Terrence Howard’s Ex Has Him By The Tiny Penis

Awful assholes sometimes get away with being awful assholes their entire lives. But sometimes, they send photos of their tiny dicks to people they’ll abuse one day then they have to give them a job on their tit blog and regardless of whether any of it is true or not, their name and the words ‘tiny penis’ get emblazoned online with the fiery brand of bullshit Internet justice. Via TMZ:

Terrence now says he agreed to pay her for 5 years because she extorted him, and he says some of it is on tape. He says while they were bickering about the amount of support he’d pay her she threatened to release naked photos and video of him unless she got what she wanted. In the docs filed by his attorney Brian Kramer, Terrence says he secretly recorded her saying, “I can make a good $2 million right now … you want to see your little **** out there in front of TV?”

This wouldn’t be nearly as awesome — since divorce, even fake-ass celebrity ones, are depressingly awful — if Terrence Howard wasn’t such a fedora full of dog jizz. This is a guy who when asked about his multiple legal run-ins all related to hitting women replied by comparing himself to Jesus. Via FOX411:

“Remember, Jesus was nailed to the stake on the allegations of him being a blasphemer. We slayed our messiah over [false allegations].”

I don’t get it, does that mean he can perform miracles? Because if that’s what he calls having his ego get him shitcanned from the most successful film franchise in history only to throw himself at the mercy of Tyler Perry for work until FOX created an inexplicably successful show where he plays an arrogant, womanizing dickhead then, yeah, sonofabitch, I think he might really be Christ. *flips frantically through Book of Revelations to find part about the second coming involving a lot of scarves and fingerless gloves* I knew I shouldn’t have slept through CCD.

Photo: Getty