That Russian Spy Chick is in Maxim

October 22nd, 2010 // 174 Comments

I don’t know much about the Anna Chapman spy story, and apparently neither does Wikipedia, but based solely on this spread in Maxim Russia could it really have been that bad? I mean, the Cold War ended 20 years ago. Unless the Russians are secretly developing a more delicious vodka, I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Which is why I volunteer myself to make Anna my mail-order bride because everyone knows all their women are available for that sort of thing. Not to mention these situations almost always end in hysterical recordings. Trust me, it’ll be fun.

ME: You’re gonna get karate-sexed by a pack of Orientals walkin’ round with those fakers.
ANNA: You are terrible, terrible man.
ME: Oh, I’ll give you terrible. *squeaking sound*
ANNA: Why you are pressing genitals against patio door?
ME: (Just keep narrating like I told you, baby.) I GIVE AND I GIVE AND I GIVE…
ANNA: I am, how you say, uncomfortable with this. *turns off recorder*
ME: Quick, handjob me before the Jews burn the house down and make it look like I did it!

Photos: Pacific Coast News/Maxim Russia


  1. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Makes ya wish you were a thong, numm numm numm.

  2. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Terrible airbrushing job. Looks almost like a painting.

  3. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Uncle Jemima
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s stupid looking. “You want to see my BIG RUSSIAN PUSSY? DA?”

  4. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or does something look off about these photos? Like her head/hair is too big for her body or a really bad photoshop?

  5. Gallo

    “American magazine puts a fckin Russian spy on cover.”

    You mean “Russian Magazine that licenses a name from the original BRITISH magazine.” But ignorance is bliss.

    • Anonymous

      I never looked that hard at it, creepy freak. And does it really matter?, she is a fckin spy making money for being a fckin spy…you ignorant, immoral, no integrity, worthless little dick anti-American.

      you got the fckin point, now go fck yourself with your little weewee and loose, filthy ass/
      everyone else, have a beautiful day:)

      • George Bushless


        And you wonder why most of the world thinks all Americans are retarded inbred hillbilly assholes…your living proof!

  6. 3BE3DA

    I thought being an “older American” means that you would at least try to read your way around the pictures before getting confused and crapping all over yourself with disdain… :)

    • Anonymous









      • 3BE3DA

        Yeah, because “white people” apparently subside on the lexicon of “f*ck”, “shit”, and “cock”… I think, it’s time for you to get off your fat white ass and learn a few new words… It may just keep you off Welfare long enough for the “hope” and “change” to kick in. Because of functionally illiterate dipshits like yourself, the Americans have a reputation of worthless retards all over the world… :)

      • Anonymous


        ID BE PISSED TOO!!

      • 3BE3DA

        It just seems little to you because your anus is so stretched out from constantly shoving stuff up there…

  7. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Her eyes are creeping me out.

  8. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Probably the best of these photos. Although that’s not saying a whole lot.

  9. RasputinsLiver


    007 with a killer figure and face.



  10. The spy who rough me

    If you were going to pick an ugly girl out of a line up, that’s the one you’ll pick? You atta

  11. 1rough foot on the pulse of celebrity news

    Only half of my post appeared. whats up with that…

    If you were going to pick an ugly girl out of a line up, that’s the one you’ll pick? You atta

  12. 1rough foot on the pulse of celebrity news

    If you were going to pick an ugly girl out of a line up, that’s the one you’ll pick? You ought to get your head examine. Sure it’s possible to take an unflattering pic while in downtime here and there, but you are never “ugly” while your natural Slavic C’s are exposed. Never! How dare you…

    Oh so I couldn’t mention Jessi James alleged past time….that’s why half of the post was hacked off?

  13. devilsrain

    Average at best. Reminds me of the cookie cutter russians that work the day shift at strip clubs

  14. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d love to give her a mouthful of my borscht

  15. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    This bitch is ugly. We have way too many hot women here in the states compared to her, why is this chick even being talked about again?

  16. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats MY BODY! Oh wait, I’m a guy, sorry!

  17. Amy

    Smoking body, but she’s only pretty when she smiles. The whole “I’m mad” look doesn’t really work on her. Regardless, she looks like she could squeeze a piece of coal between her ass and make a diamond.

