.

  50. denne

    actually it looks like there’s a tiny dark spiral notepad on the tray. the closest white line is the paper in the notebook and the one further away is the reflection of the other end of the pages off the tray…

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