Like most people I punched 25 lawyers in the face when I found out Lindsay posted bail and won’t be arrested upon arrival at LAX. Fortunately there’s a powdery light at the end of that tunnel because the judge who threw the book at her believes Lindsay has violated her probation. Which is surprising because it’s not like TMZ has photos of her at Cannes this week partying in front of lines of coke. Oh, wait.
At this point, I’m just waiting for the judge to reveal she’s psychic because I don’t see any conceivable way for this to go worse for Lindsay.
JUDGE: Ms. Lohan, tell me what you did last night.
LINDSAY: Read a book.
JUDGE: Wrong. You snorted coke off your sister. What did you do this morning?
LINDSAY: Ate breakfast.
JUDGE: Wrong. You snorted coke off your mom because your sister was in the shower. What did you do before arriving to court?
LINDSAY: Snorted coke?
JUDGE: WRONG! You were out so you called your dad and he said he’d bring some if you go on Access Hollywood with him.
SUPERFICIAL WRITER: *laughs at his computer*
AMERICA: *comes together as a nation*