  18. Anonymous



    • Loo whos on the hot list. Yep it's rough.

      So you’re “the American people” the right wingers always refer to. Nice to meet you…

      • 3BE3DA

        Because, clearly, hangin’ out on gossip forums, spewing out vulgar banalities is what people raised in “normal America” do. No wonder out economy is in such a shitter… x-)

      • Rough's 1st annual tea bag party

        Just because I don’t have Jesus (pray for me please) in my life at the moment doesn’t mean I’m not normal, or any less American than thou. And what is wrong with hanging out in gossip site and spewing vulgarities? Are you suggesting I should get a life? You weren’t the person who suggest Natasha Richardson (god bless her soul) to get a life were you? No sirree, I m staying right in my comfy basement. In regards to the economy, I have posted job position particularly on this website, and no respond as of yet. So don’t tell me I’m not doing my part about the economy…

      • 3BE3DA

        The above comment was for the Anonymous. In case if there is any confusion…

  19. Look whos on the hot list. Yep it's rough.

    And lets ship-back anything Russians since were still in a cold war…

  20. chupacabra

    in mother russia, you don’t photoshop spy, spy photoshops you.

  21. Willy Wonka

    In Soviet Russia, spies fuck you.

  22. Rough's 1st annual tea bag party

    Whoops! Ah that was on my chest anyway…

  23. Hemingway

    Jesus Christ, this is photoshopped to hell and back. She’s good looking. Why the fuckawful photoshop job?

  24. dirtbag

    u fuckers dont know Russian until u have been to Brooklyn NY. Basically they suck! they all suck! in terms of “white” women, they are the lowest of the low. I dunno another white race that is so ugly, besides the English but at least the English speaks a laguage u can understand. The Russian accent is disgusting and what is up with the fucking track pants and track suit? Its like they think they’re gonna be working out the whole day! And when they DO go to the gym, i dont see them wearing the track suit! WTF? And on top of that they stink up the fucking locker room with their russian funk. I grew up in Brooklyn and I see them all the time. I always see them as a Bizarro version of Americans…u know, a little backwards looking and even their fucking alphabet has backwards letters. They just a backwards, ugly, smellier version of Americans. Yeh. the girl on the Maxim cover is considered ok with a hot body and I would totally hit that. But I will also cut her head off after I fuck her so I dont hafta hear her talk with that disgusting accent. Russians are fucking cunts.

  25. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Raymond K
    Commented on this photo:

    russians, you are forgiven. now if the muslims start posing in maxim as well, i think we can put that whole mosque thing behind us too …

  26. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    her face ruins it

  27. captain america

    pssssssst: SHE WILL KILL ONLY F*GGOTS, folks!!

  28. captain america

    …………her legs are deadly, folks.

  29. captain america

    lickin’ just requires lesbians.

  30. Man_Ho

    I agree with the many people saying there are much better looking women around…. She’s ok but far from being the hottest thing I’ve seen.

  31. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    airbrushing really sux…not very revealing like the maxim in the US

  32. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Hot body, dog face. Ruins it.

  33. Cardinal Fang

    Might make a good Bond chick but that’s about it. I googled her name and the pics that came up of her were pretty plain. Still I’d do her communist ass and sing the national anthem while doing it.

  34. Shakkanah

    Really it’s the Romanian women that are the hottest of the Bloc Bitches

  35. Doc Schweinstrudel

    I saw her in an add of an invite to a party in Moscow. Yep, she gets paid thousand of dollars now to show up at parties like Paris Hilton.
    Of course she has nice tits but butterface oh damn disgrace. Black PR for Russians.

  36. russian girls have fucking hot pussys and they are damn wet :-)

  37. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    face ??? i only saw her great tits and they are fucking hot !!!

  38. Russian Spy Anna Chapman in Maxim
    Commented on this photo:

    Just to think the US could have prosecuted her and she could have spent her years in a prison cell if convicted. What a waste of a gorgeous body that would have been.

  39. Andrey Gorbatskiy

    Identified this on Bing and I am content I did. Astounding article.

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